I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.
The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.
As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.
I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.
I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.
I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.
I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.
I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.
I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.
"Another friend had great delight in returning home after a day at work and being able to hang her fake boobs on the back of the door to lighten her load so to speak."
😹Hahahahaha - love it! That's spot on where my sense of humour is centred!
when I get home I already want to toss everything off
* Home Again*
Shoes glasses bag hat,
Hearing aid and socks as well,
Get them all off now.
Shed them like dead leaves
Strip me to my bare branches
Rest and feed me prunes.
*by Jamie Fleck/mmMekitty 2019
But now what'll I do to update this poem, & maintain the basic form?
& now I imagine asking my helper to help me find them because I'm sure to forget where I put them in my flat!
Thanks again, Doolhof ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😺
Your poetic prowess is showing though again, but why prunes? For many an excess could have unfortunate effects.
Actually if you are familiar with Scrooge McDuck comics you must remember prunes were the exclusive diet of the Beagle Boys, who were burglars, complete with masks, bags for swag and red jumpers.
Come to think of it that might solve your wardrobe dilemmas.
Your dove comes out as a small line drawing, black outline, white center, sort of a 60's 'peace' emblem.
In relation to mislaid articles of apparel and more, I have a small object that attaches to my keys, and a remote that makes it squeak, thus allowing me to find them. Perhaps a similar arrangement might prove useful? Actually all I need now is another one to help me find the remote:(
I can't vouch for nature on the riverbank tonight as I've not been there. I can say we are getting a whole tribe of galahs noisily squabbling in our trees. They have great fun using branches as swings, and are very jealous, complaining bitterly if another tries to alight on their branch.
Foxy Dog voices her displeasure, going almost into hysterics, and adding to the overall noise level, Sumo Cat however is 'busy'
I'm guessing The Beagle Boys weren't very good crooks, wot with leaving all that mess behind!
& just for your information, though you will think it too much, I sometimes need the prunes for that exact effect. With a real sense of relief, too, I might add.. & 'prunes' is a subtle pointer to my being no spring chicken, as is the tree shedding it's dead leaves, nearing the end of the year, so to speak.
Although, it would seem my mind still thinks of November & December as being the end of Fall & the beginning of Winter....part of my mind hasn't migrated yet! Talk jet lag!
No wonder I feel brainless....
Once again, sore & tired, after going up the road again, for a slow walk, browse at Life Line shop & a Salvos shop, not finding any button down jammies or nightie, or just a top button down.
I do have a thin zipper front jacket, with a hood, that may well have to do. It's not really summer or winter wear, so I don't know if I'll be comfortable either in hospital or at home. It's warming up here too.
& now they are wanting masks again, & Xmas shopping crowds really worry me, so I think I won't find anything before I go in.
Due to some late editing which is required if I fit the next portion within the character (with spaces) count limit - more tomorrow,
Regarding clothing for hospital, just wear what ever yo are comfortable in. I am sure they have seen all sorts.
A nurse told me they are just happy when a patient does wear clothes in hospital!
I hope you find suitable garments to take with you.
One time I was rushed to hospital, my husband came home, packed a bag for me and when he brought it along, I was a little surprised by his choices! Lets just say I was thankful he had included underwear and I was suitably if not strangely attired!
not only do I have trouble with saying no I rarely do. I’ve always found it would be met with anger and or judgment. Or ignored and I end up doing what I said no too. It. also make me feel scared. I do in fact offer to do things fix things and help when I’m not even asked. I’m quick with advice and solutions and assistance even when it causes me loss and pain and takes over my life.
I started practicing standing my ground and saying what I wanted to my friends and telling them when they hurt or offended me. I soon found out they were not true friends that was about 18 months ago then I thought I had been too harsh and tried to reestablish one of the friendships but once I’d seen the indifference to my feelings and the distance between us it was too late. I could see them as they were and I didn’t like what I saw. I was very sad. Croix made a comment that they seemed like an acquaintance and It was like turning the light on. I was her friend but we were acquaintances. Made me sad for a while but I moved my energy to reconnecting with my craft group and it was so great. I found someone that wants to know me and be with me when schedule permits.
True friends accept No. I have reconnected with a person that hurt me a lot and she’s trying very hard to be less reactive and judgmental and explained she was also struggling and her reactions to me and her behaviour was fuelled by a dark time. I’m being very careful with her and have boundaries I won’t be hurt again by her. She tried to talk about what happened but I went into panic mode and had to leave and she saw how unwell I am and understood the severity of how everything affected me. I keep all contact light and on my terms.
I mentally struggle with wanting to help out and do too much. I’m only able to stop the action not the thoughts so far. My rescuer syndrome compulsion is still active.
As with you and this is your time and all of your focus is on this new fork in the road. You will need all your concentration to navigate the bumps and bends to get to the other side.
I was reading some more info, & they confirmed the thought I had about afterwards, when I'm sore & the staff will nee easy access to the wound, so it was suggested that front opening garments would be easier to put on & take off, & for nurses to open to check & change bandaging, etcetera as well.
In hospital there will be air conditioning. I don't like being cool to very warm, & being vry hot is unbearable, & being too cold, like freezing, is triggering for me.
When I am home, where I will not have airconditioning, I might just wear a thin singlet-like short nightie. I got a couple old ones, which are very loose, with large armholes. The weather is warm enough for that.
I got another letter, advising me that I'll have a scan in the morning, on the 4th January, before I am admitted for the surgery. I'ts going to be a long day for me & my helper. They do two scans, each takes about half an hour, with two hours between. & I was thinking the Pre-Op Clinic was going to take a long time. I don't know yet, when I'll be taken to the ward.
& I don't remember what the Surgeon said about fasting.
