how do i stop crying

Matchy69 · ‎30-09-2019

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

Aaronsis · ‎22-09-2020

Hi Mark

I hear what you are saying and it is so true and unfortunately so very right. Depression is not something that you can switch on and off and I am sure if this were the case it would have a permanent OFF switch, not just for you but for everyone. You are such a warrior in the way you do so many good things in your day to have some joy and to try to keep this beast at bay and I hope you do see that. You are a wonderful father and you are an amazing gardener, wonderful neighbor and such a caring and warm friend. These are very hard to achieve when I imagine how hard it would be to live with depression, but you do and you are so strong, even though you don't feel like it mostly.

How did the cake turn out for your son? I am sure he loved it. I have been doing a bit of baking for my two also. I did some cookies and also a ginger fluff sponge cake. I also had more of the brocoli that I grew for dinner last night and that was just so yummy and the kids even mentioned how good it was...yep..imagine that!!!

Things seem to be slowly getting better here in Victoria with the numbers coming down slowly, although I think that they are up a little today...just cannot wait until we can go to the movies or grab a bite to eat out....so grateful for these things now and I really appreciate the liberties we have in life.

A new jigsaw puzzle arrived today so I will get that happening tonight, although my son is working and my daughter mentioned something about pedicures and popcorn...that does sound fun.

Hope you are ok today my friend.

Hugs as always to you.

Sarah xx

Matchy69 · ‎23-09-2020

Hi Sarah that's cool you like doing jigsaws as I like to do them to and I have a couple of 1000 piece classic motorbike jigsaws to do.I use to do them all the time.
My daughter Alabama has decided to not see her psychologist any more so we don't have that support any more.Alabama wants to do a Tafe course over Christmas on animal care.She wants to be an animal attendant.
I got Alabama to help me plant some potatoes so my vegie garden is almost full for summer.I should be harvesting a lot of crops before Christmas.
Thats good the numbers have come down in Victoria and hopefully the restrictions slowly get eased for you and you can enjoy a few more things.
It's been hot here today.A storm was around yesterday but it missed us here.
Great to see your cats made it to the finals.Maby next year for my bombers.
Take care,
Your Friend,
Mark.

Matchy69 · ‎23-09-2020

I love the theme song to Cheers and can relate to these words.
Sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name.
And they're always glad you came .
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same

Aaronsis · ‎23-09-2020

I love that you wrote that...I hope you kind of feel like that here, when I am thinking about that now I certainly do feel like that. We do know each other's names, whether it be a real one or a username, we are kind of all the same, we are all here from pain or grief or guilt or depression or anxiety or just because we do need a place to call home.

I am so sorry your daughter is feeling like she needs to stop the therapy. I am sure that is really worrying for you, however, let's give her the benefit of the doubt and that she might find that a small break is what she needs right now. She sounds very positive with her Tafe Course in sight and her wanting to get out and spread her wings. It might be a good thing for a little while.

I am super excited about my Geelong boys they have played a really great season this year..as strange as it has been. Your team had a great season too, but yeah, maybe 2021 for you.

I haven't seen the numbers today but I think that there is going to be some sort of announcement on Sunday by our premier to state something about the restrictions..hopefully..easing....we will see. I am ready to get out now!

The sun is out today, and the rain, and the wind so it is a mixed bag here in Melbourne..as usual..lol

Hope you have a smile on your face today Mark.

Hugs to you

Sarah xx

Matchy69 · ‎23-09-2020

Hi Sarah it is a worry for me about my daughter not seeing her pchologist as she is finishing school next year and hasn't spoken a word at at school and has such bad panic attacks.
Something you don't know about me I have an unique first name as it is also my initials.My middle names Start with A and R and my surname starts with K.My dad's idea back in 1969.
I like Richmond and the lions but will go for the cats for you.
Take care,
Mark.

Aaronsis · ‎23-09-2020

Hey

I am sure it is a worry for you, BUT....maybe she is leading the way for a bit, maybe she feels like she is doing something for her. I think maybe all you can do is watch her, try to keep talking to her, well as much as she will share with you and see if the course next year, some new people, some new drive and direction might just be what she needs. I can understand how worried you are. I hope that her panic attacks lessen, how horrible for her, and for you too.

Oh well now I am intrigued, so your name is not Mark...that Mark is the initials of four other names, how exciting that you have a great name. I also meant to say in my last post what a wonderful name your daughter has and that you certainly did give her a great name.

I feel weird now saying your name now , that it is not your name..lol

Chat soon

Sarah...that really is my name..lol

Matchy69 · ‎25-09-2020

Hi Sarah I think Alabama is making a big mistake not continuing with her psychologist as when I was her age I needed help a d my parents did to but I wouldn't seek it and now regret it and my life could have been so much better.
Mark is my real first name and my initials spell it.Its pretty neat.
It has been nice and warm here and windy.I had to put a new grey water pump in as the otherone was tripping the safety switch.I put a dearer one in this time so hopefully it last longer.
My watermelons and pumpkins are just starting to come up.I hope you can get some crops to put in for summer.Looks like with the numbers coming down you will be able to do a few more things.It was interesting at Bunnings the other day as the sign had gone recommending you to wear a mask and the staff members had all stopped wearing mask .Hopefully we can get through summer without to much drama.
Take care,
Your friend,
Mark.

Aaronsis · ‎29-09-2020

Hey Mark

I know that you will feel torn by Alabama's choices, but you are so in tune with her and what she needs and what a normal day looks like for her that I am sure you will be very quick to notice if things are changing. I think it is really empowering for her to try to take some control of her feelings and her ability to use what she has learnt in the past, she really might surprise you! If things start to go down hill you will be there to grab her and put her back in the safety net she has been in before.

It is exciting that we are starting to get our numbers down, that we have had a few restrictions lifted and that we can see some light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that we can have some sort of family Christmas as there will be another one less at our table this year and it would be really hard not to be with my family at this time. As you know my dad is in NSW so I haven't seen him in ages so I hope that the borders can open soon.

My cauliflowers are booming and I am ready to pick one I think. I have also got some activity on the brussels sprouts but I am not sure if they are just going to flower or if they will have fruit???

The sun is out today so I am going to try to get out and have some of that on me, it is so wonderful when the weather is better, it just makes you feel better.

Hope you are good today my friend.

Hugs as always

Sarah xx

Matchy69 · ‎02-10-2020

Hi Sarah bad luck with the footy last night At least Geelong have a second chance.
This morning I got Alabama to help me put in some garden edging and will mulch it later.I still have Rosellas to plant They make a wonderful jam.You need to pick your cauliflowers before they bolt to flower.Brussel sprouts are a bit tricky to grow to set nice firm sprouts on them.I have been growing them for years and they have been a hit and miss with me getting good crops They are one of my favourite vegies.
It still is a worry with my daughter and her selective mutism.I took her to the dental van which I drove and hour to and wouldn't talk to the dentist and tell him which tooth was aching and in the end couldn't find which one it was.She only has one year left at school and still hasn't spoken a word at school.
Thats good the numbers have really come down for you in Victoria and start to be able to do a few more things and I hope the borders will open up for Christmas time.
It is really hot here today and starting to look very dry with high fire danger in place.Their is also a mouse plague here and they got into one of my bikes I restored worth $10000.
I hope you have a nice weekend.
Take care,
Your friend,
Mark .

Matchy69 · ‎02-10-2020

Today is always a funny day for me as it would have been my wedding anniversary and I always feel I don't know what I should be doing.