Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Good evening

Erk the pain and side effects of incubation. Also the memories of it and yes I do remember the tubes and the struggle. I can say I recovered more quickly from this type of treatment than the other. The extra oxygen brings you around and back to health quicker in my experience. The bruised larynx and any graises well yuck and yes antibiotics and some throat lozenges do help. I never escape surgery or illness without a complication.
Hospitals are not without troubles.
I find it therapeutic to complain and whinge as much as possible. 😅 seriously

in my past terrible health catastrophe I grew to hate smiling cheerful people. Upon investigation I found all their bodies ached and they felt desperate but they thought they needed to make others feel happy. I think be true to one’s self. Let it out in all its honesty.

🐈🍰❤️❤️❤️❤️

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone,

It's been rough. Yesterday afternoon one of the tubes had come a little disconnected from the part that goes into my body. (I forget what it's called.) & being Sunday arvo, I coouldn't get anyone on the phone to advis me or to come out to my place to fix it. So, I had to phone 000 & get an ambulance out to me. They're busy, busy, so it was 3.5 hours before one came. Well, they are not qualified to do what was needed, so I was off to hospital.

Both of the ambos were marvelous.

Upon arrival a nurse came into the ambulance to administer a RATest. It was a fuzzy stick up each nostril, (not what I had heard), & then waiting 15 minutes for the NEGATIVE results. One ambo said it was looking very clearly negative 10 minutes in.

Then inside ,on a most uncomfortable trolley, (I won't call it a bed) & it was freezing in there,

Of-course, I was asked about my not wearing a mask. & at the entrance I was asked to acknowledge that I was entering a high risk area, like I really had a choice.

I hoped the people there would deal with my infection , which had also been feeling worse as the day had gone on. I was eventually given two common pain killers, & the area of my upper gum-line was x-rayed, they came back with, the problem was purely dental, & the x-ray didn't show much to indicate an infection,, so they would not do anymore.

I had no real sleep, just a half a wink, then noises were again making me jumpy.

Anyway, I had been seen , the tubing checked, the one on the right more secured, by putting more tape over the area where it is supposed to enter my body, & contct with something else. & this covering also prevented a couple tag-like things from being knocked, as I had done several times, producing pain. It's was more comfortable after that. ...

I'm getting too tired again even as I type. 9:40pm! Early for a ca!🙀, though I did get a few hours in today.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmKitty,

My thoughts are with you. So have they kept you in hospital or were you sent home again?

I've not read all of your news here, just a few scattered posts.

I hope you are feeling more secure with all your medical bits and pieces, tubes and your general health and well being.

Wishing you all the best with your recovery. Gentle hugs from Dools

[mmMekitty]

So I spent the night, not sleeping, hearing noises everywhere, freezing, & my legs became crampy having a numb-bum & eventually someone found a proper bed. That didn't fix how my legs were feeling. My infection in my mouth got worse, though the 2 painkillers helped some. Eventually I got hungry as well.but didn't get anything to eat until 7:30am, 15.5hrs since I'd last eaten.

I finally was able to get in touch with my home helper, to ask if she could possibly pick me up & take me home. She could not either. I tried to explain my reluctance to go by public tranport, or even by taxi, because of my inability to wear a mask, & that the drivers at least, are in contact with more people than my helpers. One fellow said,"well, walk home then"

*sigh* Eventually, the hospital staff arranged a taxi for me. I had to explain again that I do have a medical exemption, & as they were asking, why, on what basis, I realise I amnot very comfortable having to tell these people it relates to my mental health difficulties, in particular, to PTSD & past trauma.. I know it would not be an issue if the conditions I have was purely physical, & I could point, or if my breathing was laboured - so much more convenient, more easily acceptable to those who expect justification.

*

Anyway, yesterday, after returning, I had problems with my gut, shall I say. After that I wanted to watch a little tele, then sleep awhile. An hour later, in the afternoon the tube going into my right side came out completely. Way too tired by then, I couldn't cope, couldn't deal with going back to the hospital again. Called the BCN, thinking, if she said I had to, I guess I would. Otherwise, I was going to sleep.

Even after sleeping for a few more hours, & thinking, I knew it was late in the working day, but I would have liked if the BCN had called me back.

*

This morning she did. She said, she would most likely just remove it (not sure about the other), when I go into the hospital for the first post-op appointment.

So, that's about it for this chapter!

Last night, after getting up, I had a good meal, & was sleepy again just three hours later. But, I slept much better last night. Could get up on my own, wasn't freezing, (now I'm a little bit too warm & sweaty for my comfort). I've had breakfast, & would like to eat more before I go to my GP. appointment. Busy, busy arvo, so I will be exhausted again.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hello Doolhof,

I'll only feel better about medical bits & pieces, tubes & stuff when I don't have any to be mindful of. I'll will feel even better when the big area of adhesive is gone, too.

I'm not actually being kept in hospital. I was discharged Thursday 6 January, had only gone myself when the leaking occured, B ut I wasn't going to do that again yestderday arvo. It was all too much for me to cope with, thinking of another night not sleeping.

Thank you for your warm thoughts & wishes.

