Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

I haven’t been here for a while my apologies.

Your pain and discomfort sound quite hard to bear. I’m impressed you are able to concentrate on a book. It’s good to be distracted though and I hope you can get some help to get a little more comfortable. Did they offer any advice or suggestions. I know you have reservations being touched but I wonder if lymphatic massage may help. No idea but massage helps me even if’s it’s just my neck. I tend to bunch up my muscles in knots.

I am rewatching favourite shows and movies because I too forget more than I remember. I have an awesome memory but I must zone out and listen to head chatter while watching the box 😂 because sometimes I remember nothing. So whole new movie or show but also some shows I loved so much that I can rewatch like a 4 year old watching Frozen for the 20th time. I stopped reading years ago due to my eyesight and I now have good glasses but I lost the will to read. I read and write for work and when I log off I log off. Brain goes into neutral.
I will pop into my thread and do a brief update.

I hope tonight you have a comfortable night

MC

[mmMekitty]

Hi McC,

I am happy to see you again. I read your thread a few minutes ago & understand how busy you've been. It's okay when you need to be elsewhere, or when you need a break, to be away, as long or short a time as you need. I am pleased w see you around, & seeing your good news. 😸

I'm going to the hospital again to outpatient clinic, & (hopefully) my Doctor there will decide to remove the second drain. The wound on my right side where the other drain was removed last week is still very sore, as are the stitches across my chest, & the shoulders are still not as flexible & I can't reach much without feeling a strain at the areas nearest & in my armpit, where Lymph nodes were removed. It's improving very slowly. The skin nearest the line of stitches is very sensitive. Other areas are very tender to touch. So, no massaging. Later I will need to moisturise, & use a little massage technique then.

I've allowed my helper to help me wash so I am not putting too much strain & trying to not get the waterproof bandages wet, because they come away easily when wet!

She & my other helper, have both had a go at washing my hair. Allowing that helps to keep water off my bandages. It's either that or I try to wrap cling wrap around me....it is tempting, because then I could get under my shower properly. Not full force yet, anyway.

I don't like it, allowing this sort of assistance with personal care. But while I have to protect the wounds, I have to grin or grit my teeth & bear it. They are both areally good about it.

My main helper is not here everyday. There are problems with their new house & parts of the land, which must be dealt with. so I'm trying to spong bath! I hate being stinky & sticky with sweat in the high humidity we've had here in SEQueensland. I try not to complain too much, because at least it is not 40°+ here.

I have a few things I can put on & take off without too much trouble, when I must have something on, that is, because for now, in my flat, I am more comfortable topless!

I'm realising I am feeling freer not having anything (society expects me) to cover up. I put that social expectation in brackets because I'm not sure if this is what I feel free of, or evidence of my woman's body, I don't have to cover because it don't exist anymore, at least on my chest. Self-consciously. I covered up, not liking attention, though not having much to show...but I'm not going out in public bare-chested either. Wonder if I will one day?

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty

I too grealy like audio books, however by and large I prefer them when I'm doing a mindless taks that takes ages (driving is one ) I too like Terry Pratchett, also lots of other SF authors, maybe one of my favorites is Harry Harrison, who can write spoofs like Bill the Galactic Hero, and serious commentary to like Make Room! Make Room!

I guess I've found actual reading ,something you sadly are mainly denied, the most satisfying and immersive experience. In fact I can't remember ever not reading. I do remember my parents in their great wisdom decreed when I was small I should not read in bed . Fortunately their great wisdom also supplied me with a torch to see my way down a country road back from school after dark.

For some reason I went though batteries like nothing on earth (I'd discovered reading under the blankets, nobody was going to deny me the pleasure of Swallows and Amazons and other equally great literature:)

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Maybe because when I could read printed books, I had to hold them at about six inches from my face, I never felt comfortable reading while reclining.

One of the best things about the printed book was the way the spelling of words I was reading slipped in, & even uncommon words I had learned to spell just by way of having read them in books. You don't get that with audiobooks. Occasionally, when a text or non-fiction is recorded they will spell names, place names, or have a glossery, but not usually in fiction. Some sci-fi / fantasy do have glossaries, & weird spellings, but readers don't seem inclined to check how to pronounce & if a series is read by two or more readers, I'd appreciate if the latter reader would only hear the first reader's pronunciation of these words & names.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Unusual spelling, hmm... how about "mae eich cariad at iaith yn dangos"

let me know if you want a hint:)

-C (feeling smug)

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

All I can feel is aaaarch. It’s a lot and not over yet. I have a pill I can take now that helps me sleep artificially but it would be not enough. You are one tough cookie.

I went through the most agonising treatment about 10 years ago and I went to work most days. I mostly layed flat in total agony. I got home and layed flat. I suffered a lot and I had 2 others that understood. I was too weak to interact with them but we spoke on the phone. Just know that you are doing super well. You are strong and resilient. I joined a support group and found out I was experiencing normal drug and medical reactions.

Tonight. The weather is good and hopefully tomorrow the sun will be out and humidity is lower.
♥️♥️♥️♥️🍒🍒🍒🍒

[mmMekitty]

Hi, MC & Croix &all,

After reading MC's post, I forgot, what has been suggested to do for pain? When I left hospital they said to just use what I usually have for any pain, such as what I have for my osteoarthritis. & not to use the anti-inflammatory for the times when it is sometimes worse in a joint or two. So, as when my wrist was feeling bad the other a few days recently, I cannot add any extra meds for it.

