how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

I am so sorry to hear this and I just hope that you can share with someone, even a phone support service.

I understand you may not want to go into details here, but it really is safe, no one knows who you are in person if they met you in the street and there is certainly no judgement.

Please reach out if you are feeling bad, I am here for you my friend. No pressure but I am here.

Hugs to you my friend

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I think your one of the most genuine people on here.I just feel other people on here aren't and you were the only who cared about my surgery.I just don't like saying to much on this site anymore.

[Aaronsis]

I understand Mark, and I really do care.

I get bogged down in that sometimes too, about those that don't care and those that should, those that didn't contact me when my mother passed away, those that I would shift mountains for...BUT...I have to remind myself of the hard facts, that there are people who do love and care for me..I am to focus on them with love in return and not worry so much about the others that "should" do stuff that don't.

I am here...

Sarah xxx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah it was my friends birthday yesterday and I just cried.Couldnt give her flowers that I grew for her and couldn't send her msg to wish her happy birthday.I went to Bunnings wasted some money and come home.One good thing about wearing a mask no one can see the sadness on my face.

[Matchy69]

That was suppose to be wearing a mask

[Aaronsis]

I am so sad to hear that you are feeling so miserably Mark and that you are not able to celebrate your dear friend's birthday with her, and share the stunning flowers that you grew for her, which by the way is a really lovely thing to do for someone.

I do understand what you mean by wearing a mask and that it can "save face" so to speak, I too have found myself bursting into tears and have thought "thank goodness for this mask". I hope that you are feeling somewhat better today and that you are able to forgive yourself for the pain of this relationship that you feel you are responsible for losing. It is so much pain that you are carrying around and I am sure that this was not your fault alone Mark. I don't know the details but I feel like I know they type of caring and warm person you are and that you do treasure people and friendships so I wonder, maybe there was something else going on for her that we know nothing about.

I ate my first broccoli that I grew the other night, it feels so wonderful to have come full circle and enjoy what I grew, it is really cool, and super yummy too!

The weather is supposed to be nice this weekend so I need to get out and mow the lawn, some guys were chopping up the tree out the front that fell down a few weeks ago with the storm, at 7am mind you, with chainsaws and mulchers...lucky it was a work day...

Chat soon my friend and hope you are feeling better today.

Hugs

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah thanks for your kind words.I am finding it very painful today .I usually put a photo up of my mother on FB for her birthday but this year I can't as it seems to be a day of mourning the lost of my dear friend on this day.
Thats good you started eating your broccoli and yes they are yummy freshly grown.
Very warm here,in shorts and a t-shirt and winter seems like a distant memory.
School holidays just started here today.My daughter wants to fossicking for stones.
Take care,
Your friend,
Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Happy Heavenly birthday to your beautiful mother Mark.

I have somewhat of an idea what it is like now living without them and for me it is only recent so I cannot imagine how much harder it gets as the years go on.

I actually thought to myself the other day that if I am 45 I am potentially half way through my life and that means that I have to go the same amount of time with out my mum in my life, and my brother too for that matter. It really hits home.

Huge hugs to you and please be kind to you, you are a wonderful person Mark and I hope that you can find some joy with your daughter and fossiking for stones, it sounds fun.

Hugs my friend

Sarah xxx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah you never stop missing them and birthdays can be very hard.They are days that stand out on the calender.
The weather has turned cold here today and windy.
I have just put a cake in the oven as my son wanted me to make him one.Hes warned me out already and the holidays have just began.
Take care,
Your friend,
Mark.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I was just thinking about my depression and how it is something I can't switch on and off.Its with me constantly and I don't seem to have any control over it.It has been with me for years and their always seem to be something that happens in my life to keep me depressed when things look like they might be good for me.
Take care,
Mark.