I'll be thinking of you, too. 😸, mostly when I wonder, is that Sleepy's avatars, or Doolhof's up there? I do tend to confuse some avatars, because to me they look too similar.

I'm interested to follow your journeys, but fear loosing track all the time. My memory, being the main problem there.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

HI mmMekitty,

Thanks for the explanation. I had not gone back and read the thread. I do hope your recovery goes well for you and yes getting all the extra bits and pieces removed in time will mark a certain stage in your recovery. All the best.

Yes, some avatars are similar aren't they.

Where I work as a receptionist, I now have to wear either protective goggles over my glasses or a face shield along with a mask. Even though I try to fit the white medical mask, it never seems to be airtight. Sometimes my face shield or goggles are so fogged up I cant clearly see whom I am looking at and trying to book in!

I have trouble following people's stories as well I am sure we all understand. Some people have amazing memories, mine is not one of those and that is okay! Ha. Ha.

Hope you have some great moments this week!

[mmMekitty]

Hi Doolhof, (& everyone)For your glasses" lens cleaner, window cleaner, or maybe even a little hand sanitiser. 🐱‍👓

I have a similar problem with my own glasses (which I mostly wear out of habit), when moving from air conditioned places to hot & humid outdoors.

*

Today, the drain on my right side was completely removed. I hadn't realised it was actually stitched in place, until the Dr was removing them. Oo-owie-oh! Then he also removed the large area of adhesive. & I realise most of the the stingy pains are directly from the wound, not the adhesive pulling at all. The Surgeon came in & said the left side drain has to stay in at least for one more week. It had also been noted a little sign of infection was at the site where the right side drain had been, so it is just as well that I saw my GP earlier & she had looked into my mouth & agreed that antibiotics were warranted. 😸 She didn't even send me off to get an x-ray.

I get the idea this is not going to be a speedy recovery, but slow, & (hopefully) steady.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMeKitty,

Do you have some activities and things you can do to help distract you during this healing process?

It has been really hot here so not the kind of weather to spend much time outside. This afternoon I might get my colouring book out. I have a jigsaw puzzle I could start as well. I've been borrowing books from the library so reading helps to fill in time for me.

Hope you have some pleasant distractions.

Cheers from Doolhof

[mmMekitty]

I have a few distractions, like listening to music, audiobooks, some tele shows I like, & there is my app on my phone,which helps when I need to focus &be calm. It's the piano keyboard in Garage Band. It is glitchy, so it someimes doesn't work correctly, which makes me cranky,but I still like it.

I'd like to get more writing done.

I struggle to get out on my own, so I want more help, yet,, but my helper & I have had to get me to medical appointments more of late, so the other just 'getting out' hasn't been happening.

I've never had a wide range of interests. I'd like to study some things, but wonder why bother, when I'm going to forget pretty much all of it even as I'm studying. Really, my memory is already dropping off things I know I'm supposdd to know.

Is this natural aging or something else? I don't know. I want to find out, but now may not be the best time.

& of-course, there is BB, now, where I find you know, there really are other people out there with their own concerns, & people that care, that will listen & I feel something like 'friendship' or at least, a fond, warm regard for so many people, I feel we are here , sharing & not so alone as we might otherwise feel. I have a feeling myself, that being here is important, worth risking the occasional 'trigger', even when I am feeling unsure of what I might say to someone, just being here, if only I say 'hello', is important. That helps me a lot when I feel rather like a non-entity sitting here in my flat, where very few people even know I exist. That's the one thing I have found so needed throughout the COVID-19 pandemic. Extreme isonlation can certainly lead people to feeling they don't matter or exist.

It's taken a while for me to realise how I have felt at times, so cut-off, especially when services are stretched, & I am deemed to not be as high a priority as others. & nevrmind how that leaves me feeling or coping.

Somehow, cope I do, - not sure how, or even why, just that I do keep going.

That's how I'll get through my recovery, too. One day at a time, one thing to deal with at a time, like music, one note or chord at a time.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

I'm glad one tube is out and the big adhesive plaster, which was worrying and pulling has gone. Hopefully any infection is minor and things will indeed progress steadily, if not fast enough for your taste of course.

You did mention:

Really, my memory is already dropping off things I know I'm supposdd to know.
Is this natural aging or something else? I don't know.

I can say I went though and increasingly bad period when i became ill in the police, and then afterwards. When I was in hospital I could not concentrate on a line in a book, it just went in one ear (walruses do have ears) and out the other.

I was given some books by a very kind and perceptive psych nurse and found that as each line or two was full of plays on words and puns. My concentration and memory started to improve. Still a far cry from my old speed-reading days. Now I'm back to where I shuld be.

I guess there are many causes: medication, stress, PTSD, depression, worry, physical pain, preoccupation and distraction all degrade memory. I think such things have a lot to do with it temporarily, and it is far to easy to regard such changes as permanent.

I very much liked the way you regard the Forum. I have a feeling that you may have found a niche here that suits your talents (not everyone has such luck) and I'd realy like to see you make as much of it as you can. You already as much good in you writings as those like myself.

You certainly exist here - and cast a long shadow already.

Croix