Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[White_Rose]

Hello Fiasco

Please tell me what you are doing and thinking. I cannot help unless I know more about you. I have written on your other thread and I hope you have read it.

Starting lots of threads is not a good idea. We need to know what you have already said and what replies you have had. If you write in several places we cannot properly understand what is happening.

Please, tell us what is happening or phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636, or the suicide call back line on 1300 659 467. These people can help you.

Mary

[Fiasco]

I need help. But I can't ask for what I need because I don't know. No one can help me. I have to help myself. It's so lonely in my head. Everyone has their own burdens. I can't tell my husband. He gets so upset and I feel so guilty because he thinks I don't love him or the kids and I'm being so selfish. I am. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to give up.

[MsPurple]

HI Fiasco. White Rose is right we need a little more information on how we can help you. Also they gave you the number to call if you need someone to talk instantly

On the forums it can take some time to get a response. Us community champions try be diligent and reply to all posts within 24 hours however occasionally we miss one and it takes more than 24 hours to reply. We are a great support system here on the forums but if you need someone to reply instantly maybe try the beyond blue chat online which can be found on the bottom right of the page (note only available 3pm-12am)

Hope this helps. Let us know if you want to discuss something in particular

[Fiasco]

Thank you. I feel like there's so many issues I don't know where to begin. My mother has mental health issues and has never had a job or been able to drive because of them. She and my father have a volitile and toxic relationship, and my father used to bash her and me. He left many times, the first i remember being on my 7th birthday. I thought it was my fault. I was sent to boarding school when I was 11 and I hated it. I began self harming and having eating issues. At 17 I moved away by myself to do university, and got myself raped when I was 18. After that I had 16 years of relative stability with my now husband, even through miscarriages, ivf and still birth. My brother contracted HIV, my grandparents who I was very close to died, and then after I lost my son last year I completely broke down. I'm done. I want out. I can't do any more. I'm nlt strong enough

[White_Rose]

I think this is one time you need to talk to your husband. Perhaps a cuddle and tell him you feel lonely. Talk about how nice it is to be with him now the children are in bed. Just the two of you perhaps talking or perhaps watching TV together.

Please don't shut him out. He is the one who can comfort you the most. Tell him you know it worries him when you feel unwell and how you don't want to upset him. Tell him how much easier it is when he just holds you, no words needed. Let down your guard a little. When two people love each other they want to help and support the other. Give him the opportunity to support you. He may worry but he will also know you want his help.

Mary

[Fiasco]

I'm always the one who needs help - I'm a huge burden to my husband. He has a stressful job, two young kids and then on top of that instead of having an equal partner to help make his life easier, he has me. I've made his life so much worse. What he's been through because of me is ridiculous. He needs me to be strong because it's not fair for him to always have to look after me. So I'm pretending to be ok. And I will be or I won't. If I am, then I'll be glad I didn't worry him. If I'm not, then I won't be a burden anymore.

[White_Rose]

I am so sorry you feel this way. I do understand about not being a burden. Been there myself.

Well if you feel you cannot ask your husband for help, then perhaps you could try the two helplines I suggested. You will not be burdening them in any way and they may well be the outlet you need. I have never met anyone who has gone through depression without help. These folk are on the spot whenever you need help and could save you so much pain.

In the meantime, write in here as often as you need. Just venting can help. It's not always possible for someone to to reply immediately and when you feel so very down you need someone to talk to. I will keep dropping by to chat.

Mary

[Fiasco]

I made it through the night. Have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow.

still suffering. Have my 4 year old with me. Which is good, because if I was alone I don't know how I'd go.

[Fiasco]

I did chat to the beyond blue helpline last night.

but I've decided that talking to people makes me feel worse. I'm now trying to distract myself and make it through the day.