In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

Simona · ‎21-01-2016

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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Simona · ‎11-02-2016

Oh wow. Now I'm smirking again ha. I'm really stoked you enjoyed that story. I have many other fun experiences like it. Sometimes I get an absolute gem of an idea and it makes me laugh . Because they can be hilarious funny. Like here is another one. This one is just a funny thought I get on a really hot day when I'm walking bandicoot and she's pulling me along : Bandicoot pulling a rickety wooden lemonade cart and me selling home made lemonade that the children helped me squeeze . Anyway . I best go. I'm not home . I went for drive . Thank you for your post . Very kind you are and your dog looks pretty handsome : )

Simona · ‎11-02-2016

its in my head again. its back

Graceeeeee · ‎11-02-2016

Hey Simona!

Sending you my message of love, I loved that story with that chicken beak too 😛 You are a lovely person with such kind thoughts, also you have some funny ones too haha like the one with your bandicoot, send us more stories like this if you can! They make me smirk too and they make my day better 😉 I can tell you are so caring and creative too! Anyways love you and your stories, be kind to yourself please! ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

Guest_5218 · ‎11-02-2016

Hi Simona,

I just re-read your post from the other day, where you said: "Just know that I hear you. I hear you all on the other side."

I hope you can hear me now when I say that you have so many people here who care for you and want you to be well. I wish that you could replace that other 'thing' that is in your head again with thoughts of the love and kindness that all of us out here feel for you.

I also hope you continue to tell us more of your funny stories. They are a delight to read. It is an art, or a gift, to be able to make people laugh, and you have that ability.

And yes, I agree Simona, Pauls dog is a very handsome fellow. And what do you think of my little dog Holly? I dont think she would be able to pull along your ricketty wooden lemonaide cart, but Pauls dog could.

Thinking of you with love Simona.

Sherie xx

Bluey_moon · ‎11-02-2016

Simona hon, I'm surrounding you with love and peace!

You are a strong woman, and funny, you make me smile!

Please know we care xo

Simona · ‎12-02-2016

I don't know who i am from one hour to the next these days. Today, this afternoon at almost 6pm I THINK I'm my normal self. Somethings seem to just set me off and then I stick a fork into the table which is not nice. Certain questions I can only respond to in a certain voice. I don’t know why. Thank-you so much for your words of comfort I know I'm not the most approachable character on the block. I will try and try to hold on to the love and kindness you are showing me. I want to be like a normal person who can feel empathy and have friends and be able to converse.

People are going to help me. I'm trying very hard to communicate effectively. I don't want to feel like that again.

With Deep Regards to all - I'm hanging on

Simona · ‎12-02-2016

Sherie. Your little Holly is beautiful. I thought of your post. It's now 8pm and it's started again. I'm really trying to be aware of when it hits. It's like I'm speeding inside my head. I pictured your sweet little dog and Paul's big furry fellow. Their photos make me feel gentleness and humility. I think I will take a tablet or two soon no matter how I hate the thought of medication. I just want one normal day. I haven't slept much for over a week and my calves are so sore from cramping

Bluey_moon · ‎12-02-2016

Thinking of you Simona hope you are ok!

Graceeeeee · ‎12-02-2016

Hi Simona!

Sending you my love and thoughts, I will be here with you no matter what! And so will all of us ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

Guest_1055 · ‎13-02-2016

Hello to you my friend

It's Shelley, I want to send some love out to you, from my heart right into yours. I care about you.

With much love

Shelley xx