I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Guest_5218]

You're not pathetic Narelle! Have you forgotten how you personally found yourself the voluntary admin office work? Thats not pathetic or worthless. You had the fortitude and desire to get out there and find something suitable for yourself. And you're doing an MYOB course which will help you to get a job in an area that you have a specific interest in. Dont write off these achievements as pathetic, they are worthy of congratulations. So I say ... well done Narelle! Now you just need to continue to work hard with your MYOB course and do everything in your power to overcome your mental illness hurdles. You're strong, you're capable, you're worthy of respect. You can do this.

Sherie xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Not pathetic at all lovely. I was just worried about how he treats you. There's nothing wrong with living with a parent. I do think you should set some guidelines with him if he speaks like that to you though. Explain how hurtful it is and tell him it's unacceptable.

* Hugs *

I am on a disability insurance payment. These payments are there for valid reasons. You shouldn't see yourself as less because of it. Think of it this way, the government has criteria for eligibility for it. If you qualify it means you are worthy of the benefit.

I didn't realise you are doing the MYOB course, that's great. While you can't get a job right now, you are helping people here online, that's valuable work.

Perhaps you can also find another online course or tutorials for a hobby that you might enjoy. Is there anything else you might like, craft or art or writing, models or cooking, etc. Pinterest is a great tool for finding lots of things. If you think of something let me know and I will help you find stuff. That's what friends are for right?

You're not alone anymore lovely.

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

Sherie, you are too kind to me...I'm sitting here wondering if I even deserve it. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I do.

Thank you too, Carol, I appreciate your reply. I write fiction (with band members as characters, it's called fan fiction) and have thought about courses, but am financially strapped this year, maybe it can be my new years resolution. I'm not sure what else, cooking and photography, as well as sewing are possibilities, I guess. I'll think about what I'm interested in and try and afford it.

I may try and lose some weight too, it may give my confidence a boost...maybe. It's hard to boost something that isn't there.

I no longer talk to my dad and sister, I find that there is no point when they see me as they do. Their behaviour just makes me miss my mum though, she'd never do or allow what they get away with.

[Lost_Girl]

Hi lovely,

Try looking up your interests in an internet search. If you type (your interest) followed by tutorial you will probably find lots of free ones too. I look them up for crochet, for my son for his guitar, balloon tying, craft, you name it and they are all free! You will definitely find cooking and sewing ones.

I have put on 30kg since I became ill. I am on a weight loss journey through lite n easy. However you can do it yourself using myfitnesspal to track calories to 1200 a day. There is a thread called "Encouragement for weight loss and healthy eating" in the Staying Well section. There are some great ideas on there.

You deserve all the kind comments Narelle. You are a lovely person having a rough time. Having people say horrid things would make anyone feel down but it says more about them than you.

You are worthy, keep saying it until it becomes easier.

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

Having a bad day today... I feel like on the verge of tears, but nothing comes out, it's quite weird. I know it's a rough day because my new phone arrived today and I've barely touched it.

I have to take Buddy to the vet tomorrow and I know already that I will have to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I hate this 😞

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. Do you take any medication to help with how you feel? When is your next appointment with your GP or psych?

I saw you joined the bookclub, that should be good.

Buddy must be a great companion.

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

I haven't made appointments yet, but I went to my GP last week, they encouraged me to go back to my psychologist. I'm going to ring next week. I want to dedicate some time to my stupid MYOB course (I wish I'd never started it, really).

Buddy's not too bad at the vet's, he doesn't hiss or scratch. I'm glad I'm walking, even if it's meant to be raining a little, Buddy won't get stressed

[Lost_Girl]

Good news about Buddy, I hope that makes tomorrow easier.

The course sounds like a great skill to have. When we feel down it shades our thinking too just remember that. Everything seems harder.

I hope you get in to see your psych soon. The sooner you get some help the sooner you can start to feel more like yourself.

[Guest_1055]

Hi there dear Narelle

Hugs to you, if you would care for one.

You topic heading sounds extremely familiar to me, because last year I had a heading almost the same. So I can relate Narelle what the feeling of "worthless" actually feels like. For me it was like I felt I didn't matter to anyone. I felt like I had no value, no real purpose on this earth. Like why am I here, or even exist. So is that how you feel?

But the truth is you, me and everyone else, well......we are of high value and very rare. Because we are unique, there is only one Narelle on this whole earth. Depression just tells us big fat lies implying we are worthless, in a very sneaky like way. And before we know it, we believe the lies. And because we believe it, we then start to feel it or something like that. Hope that doesn't sound like a lecture?? It is what I have experienced anyway.

You are of high value dear Narelle. I hope you feel better soon.I may just keep calling you precious, until hopefully you will believe it and know within your very soul that it is true.

OK bye precious one.

Love

Shell xxx

PS Can you give Buddy a pat from me, will he accept it? I know that you love him, which is just great.

[Guest_5218]

Morning Narelle. I was just thinking of you when I woke up to a glorious morning here.

I hope the weather is also good where you are? Enjoy the walk. Be good Buddy, this is for your own good boy.

I look forward to hearing from you afterwards. Perhaps post a reply on the Pet thread and tell us about how brave Buddy was for his vet visit for his innoculations? Ha ha. Is this a vet you've had him to before?

Dont give up on your MYOB course Narelle. It is a very useful skill to have and is the most widely used accounting package used by small business. It will definitely be of use to you in getting work in the area in which you seek. I have used MYOB for several jobs I've had in the past, its a great package. I have also used several other accounting software packages, but they are not as user friendly as what MYOB is.

I hope you have a good day today ........

Sherie xx