how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

Good morning Mark

I am so sorry if by my asking about your school days i have brought this up again for you and made it all very painful for you..that was certainly not my intention.

I am so angry and sad too that this happened to you. Everyones pain is different.i was abused too as a child so i can understand that you have pain anger and grief over this but i cant know exactly how you are feeling..but i know your in pain and i am so sorry.

I was sad too to hear you'rehaving a tough morning and i hope that perhaps you might take a small walk outside to your beautiful garden and take a big breath and look at some of the beauty you have grown.

Kids are a struggle at the best of times but know you are doing such a wonderful job and have their very best at heart. I feel for you as i dont know what special needs children feels like but i can hear you are at your wits end today.

I am at baseball now and my son jjust got to second base. I am enjoying it as it is a mild morning.

Hugs for you Mark and i hope today finds a smile for you.

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Satah,i really wanted to explain what happened to me but it wasnt allowed.I am sorry that a similar thing happen to you.

I have just missing my friend badly,i know i am a good caring person who has never hurt anyone in my life but she thinks differently and i know i will never hear or see from her again.

Special needs kids have their ups and downs.The mornings are the worst with my son,awake at 5am and totally full on.Hes settled down a bit now.And when i am not feeling at my best it seems 10 times worst.

I did go out in the garden and did some watering.I hope you like the new rose photo i put on.I love the colour.

Let me know how the baseball game turns out.I use to play cricket and loved it.

Thanks for listening,i find yoy so easy to talk to.

Your friend,

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Hi mark

I am back home after a busy morning at baseball, they won 12 to 1 which was good but I felt for the other team, is better when they are more evenly matched and the less experienced team doesn't get flogged, it is not great. None the less they felt proud and did play well. My son has played since he was 6 so a pretty long time.

The flower is stunning, I love the colour, you are making me very jealous with all these amazing flowers..lol..it would be awesome to go for a walk in the garden and pick a whole bunch of them and put them in a vase to stare at all day, just stunning.

I guess the details to do with your experience are perhaps to much to put on here but I can only imagine and that just kills me. It is such a horrible horrible thing to have to go through it really is. Like you said to , at the hands of a friends father, a person esentially you are supposed to trust, very very tragic indeed. I just hope that I haven't dragged it all up from inside again for you that is all.

I hear you too with the kids being full on in the morning, I guess he would have had a great sleep and is up early and all ready to start the day, which I imagine would be very tough when you are struggling to even get out of bed. Guess what though, you are so strong and brave and you did get out of bed and you should feel proud as you didn't have to..so take the small wins Mark as you deserve a break.

I have just finished the grocery shopping, one of lifes shitty jobs..but it is done now so I can relax and wait for the kids to come, oh actually I am going to make a lasagne and test run some rose flavoured cup cakes for my daughters birthday, to go along with the cake...that I , let's call it CREATE...lol

It is so windy here today and my eyes are all a mess with hayfever, do you suffer that, it is so frustrating.

The cats are outside running around, how is bubbles today?

Chat soon

S

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,that was good your sons team won.I know close games are so much better.

It was ok asking me what happpened to me and its painful to think about at times.And has effected me in life with woman and having a happy sexual life.

Bubbles is under a tree asleep at the moment,its a hot day here and a bit windy.

The fun of grocery shoppping,i only do it fortnightly,its allways hard working out what the kids will eat.

I manage to give the kids lunch and they are happy.I just feel like crap today.I just want to stay in bed and cry all day but have kids to look after.

I glad you like the rose and can share them with you.

Your Friend,

Mark

[Matchy69]

Yes i do suffer from hayfever but thankfully i havent had any yet this spring

[Aaronsis]

Hey mark

Back from the kitchen, the cupcakes are yum but not rose flavoured enough...will add some flavour to the icing too I think. Just started the lasagne so the cooking is underway.

I so hope for you that in time you can get back to having a happy sex life as we do need it as people, not neccesarily actual sex but the hugs and kisses and intimacy and the feeling of being wanted. I hope that you can get to that point in your life if that is indeed what you would like.

