I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

[mg24]

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

[mg24]

Hi Chloe. Of course I'm not mad! It's okay. Can you tell me why your anxiety is worsening? Maybe talking about it will help? If not thats okay. I'm sorry you can't go to the bathroom in public places. I just found out about five (out of 😎 girls in my group are all meeting up on Friday to see a movie without me which sucks. I'm seriously going to snap soon I can't do this for the nest 3 years. My mum just keeps saying I'm grumpy and miserable when I feel la little down and stuff like that. I need change, this isn't what I want and it won't ever be. Hope you're feeling better xx

[Chloe_M]

Hi!

I have this intense fear of people judging me and of what they think of me. So I don't eat at school, I don't put my hand up in class, i don't go to the bathroom at school or anywhere thats not my home because I'm scared of being judged. Its pretty stupid tbh.

Hope you are feeling bettter xx

[mg24]

Hey chloe. Mines not that severe but I get really scared of people judging me too. I don't put my hand up either. With the bathroom thing I kind of get what you mean. I'll sound kind of weird but when it's just you and one other girl it so silent you don't really feel like you can go to the bathroom its just awkward

[mg24]

Hey cloe, I know you’ve been busy with school I think my holidays started before yours but I just thought I’d do a quick update. I kind of just need to write down how I’m feeling anyway. I found out through Instagram that all the other girls I sit with went out without me for dinner which sucks. Surprise surprise I haven’t actually left the house all holidays unless it’s with my Mum. It’s kind of sad the only time I ever go out is with my mum. I know it probably sounds so ridiculous being around these people but I have nowhere else to go! Everyone already has their friends and groups. I desperately want a fresh start in Uk/ Canada but I know my parents don’t want to move. Mum would but my dad doesn’t like the UK. I can’t keep doing this though. The idea of going back to them and my school for a while other term and going through another Australian summer just seems like so much energy that I don’t have. It’s pointless saying I can’t keep doing this because there’s literally absolutely nothing I can do but it’s true. Hope things are going better for you now xx

[Chloe_M]

Aaaaahhhh I'm so sorry I've gone and disappeared on everyone. Sorry about all that's going on. I've been to caught up fixing myself to be there for anyone else. But maybe it's good to be selfish once in a while.

so basically I'm getting better.

Friendships 👍👍👍👍👍 they are more understanding now

family 👍👍👍👍 same as above YAY!!

Ex (who btw got dumped) 👍👍👍👍👍 we are even closer friends, I still like him as much as b4 but I'm dealing with the whole 'he doesn't like my anymore charade' but everyone thinks he still likes me anyway and he acts like it haha so😄👌

school 👍👍👍👍👍I'm on holidays so yeah 😂✌️

mental health 👍👍👍 I'm going to therapy fortnightly, I love my psych she's really good.

Depression management 👍👍👍 I've improved heaps. I have my moments but they are getting less and less frequent, but still not lessening (yet!) in severity

Anxiety management 👍👍 not much progress with this, therapist mainly wanting to fix self harm issue first but I'm working on it

self Harm 👍👍👍👍👍😉 been clean for 2 months (today's the anniversary🎉)

so how are you going?

ill try be on here 2/3/4 times a week am very busy and trying to stay that way

xoxo thank yiu for being so supportive

Chloe 😛

[mg24]

Hey I don’tthink it worked either 🤷‍♀️ I wonder what’s up with the website

[mg24]

Hey Chloe that’s fantastic!!!! I’m so happy for you!!! I can’t believe how well things have been going for you! like I literally physically happy for you 😊💗

how have things been going for me? Well tbh not great... I’ve never missed England more lik I desperately just need to go back. I feel like I’m trapped inside a box and it’s just getting smaller and smaller. I’m literally so lonely at school I don’t know what to do. And I know friends come from all sorts of places but a literally could bet all my money on the fact I probably won’t make any friends at school. I just don’t know what do I’m so lost and I feel like I’m about to snap! I got my helix pierced today which was good though 🙂

again im so glad things are going well for you

[Ggrand]

Hello Chloe,

You warmed my heart so much when I read that your on your way to wellness...It's something a lot of people in this community just loves to hear...

You are a very intelligent and determined person Chloe, and that's what it takes to beat depression and anxiety, I know you can do this and be a success story...

Your life seems to have done a omelette 360deg turn around, your gentle and caring soul shows very easily to us here who are following your story and in the people you have helped...You deserve peace and happiness young Chloe..

I know not the same as real ones but if I knew you in real life I would definitely celebrate your fantastic progress..how about a 🎉 and some 🎂 and 🍎 juice,Mandy to top it off a beautiful Lavender scented teddy bear 🐻...

Kind thoughts and super squishy caring hugs.🤗🤗🕊.

🕊Grandy👼.

[Ggrand]

Oops I'm so sorry mg I posted to Chloe here by mistake...I'm really sorry, will be back later to reply to you..

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello mg24,

Im sorry I posted Chloe's here, I got threads mixed up, I have copied and pasted onto her thread..

mg....I can understand how your desire to go and live in England is a constant thought and want for for you..

Im wondering because I feel sad for you that your wanting so much to move to England that these few years your here in Australia, that you cannot make some meaniful friendships, a lot of people that's in your class, school or area are missing out on a lot by not having you as a dear friend to them....

How Good would it be to make friends here, to enjoy the next few years with them, discover different things, go shopping together, go out to the cinema together, just enjoying yourself and have fun....who knows maybe these friends will become travelling companions later, or when you do go to live in England, how nice would it be for them to visit you and you could show them the sites of England..

It saddens me and I just don't like to see you throw away the next few important years of discovering different things in your life, for something that's not possible for a couple of years yet...

Wishing only the best for you mg24...and I would so much love to give you also a Lavender scented 🐼 Panda bear..

Take care mg24.

Kind thoughts and big squishy caring hugs 🤗🤗🤗🕊.

🕊Grandy👼..