Mostly, I end up lying down for a while. & it's just as well I get so tired, I'll sleep even while uncomfortable. If I wasn't getting so tired I'd hav a lot more trouble sleeping with how my upper body feels. I am mostly still lying on my back, though initially the feeling under & around my shoulder & under the shoulder blade is so uncomfortable, & a little painful when it all seems to settle, from feeling like I'm lying on a balled up pair of footy socks, to lying on a rumpled rug, & finally, smoothing to just a lumpy mattress feeling.

These swollen &fatty lumps at my sides are just so big. At the end of the row of stitches on my right, that puffy lump is coming to a point where the last/first stitch is, otherwise it is soft & squishy. & tender to pressure.

*

😹Croix, if only you could hear how my text-to-speech reader renders your cryptic sentence! & it keeps saying, 'spelling error' throughout...so I don't know, something about asking to sacre some dingoes? So far off, I think I need a clue!

It's a challenge fometimes, how people type, using short forms for words, & no punctuation, abbreviations, acronyms I'm not familiar with, & when the whole lot of text is not broken into paragraphs, or just smaller chunks.

I'm guilty of some big chunks, but I do try to put in punctuation, Capital letters, & try to check for spelling errors. No way am I perfect.😸

I know it's more tedious to formulate a well-written text on such things as iPhones. That's one reason I don't want to use my phone for such as BB. I try to be patient, & go through what is written carefully, but sometimes, I feel I lose track & am no longer sure; what was the message?

It makes me sad, knowing how important & difficult it was for someone to post what they have.

*

Thanks for hearts & cherries, MC, 😺

[Croix]

Dear mmMkitty~

I have to admit I cheated - just to be a pain:)

Your hint is to dump the whole phrase into Google translate 💫 and see what you get:

https://translate.google.com/

To have to rely upon the good formatting, grammar and spelling is another sort of pain, and most frustrating. As around 50% of English is redundant many people skip and produce text that is very hard to read. Habitual use of texting makes matters worse:( Even getting software to spell things out is not going ot work well. Dunno the answer, wish I did.

I'm wishing you more comfort and rest

Croix

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

I will take the point on sentence structures and abbreviations.

There is really nothing I can say that will be of any great help. Your discomfort sounds absolutely terrible and I would have expected they took you off regular pain medications and gave you something stronger especially for the night time. I asked for more panadeine even though it upsets my stomach. I haven’t taken any since weekend but at least it’s there.

Will the breast care nurse come to see you or can you call them. I’m wondering if they can discuss with you about the swelling and lumps that you describe. I’m a great believer in ice packs and heat packs for arthritis I use heat but for my broken foot they say ice. It gives me something to focus on anyway.

I am still watching funny shows and I have my big laugh back. What are you reading you said you liked Thrillers. I’m a Science Fiction nut.

The cherries have been amazing I wish cherry season lasted all year 🍒🍒🍒🍒

MC

[mmMekitty]

I never said 'thrillers', did I? No, I don't think so. I have listened to a lot of Science fiction, some fantasy, some Aussie literary fiction, poetry, At the moment I have Greg Bear, 'City at the End of Time', I found on YouTube, in two parts because the entire book would run to nearly 22hours.

*

Yesterday, they removed the drain on the left as well, but really didn't adequately bandage that wound so it was leaking all afternoon & into the evening. The dressing they put on it was saturated quite quickly. Eventually, I tried replacing it, with the dressing they supplied, but that didn't go well. I found some larger band aids of my own, & put a couple of those on, & they are sticking better, & the leaking finally slowed when I was resting.

My groceries weren't delivered until 7:45, & I suppose the fellow noticed the side f my shirt was wet, & offered to bring my groceries inside. Being an 'unattended' delivery, they are supposed to leave things outside the door, & not expect a signature. I've been doing that because I can't wear a mask, even for that short a time. But last night, leaking as I was already, I very gratefully allowed him to bring the groceries in. I'm not sure how I was going to manage & not make matters worse for me trying to bring everything in & lifting items, even one at a time, onto counter & table. I still had to put fridge & freezer stuff away, anyway. I felt done by the time I did that much.

That's when I went for a rest, & snooze, for a couple hours, even though it was about 8:15pm by then, & I hadn't eaten my dinner yet.

My digestive system has been playing up for a couple days, which makes my back hurt as well. Lying down a lot does make my back feel better, but does not help the digestive system get its act together. Took a laxative yesterday afternoon, & hoping I won't need to take another, but still waiting!

I've made appointments to see the GP tomorrow & the Audiologist after, but other than doing some tests, I'm not sure what they can do. It is only reassuring if I can have some physical evidence of what my hearing is doing lately.

I am glad of a quieter day. I'll call my PDr later, & for now, I will have too accept a slightly shorter session length to use the Medicare telehealth without video, item provided. It's too hot & humid to even think of getting fully dressed, if I was doing video calls, let alone going out!

I know I've got to do it tomorrow...oh woe! It's so uncomfortable.

mmMekitty