I hear you when you say you just wish you could go to bed and cry and you know what, I think maybe when you drop the kids off you afford yourself the time to have a release and let the tears out. There is nothing wrong at all with crying and it is very theraputic and neccesary, I just dont' want it to be your normal that is all, and I know that is what you want too. You are so wonderful to be able to put the kids first and really try to hold off the emotions and think of them when all you want to do is fall in a heap, that is such a credit to you.

I find it very easy to talk to you too Mark, I just hope that I am providing something positive to you and maybe from time to time making the pressure of life a little easier to bear.

Hayfever if the pits, I end up looking like a bullfrog and have the sorest eyes and itchy and grrr, just so annoying.

Ohh I have just seen that they are replaying The real Dirty Dancing, here is another confession, I love the movie and could watch it all day, oh and I love watching the Batchelor too, so I am super happy that Bacherlorette is starting this week...lol..guilty pleasures in life.

Poppie my ginger cat just ran through the house at like 4000 miles an hour with her tail like a bottle brush, guess she didn't like something outside..lol

What time will you take the kids back to their mum's house?

Cheers

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Ho Sarah,you are really a positive influence in my life,i really appreciate you talking to me and encouraging me.Your an amazing person

Lasagne sounds yum and i cook it for the kids alot.One of the things they will eat.Talking about rose flavoured cakes,i actually make rose petal jam out of my roses.Taste yum.

I never had a normal sex life and allways struggled with doing it.I have only been with my ex wife as well.I am 50.

I drop the kids off at 5:30 today.My ex has been texting today and depressing about stuff,i just dont know about today.

Mark

[Aaronsis]

I am so happy to hear that I have be something positive in your life and that I am in some small way helping you, that is wonderful to hear, thanks so very much for saying that I am amazing, not really a word I would use to describe myself so thank you Mark.

Rose petal jam, wow, that sounds so fancy and I would not have thought to have made jam out of rose petals but I am sure that it would be beautiful. I have only recently had a champagne where you but a hibiscus in and that was sooo good.

I haven't had that many sexual partners so I am not sure I can be of much advice there but you know what, 50 is not old and if you really felt like you might like to find a partner sometime in the future I think you would surprise yourself with the experience. It is a very different game dating now to when we were kids and I am not sure that I would recommend the whole online thing but I am sure that one day if you feel that you could perhaps be apart of a something you love to do, a car club or even a walking or gardening club you may meet someone there. You are so caring and I feel like you would have a lot of love to give, I also think that as we get older the need for actual sex declines and the need for intimacy increases, well that is what i think anyway, so I feel like perhaps the scenarios you may run through your head may be very different now if you were to meet someone. But you can think about that later, I would just like for you to feel happy with you and have some love for you first, as you deserve it and I hope you can find it to love yourself.

I am sorry today has been really tough for you, I can hear it in your messages and I wish I had a wand to magically make it better for you.

Off to put the lasagne together now and get it in the oven, gee this cooking thing takes time and energy doesn't it.....my kids love my lasgne too so I am happy to make it for them.

BRB
Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,Lasagne is good to cook and everyone usally loves it.I have 60 jams that i make my mulberry and rosella be my most popular ones that people like.

I would love to just have someone to sit and hold hands with.I miss just the simple things like a hug.I dont think i would be able to do it these days.I dont think it works.

Thankyou for your kind words you allways make me feel better and you are amazing you have been through so much and here you are talking to someone else struggling.

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Wow..60 jams crickey..that is amazing..I don't even think I can list 60! You really are very clever.

You know, holding hands, laughing, kissing, lying together, cooking together, there are sooo many more things two people can do to share love than doing it and I really feel as I get older...44..lol..that sex itself matters less and less and it is the connection, trust and friendship that matters so much more. I feel like one day in the future when you are ready you will be absolutely capable of making someone very happy, we just need to get you happy first..that is my wish for you.

I am going through alot myself and I too feel pretty lousy some days, but that is ok and I just let myself crash and then say ok, enough of that and go find something good. Talking on here to you and sharing your pain and your journey in life has given me so much to think about and about how important it is to be kind and to care for other people as you really don't know what they are going through. I have sort of gotten out of my own way lately and focus on others to manage my grief so it has been so wonderful for me to talk to you and to get to know you.

I can't believe it is so close to Christmas, I just saw an add..omg...where has the year gone?

S