I always do things ass about

[velvetfaerie]

My first introduction thread after being here FOREVER..... because I always do things backwards...

Velvz. Bipolar.... type? Not sure. I walked out of the psychiatrists office the day he tried putting me on more meds. That was a decade ago.

Anxiety issues. OCD issues. Occasional SH concerns. Checkered history of substance abuse.

I manage for the most part by exercising, good healthy food and good sleep practices. Substances these days are 3 drinks maximum and I'm rat assed.

I work full time. Study part time. Bought my own house years ago. On my own. Ok the bank helped lol!!! Most days for me are 10-14 hours depending. That's work and study and house things and exercise.

At the moment I'm struggling because I believe I've burnt myself out and pushed myself into hypomania. I'm all over the shop. Been here before but no psychosis stuff. Woo.

Oh man I don't know what else to say. No kids. Love kids. But conscious decision not to have my own. Love men. But sadly I'm intolerant to relationships after a while. Moody 😁😁

Animals and music are my passions.

Yeh so..... **** awkward silence***

velvz.

[monkey_magic]

Hi velvetfaerie,

Dying inside- I know what that's like, been through a lot of break ups myself. I guess I can only offer you compassion and understanding of the pain you feel as I've been there myself. I feel for what you are going through, I really do, I've died and come back to life a few times. And that's key you will come back to life...hope you get some good rest and bet you can't wait until works over. Sending some healing vibes ( prob doesn't do much) but can only offer through writing unfortunately....here's to getting through this day..x

[velvetfaerie]

It is rather poo isn't it Monkey_Magic? I am at the point now I am too scared to let a man near me in any way shape or form. Not that my last one hurt me physically. Others have. But the emotional hurt. I can't let anyone in anymore. Not in that way. Not for a long time. 2 relationships in 3 years and they have both gone kaput because of MANIPULATIVE EXES USING KIDS AND REVENGE TOOLS.

My friend who has recently split up from her partner, had forbidden the new girl on the scene, who caused the break up, to not do time with their kids. FORBIDDEN. But my friend, saw how that game affected me and has since lifted the spiteful foreboding. I told her how mature that was. And good on her for being reasonable.

In life, with everything, i give 110% and feel so let down if in partnerships, they give MEH.

I have done the rebirth thing over and over. I am on the verge of another one.

[monkey_magic]

If u give 110% that 110% should be reciprocated- balanced relationship. Sounds like you're needing someone to give what u give. Also sounds like you've been put through a lot emotionally so enjoy your time not letting anyone in for a while.

It gets tricky with exes and kids. Some are cool others way overprotective & jealous.

I also think it was mature of your friend to finally change her mind based on how you were effected. If only the man thing could talk the ex around based on your feelings.

And yeah heartbreak is poo.

[velvetfaerie]

Man thing is a door mat and admits it. I guess he just doesn't care and can't be bothered. I believe if you truly love someone you stand by them and stand up for them. He hasn't. She would find out we were seeing each other and intentionally cause a stir. He would not tell her to pull her horns in. Ever.

V.

[Doolhof]

Hi Velve, Monkey and All reading,

Relationships are tough, even the ones you stick with. I feel like my husband and I break up continuously and yet will still stick around and beat each up emotionally all over again.

Yesterday it was when we were out grocery shopping! Having a hissy fit with each other at Aldi! Goodness me. I decided to go shopping solo for a while after that and we met up back at the car to go home.

Sorry to read you are having such a hard time Velve. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to leave...but I don't. I don't know if it is harder to stay or to go. Having other people in the picture messing things up is tough.

Wishing you bundles of healthy self esteem and hugs if you'd like them.

Cheers from Dools

[velvetfaerie]

Thanks Dools.

I dunno I am just so lost. Exhausted. Close to break point. I am struggling to rest. To sleep. To make sense.

I am so glad for all your wise help guys.

XXXXXXX

[CMF]

Hey Velvet,

People suggest to me that i should start dating again but i think no way, not after the last one.

' I am at the point now I am too scared to let a man near me in any way shape or form. Not that my last one hurt me physically. Others have. But the emotional hurt. I can't let anyone in anymore. ' I'm hearing you loud and clear.

I know how much it sucks when your man won't tell his ex to shove off. and won't defend you. In time, When you are ready, you won't put up with this crap again. Spoil yourself. I know you want someone in your life but make it about YOU for a while. Learn to be selfish, make 2018 about YOU.

[velvetfaerie]

I will be believe me. And I’m glad you guys understand.

[CMF]

Hey Velez,

How are you holding up? Have you spoken with him or cutting all ties?

I hope you have had some sleep and your friends in the real world are being there for you. Have you decided what to do for Xmas?

Hugs

CMF x

[velvetfaerie]

Just lost it on drive in to work. Losing it.

Devastated.

There are reasons.

I slept but was with help.

Just not going well.