Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Dear Kitty cat 🐺 hi all 👋

Just read a post here yip can relate to being unsure when things were done etc.. In poor mh I have a lot of trouble with what day it is amongst all the other  screwed up rot that goes on. The blaghs sadly wayy too many people can identify with.

I'll bbl hun not sure but hoping soon to check it out here,...catching up on posts well the ones I can for now.

Kits can you please let me know if you can when the problem for you reading posts that have italics bold etc from the top of this text box that affects reading posts is sorted. 

I'm holding off using it on discussions we're both on till it's sorted. 

Hope your days good darl (🤗 hugs) care and friendship ☺

Tc- take care ⚘

🐺👍🕊

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB, CM, (Croixy Man), MC, GF (Gramdy & Furbabies) HS (Hanna & Sam), & everyone else (EE?)

Just me trying out something, I think it was a tip from Croix.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/ptsd-and-trauma/poems-by-mmmekitty-tw/td-p/12863

Oo, my text-to-speech says it is a link, & it is the prety pinkish-mauve I chose for links, so let's hope it's good! .     .     .     .     .     .I'll be back.😸

[mmMekitty]

.     .     .  I'm back! & the link works! 😹

DB, & everyone, please use whatever font attributions provided, as you like. The text-to-speech I use is unlikely to be fixing that soon. They rely on donations to 

Hi MC, I'm not seeing a place to access emojis on my PC's screen. Are you using some other device? I know if I was to use my iPhone,& to compose an SMS, I could use emojis there, & in other apps on my iPhone. They even have more than my PC offers, so if the writing of text was easier, maybe I would use my iPhone for BB.

I wonder, can we get Giant Smelly Dog a wash? Or teeth cleaned, or some sort of dental treats, he could have & be cleaning while chewing? Isn't there something like that for dogs? Something for whatever smells!  Next thing it will be his smelly bed & smelly coat & your smelly room, too, & maybe even, dare I say, smelly you? 

As much as I think I ould also love a dog, & having one could be very good for me, I usually am not fond of their smells.

But I understand, Giant Smelly Dog, like all dogs, would immediately after washing, would find something smelly to roll in.

My helper's dogs all are like that.

Dogs we had when I was growing up also did, but got washed fairly regularly, In winter, we'd keep the wet dog at the north-facing side of the house until they dried.

I had 'Authentication Fail' again - coming & going, & taking a long time to write. 

My auto-saved content did not save anything after the Authentication Fail message appeared. & attempting to post also didn't work, even though I tried 4 times. Had to go & check & see how it looks like I'm still logged in, but it seems not to be so recognised. So logged out & in again, then returning to here, to finish my edit! more minutes!

Later, my legs really need to rest, up.

💖💖💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

I use a mouse when using my pc & if I right click the mouse when I'm in the text box here I get an emoji option... another option is to press the "windows" key & the full stop key together as that brings up emoji's

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty and everyone,

That link worked for me mmMekitty, it went straight to your poems!  Well done you!

I am still finding negotiatiating these forums tricky - sometimes I meander around different threads even though I requested discussions I follow on my profile... and some are still oldest first to newest... it's quite a bit of work...

It doesn't sound easy for you mmMekitty with the software you have to use because of the sight issues you have... what a pain for you..you're doing well though!  I am like Paws, when I use my (old) laptop if I right click on the mouse when I am writing a reply I do get an ejomi option.  I find it easier on my phone though to be honest.  I get a better " view" of the forums on the laptop but the phone is easier for replying and seaching around.

Its been absolutely freezing here, down to minus 6 this morning, and not much more than that now - we have about 6 degrees here.. down to minus 3 tonight, eeeeeek!  How are we supposed to reduce our heating bills in this weather, yikes!

Waving hello to everyone here! 😊

[mmMekitty]

Yes, Paws, that's what I do. Sometimes the right mouse button brings up a list of options for the ribbon above in my browser options instead. I like the Emojis panel on my PC better than what I so briefly found here on BB, because the Microsoft one has a list of my most recently used, & I usually don't have to search to find the one I want. It is a more limited range than my iPhone, &, as I said, the usual red heart  is not turning up red (hence the 'sparkling heart). I used to be able to copy & paste emojis, usch as the red heart, & there was a peace sign with a purple background I liked. but now I can't paste them here anymore. & when I copy emojis from here into my word document  (also a quick copy & paste of a series if I wanted), hey are turning up very large, & I can't return them to these tex fields. 😾

Such is life -ever changing., & to my mind, more & more frustrating.