In this letter about the Lymph Node Localisation Scan, it only said there is no preparation I need do, but to still do "what your Doctor" said.
Now I'm getting little butterflies, not many, but yes, nervous to a score of 3 I suppose.
Just imagine a tree covered in those big orange Monarch butterflies as being a 10 & no butterflies as 0. I'm having a few more than a few fluttering about the garden, but not in quantities uncommon for me.&
I wonder if, now , as Qld once again makes masks mandatory in many places, if they will fuss about my not being able to wear one, at the Pre-Op Clinic, & now, during the scans,& between both.
I (somehow) was up much too late, so now I'm getting that awfully tired feeling again.
Oh, yes,😺 Doolhof, I remember now, once when I was in hospital, & on the sane floor, men on one side, women on the other, there was a man who wandered from his bed, & was going into the other wards, & if it wasn't currently occupied, he'd get onto someone else's bed. & although he did have a dressing gown on, it was open, & he didn't wear undies. The nurses were frustrated with him. I think they would have been happier with him off the ward. He was a concern, but he actually didn't do anything else.
Well, the penchant for prunes is explained 🙂 I had not realized it was a subtle reference to the distance from your birth-date.
As for the seasons, I tend to think that in one's formative years the seasons are ingrained, and it can take thought to work out local conditions at times, I suffer from the same thing to a mild extent.
Do you mind if I ask about your references to Jamie Fleck 2019? The only thing I can find is a short film starring Stacy Chu at a US school and highlights personal values vs peer pressure.
Naturally enough all your recent posts have talked a lot about the practicalities of your upcoming visit to hospital, with mention of butterflies of course.
Can ask what you are doing to take your mind away from this very necessary planning and put you in a different place (apart from writing subtle poetry that is:)?
Hi Croix, one thing I do, is to try to answer your questions.😼
Intermittently I mess about on my phone's Garage Band app, using the piano & just with the four fingers of my left had, (for reasons I do't understand, because I am primarily right-handed, though not exclusively.), & enjoy that diversion, so long as I rmember to breathe properly.
I live on my own, so there are some things I must attend to. I get very tired sometimes so then I nee to sleep, as I did today, for almost 4 hours this time. That's why I'm now up so late. IAs you may notice I try to get around to other threads & reply to some. Sometimes it takes some time to formulate my reply. I have audiobooks, music, & take some time doing other online things. I will speak a little to one neighbour, who, I suspect is lonelier than he lets on. Can't say I like him a lot, though.
I am trying to get out more, needing exercise, wanting to be out of here. I've gone up the road some, but it is so hard to do on my own. I'll go more with my helper, so it is easier for me to endure being in increasing pain while we walk, talk & laugh as we go.
'Jamie Fleck' is a pseudonym I have made up , simply because I cannot include my actual name (😺 invented & chosen as well), for when I want to post any of my 'serious' writing. I like it a lot, actually, & I may well one day, use it officially - who knows? I don't think of getting published as the goal or purpose for my writing.
I wrote "Home Again" in 2019. I neglected to record the exact date, so only have the year.
I am going to have to cancel my home helper, I think, because her time is so difficult to reschedule at this time of year, & she doesn't return until January 4.
So, I'm trying to keep on top of the most necessary housekeeping too & I spend time looking for stuff I have lost, forgotten where is, or might not even have anymore...
Trying to do more exercise while I am here....not much self-discipline....z& I hate how I feel (hot & sweaty) when I do.
Now, what about you? How do you keep from dwelling on the fact that your polar regions are melting?
When do you go to hospital and have the surgery? This must be such an anxious time for you. My friends who have had this surgery have all been well and happy since but waiting to go into hospital is always anxiety provoking!
You have supportive friends here who will be in touch and wanting to know how you are!
Do you have any plans for Christmas mmMekitty? It's just me and little Sam this year. I have bought him a new toy.
I was hoping to go to a Christmas church service for the carols and music but with the virus going gang busters in NSW I'm not sure I want to sit indoors with a big crowd of people. I might watch one on my tablet instead. Living alone I don't want to get very sick!
Anyway just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. 🤗🐕🐾🐾💞👍🍀
Hello lovely Kitty, and everyone....🤗..
I have been following your thread and like listening to the conversations going on here.,,,Um..kind of ears dropping 💜...
I just wanted to call in to say how brave I think you are...and how much you have inspired myself and others reading here...
Maybe I am the odd one out...because I really do like prunes..and have them as a snack when I’m looking for something sweet but healthy....
It’s nice that you speak to your neighbour a bit..even though you don’t like him....I didn’t like my neighbour very much at all, because she was so cranky with me after I moved in...maybe because my dogs escaped my yard into hers and was chasing her chickens everywhere 😁...over time I found out that she was lonely and I feel that made her cranky..,,I have grown to care about her and she me as well...a little patience and kindness went a long way to being good neighbours now...She is very controlling though and do need time away from her after she tells me what to do..,in my own yard 😂😂...
Anyway really just wanted to let you know that, I hope everything goes really good for you with your operation...although I will wish it again as the time approaches closer to the date...
I will also be here on Christmas Day....as much as I can be....my neighbour has invited me over to hers for Christmas Lunch...because she also lives alone and will be alone on Christmas Day.....
I know I gabbled on about different things...but I really had an unstoppable urge to jump in on your thread...to chat..
Take good care of you lovely Kitty....be gentle and kind to yourself...it doesn’t matter how long or what time you need to sleep....your body needs it to restore itself....self care is so important and it doesn’t really pick a time....We just need to be aware of what our mind and body needs and to give ourselves self care when it needs it...
My kindest thoughts beautiful lady...with caring hugs 🤗..