I always do things ass about

[velvetfaerie]

My first introduction thread after being here FOREVER..... because I always do things backwards...

Velvz. Bipolar.... type? Not sure. I walked out of the psychiatrists office the day he tried putting me on more meds. That was a decade ago.

Anxiety issues. OCD issues. Occasional SH concerns. Checkered history of substance abuse.

I manage for the most part by exercising, good healthy food and good sleep practices. Substances these days are 3 drinks maximum and I'm rat assed.

I work full time. Study part time. Bought my own house years ago. On my own. Ok the bank helped lol!!! Most days for me are 10-14 hours depending. That's work and study and house things and exercise.

At the moment I'm struggling because I believe I've burnt myself out and pushed myself into hypomania. I'm all over the shop. Been here before but no psychosis stuff. Woo.

Oh man I don't know what else to say. No kids. Love kids. But conscious decision not to have my own. Love men. But sadly I'm intolerant to relationships after a while. Moody 😁😁

Animals and music are my passions.

Yeh so..... **** awkward silence***

velvz.

[CMF]

I wish I could take away the pain. I wish I could think of a way to make it work for you. It's a grieving process that we all go through, day by day step by step.

I do understand. One day, you will look back and be a better person for it. I know you can't see that now but you will.

Hugs

CMF x

[velvetfaerie]

Saw something on social media, (DER), and my brain decided he had moved on already.

I told him i wish him luck etc but it really really hurt.

Turns out I was way off the mark and it was just some pretty airbrushed girl who enjoy men perving on her and has like 90k followers.

He deleted her.

I feel bad. Because I made a mistake. And I am so destroyed.

[CMF]

Oh Velvet,

We all make mistakes.Anyone could have made the same mistake in the same circumstances. I have been in a similar situation. You mentioned something on my thread about our situations being different but the feelings the same. You are so right. Our circumstances are different but very similar in some ways because of how we are dealing with them. We have been through the same things but in different ways.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You're sensitive and hurting.

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

He said he isn't moving on and doesn't want anyone else. we are hoping once his house sells and he moves we can try again.....

I am waffling. I am in AGONY.

I have CHOCOLATE ALMONDS.

And a big workout planned.

***HUGS***

[CMF]

'we are hoping once his house sells and he moves we can try again.....'. I was wondering if this is an option you would consider. I wish the best for you and if you do try again I hope it all goes well. Just make sure you are clear on you want/expect from the relationship.

You're not waffling and even if you were it's ok. I'm here to listen...anytime.

Enjoy those chocolate almonds...YUM!

[velvetfaerie]

It is. Both of us. He says he has to fix his life and that’s the first step. I agree. We agree we can’t continue at the moment. It’s the greatest pain when two people want to be together but circumstances and interference tear them apart.

I wish I could give you a hug CMF, to ease my pain and yours. I can share my choccie almonds? Actually you can have them while I go on a long walk in the sun before gym.

Im listening to Adele’s “hello” .... radio chose it. Tears. It’s crud.

The walk will help.

xxxxxx

[velvetfaerie]

I had a meltdown today.

Psyc phoned me.

Had to leave work.

Why am I so broken?

[CMF]

You haven't slept properly. You know lack of good sleep affects us mentally.

Your head says one thing, your heart feels another. You need time.

The problems were caused by a third party. Sure, he could have stood up to her but he can't. If she did not cause the problems you wouldn't have these problems.

You had a routine of some sort, even if i was mostly over the phone, it was something. It is now gone. There is emptiness, too much time to think, loneliness.

You're hanging on to hope. Hope that when the house is sold, maybe there's a chance. Therefore you cannot move on yet or fully grieve because there is still a chance maybe.

You loved him. Love doesn't just disappear.

[velvetfaerie]

I know. He did something. I jumped to conclusions. I flipped out. I think His intention was to cause hurt and it succeeded.

He Then back tracked.

I might call the line.

[CMF]

Go for it Velvet. Give them a call, don't sit there suffering. Sounds like you're still in contact and both hurting.

I'll be around for a bit if you need/want to post.

Hugs

cmf