💖💖💖That is Woofa, is it?.💖💖💖Whether or not💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi Hanna, I think you must be near Croix's ice berg. If I was there I might resort to wearing ski gear, or what people wear when climbing Mt Everest or some such.

I'm very glad that link worked. Using this method will make it easier when someone wants to know where to find my Discussions.

I must have snoozed for at least two hours earlier - but I don't feel I've missed out of two hours of the book I'm reading. It's one of a series by Alan Dean Foster, & there are more to the series than I ever knew. Trouble is I'm not confident I will find the entire series on You Tube, & that all of them will have no ads either.

I hear Netflix is planning to introduce a cheaper subscription, with ads as part of the deal. I thought the whole idea of subscribing to these things was so you won't have to have ads.

I'm always glad when someone likes my writing, but still, get real shy & nervous when someone tells me so. I got better at simply saying, "thank you", maybe adding, "I appreciate that you took the time to read it.

Anyway, I need to do a few personal care things, & play word games, etc, maybe even visit BB Cafe for a late snack. (Had my dinner early.)

💖💖💖for you💖💖& for 💖💖💖Sam

mmMekitty😺

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty, Hannah, DB and all~

I always like your writing MK (He He He:)

Seriously, have you reported the problems between fonts etc and your speech reader to the Moderators? I think it may be something they might well like ot look at, as the majority of users of this forum (i.e. the ones that never post) may not get the full benefit of the posts if they use a similar program to you.

Hannah, your temperatures sound a tad mild for my iceberg, but you never know, maybe I'm drifting south 😞 You are welcome ot come over for a warm-up if you like, there's plenty of room wiht all hte penguins gone.

DB, I'm going to have enough trouble with the oncoming deluge wihtout you adding to the mayhem!

Maybe I'll go for a 'stealth' iceberg no one can see. I know - I'll paint it white to blend in.

🍙Amazing - an emoji of my igloo found here in the forum text editor!

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Alright, Croix, this '?' is an igloo, even though, hehehe, my PC says it is a 'rice ball'!?How very surreal.

The problem with the fonts can be side-stepped, if I didn't insist on pointing at text with my mouse pointer, & only get to it via my keyboard. I find that tedious, keying 'H' for 'Heading', 1,2,3 etc, to however many on a page, & using the 'Tab' when I hear the nearest big bold headline-type text nearest what I want to read. But if I do, I can get into the text of the posts & use arrow keys, or even make my PC read from a certain point without interruption for fonts changes, to the end of the page, if I didn't mind it reading every link or other text along the way. When I try, I usually do something wrong, & then can't easily get back to where I was when I got myself lost. 

I'm supposed to learn the keyboard shortcuts & navigation which can be done for webpages, tools & app features, text docs editing & the ribbon commands, every thing email, pretty much everything, but I just can't retain all the bits of info I need to recall when I want to have a thing happen. I got some basics, you know, like first grade education, but I've not got much further. 

Like screenshots - I've only ever done those by accident.

& I am well aware my memory isn't what it used to be.

So, no, I haven't officially, directly reported to BB.

& when I try to recall who said what I’m getting people mixed up. It doesn’t even seem to matter how different each is to each other.

💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Back again from:

Writing too much, getting the Authentication Fail notice, knowing the text I am still editing will now not auto-sav, putting all into word again anyway, to finish editing there, tor two post, now, because I now will have to log off & login again for the website to recognise I am logged in, & allow me to post, when I return to my Discussion, because the login dragged me away to the homepage... several minutes go by for all this!

& I forgot to re-insert emojis, which won’t paste from my word document anymore.

*

Trying to become comfortable with this new forums layout & functions has been a very big distraction, which I'm not sure is good or bad. I know I'm reluctant to even find the newest members, not being able to talk with everyone I already talk with here. I read a small number, & simply feel awful for their difficulties, & unable to offer hopeful words, & it's so difficult, so much pain & distress I feel too much emotion about it, That doesn't help them; my  upset emotions are not what people need, especially when they need more direct & practical assistance, which we can't do.

I'm not sure how well we can provide emotional support at a distance, being online & anonymous, across the country, it sometimes seems very insubstantial. It's like, the support is only as effective as a person's ability to believe it's real, like magical thinking. When the illusion fades, the person finds themselves alone again with all the problems & distress they had before. Like when sobering up.

So now, I feel myself pulling further back, tightening my own boundaries around me, so reluctant to reach out, to extend myself.. I feel so sorry about that, it hurts.

mmMekitty