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I'm really trying to feel better about myself
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I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...
I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.
My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"
My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!
I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land
I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...
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Got my results for this semester today, or confirmation of, since I'd already attempted to work them out. I did better than last semesters 3 credits and a P1.
I'm still pretty stunned that I got a high distinction, a distinction, a credit and a P1...
I'm so relieved that I haven't failed any subjects and had to repeat and pay again (yet!), that was/is a big anxiety trigger for me.
Year one of my degree is officially complete 🙂
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Music
Has it been a year. look how far you have come and what you have achieved.
Your wonder results from all your hard work and perseverance.
i have been following your journey even though I don’t post much.
You must be so proud of what you have done.
Once again congratulations .
Quirky
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Thanks Quirky 🙂
I'm back at it tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it, really...I think I just want uni over and to get prepping to buy a place and get away from the bad memories of this place and my neighbour. That, of course, is a long while off unfortunately 😞
I've got an open book exam this semester and another group presentation (already?! - YUCK!!), so not really looking forward to those, but I'm trying to focus on this being another semester towards my goal, even if I'm really worried that I won't ever get a job and will be stuck where I'm living...
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Struggling with everything just lately...I can't focus or be positive about anything.
It all just seems so hopeless...
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Hi MF,
What were/are you thinking about?
And I have noticed your grades getting better at Uni. 🙂 And if I recall your degree would lead in the social sphere of work with people? In my own opinion there are some jobs that are needed. And there are some things a computer cannot do or replace. We choose a field of work because deep down you have a reason for doing it, a passion. For me a my counselling diploma, I don't want people to get the depths of where I was, and/or thinking I was weak. So there will be work around,because people seek and need connection, for many and obvious reasons. Trust in your passion! what made you decide to do this course?!? You Uni results show you have the talent, now to believe in yourself.
Tim
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Thanks Tim, you and Birdy both seem to know just what to say here about uni to help me feel OK again.
I'm having a uni free day tomorrow and planning on spending some time in the sunshine getting things done...I wonder if I'm having enough uni free time/days...it certainly doesn't feel like it with my mood. I'll be starting assessments over the weekend, probably, until then...I haven't decided what I'll be doing.
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On the weekend I will be watching my lions play against geelong. 🙂 A top of the table clash!
Hope you had a good day today. Sometime it helps just to do something else.
Wanna tell me a little about your mood and how you are feeling?
Tim
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Holy moly...been a while since I've posted in here...
Been busy with uni and house reno type stuff, I guess...but it's been 2 months. I'm a bit shocked.
Update...um...
My group got a HD for our presentation, 87% I think, so just made it. I'm SO glad it's over!! I'm still convinced that I'm the awful weakest link that everyone wishes wasn't in their group, even though they tell me otherwise. I have a tentative date for my one exam this semester, the 25th of November at 2pm. It's open book, but I still have a lot of organising to do. I'm needing extensions for things, but an access plan makes it easier. It annoys me a bit that I need that help with getting things submitted. I have two to finish by the 4th and 9th, so probably shouldn't be wasting time posting here!
My mood...hmmm...
Down more than up, or level even (hence the need for extensions), I've felt the urge to drop out more than once over the last two months, it's almost a weekly thought...sometimes daily. The Halestorm tour is happening in early December and I feel so "meh" about the whole thing currently, that I'm worried about myself. Hopefully it's just uni stress doing it, but I'm not so sure anymore. I feel like a failure with the house stuff too, because it's at a complete stand still and it's annoying seeing things not getting done, or being half finished all the time...
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Congratulations on getting through the presentation 🙂 Thank you for reaching out for support. Sounds like there is a lot on your plate at the moment, however, you are trying to find the balance.
Please do not hesitate to call any of the following helplines if you need to speak to someone:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline (for ages between 5 and 25) 1800 551 800
You may find the following threads useful to read too:
Saying no to unhelpful thoughts - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/staying-well/saying-no-to-the-unhelpful-thoughts
Be kind to yourself - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/staying-well/be-kind-to-yourself
How do you make yourself do the things that make you feel better? - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/staying-well/adherence-compliance----how-do-you-make-yourself-do-the-things-that-make-you-feel-better
Wishing you all the very best for your exams and renos 🙂
Regards,
Beyond Blue
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Well, I haven't been here in ages again...busy with uni and everything else.
I was sick last week, so I'm now somewhat behind in writing an essay that's due on the 11th, so that's how I'll be spending the majority of this week...then it's exam prep...eeek! It's open book, but I'm still worried. I just have to get through it...then I have months off.
Other than uni work, I haven't been doing that much really. I always intend to get stuff done, but the apathy creeps in. I guess it's depression rearing it's ugly head, as it does...I wish I could kick it to the kerb permanently!
I wish I was sure I could get through these last few weeks of uni...