In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

Nice relaxing song : )

Aaaargh today has been a shit day in town and I'm in a vile mood Wilma. Lost money. Left it sticking out of the ATM. I promised not to get into a verbal with anyone but i was about snap. Just too many people. I nearly yelled a most foul word. Glad to be home

[Wilma1]

Sorry you lost money. Annoying. Very annoying. Can you do something nice??? I think my situation is under control.. Wish I was LOL.

I suppose you can't put your feet up with little ones around. Maybe a bath by candle light, lavender etc. I might head to the shower, third for the day. Thinking of you. W

[Simona]

Thanks W

Not in a good headspace tonight but I appreciate your care. Thinking of you too

[Simona]

I lost money so I blew money. Am I happy? Nope. It doesn't matter how much money I have, how big my wardrobe I'm sad and deranged. It only makes me the best dressed patient in the MHU that's all. Had the sense to transfer the bulk of it over to my partner's account. Because if it stays in my account i'll spend it down to the last dollar so just had to move it. Now I can see it but I can't touch it. In one of my 'moods' again. Partner appreciated my honesty. I'll see my MH team next week but it feels so far away

Just another thing that pissed me off today : My mother rang and went on about how she and dad have been discussing me and my mental problems. Dad could easily ring me to find out how I really am but never does. There's much more to it and a lot of hurt feelings on my behalf. I don't want to talk about what my mum said because I'm so scared if I talk badly of her God will punish me by taking her away. So I will say nothing except that she hurt my feelings today.

[Simona]

I have 1 antipsychotic left which I'm about to take. I lost the script I can't find it anywhere. With all good intentions I placed it in my bag yesterday to get it filled today but I forgot. Now it's just vanished. Probably someone has found it in town. That's just great. My name and address. They must think I'm some real looney tune. I hope the chemist has it on record because i'll be in a bad way over the long weekend if I can't get more

what a shit of a day

[Guest_9809]

Morning Simona. Yeah I know, I've been a little quiet of late. But that doesnt mean I havent been keeping an eye out for you.

Sorry to hear about your lost script, and I hope you are able to sort something out today. If the chemist cant help, then perhaps your GP or psych can issue you with a replacement script asap? You would need to explain what happened of course. Oh dear, and even worse about your lost money left in the ATM machine. Money is hard enough to come by, without losing it like that. I'm sorry.

Other than those dramas, it sounds as though you are having a nice time with the children. And as for the easter egg hunt on Sunday, it sounds jolly good to me. Wilma and I can help to hide them on the Saturday, and then we can come in and find them all on the Sunday. Ha ha, that's fair isnt it? I will of course share with the kids. But hey we dont want any left lying around unfound do we - just in case Bandicoot finds them? Chocolate is a toxic substance to dogs.

Well Simona, I hope today treats you better than yesterday did. Sending you a hug and lots of good wishes.

Taurus xx

[Wilma1]

Simona, that's one BAD day. Sorry. You did remind me I need to fill a few scripts, not that they are doing much.

Sorry your feelings have been hurt. Today has to be better, you have been so on top of things of late. You are doing well. Sometimes it's others that see that though.

Hope Taurus and I can help hide the Easter eggs and eat some on the rounds.

Have you listened to the song by Shaina Noll, How could anyone. Beautiful. I cry every time I listen.

Take care... We care... W

[Simona]

Hello T : ) Your quietness is most understandable. I know you are under a tremendous amount of pressure. And my thoughts are truly with you. It sounds like a harrowing time. My meds are all sorted. I had to go to my MH team's headquarters and they wasted no time writing up a new script. I think they must be really relieved I'm finally taking it.

Yeah it hurt to lose that money yesterday. I just hope it went to someone who was really struggling.

Today I rang up my 18 yr old son living in the city. Had a really nice conversation and caught up on the latest news. Seems he's always going out to cinemas or soccer matches. I transferred some funds into his account for Easter. I miss him so much. He left me his hoodie. I worn it into the mhu a few times. Just nice to drape it over my shoulders even. Makes me feel somehow comforted.

Yeah a virtual Easter Egg hunt sounds interesting and fun. I suppose we just post the word EGG yeah?

Borrowed some new release DVDs for Little Miss and Master 11 for tonight. I don't see them all that much. They are either behind closed doors snapchatting/gaming or out with friends/sleep-overs.

Ps; Love your new profile pic it's beautiful : )

[Simona]

And hello W : ) Yeah I'm feeling better don't worry. I had a nice little time in town with my daughter. And my son who isn't all that keen on going into town still gives me a hug and an "I love you mum" with all of his mates around. He's a very affectionate boy

I'm happy. I hope you're doing ok too W : )

I'll check out that song now.

[Wilma1]

Hi Simona, I just got some nice smelly powder delivered from chemist warehouse. Thought of you.

You have a warm relationship with your kids, they obviously love you very much.

Ive been out walking with Maggie earlier.

Are you going into town today. I have to go for an appointment tomorrow. Not looking forward to it, but it's just for an hour.

How are Speedy, Cupcake and Bandicoot????? You have a house full. Well,,take care. W