Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[ci]

Fiasco I have no words to help but I wanted to say I read your posts and they felt like I wrote them I am a mum and wife feeling like you and tiered of feeling this way.

You are not alone. And you are strong for reaching out for help! Please be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. Talking can make it harder to start but slowly will start to make it better.

[Fiasco]

Thank you.

It helps knowing I'm not the only one.

[White_Rose]

Fiasco, I was thinking about you this morning after an appointment with my doctor. I won't go into all the details but I was told I needed to manage the way I think, not keep asking for help. It was actually quite a shock as I did not think I did this. Thought I was managing quite well and only needed others on some occasions. I live and learn.

Despite that I still believe talking can help however hard it can be to start. When we say the words out loud it makes them more real but also helps to trim away the bits that are not relevant. When someone responds it can open up a whole new thought process. If we all had the answers to everything there would be no problems. So talking to someone who understands you and what is happening can be a new light.

I hope all goes well with your psychologist tomorrow.

Mary

[Fiasco]

Thank you.

i have found this too. When I finally asked for help just over a year ago, I found that everyone seems to advocate 'it ain't weak to speak' etc, but the message from psychiatrists, nurses etc that I got is that you are the only one that can help yourself. So then I wondered what the point of exposing my vulnerabilities is, and it's so hard for me to do, when no one can help me anyway. It all seems very contradictory to me. Sure, ask for help, but once you admit you need it we'll put you down for asking for it because you should be able to manage your own thoughts....

sorry! I have a lot of anger about what I've experienced in hospital.

[Fiasco]

Last night I finally admitted to my husband how I've been feeling. I played it down a lot, but I actually feel a lot better. Just knowing that he knows I've been a bit low somehow really helps. And although I can see he's really worried and he is watching me very carefully now (thank goodness I didn't tell him all that's been on mind), he has also been helping out with the kids and being very supportive rather than just suspicious and untrusting. Which is so good.

feeling a bit more positive this morning.

[White_Rose]

Congratulations on the talk. When we admit to our feelings to someone who cares, it can be very therapeutic. I am so pleased you finally found the courage and even more pleased your husband was receptive.

You said, I found that everyone seems to advocate 'it ain't weak to speak' etc, but the message from psychiatrists, nurses etc that I got is that you are the only one that can help yourself. In many ways both statements are right. it ain't weak to speak but we need to pick our audience, those who will be supportive of us. you are the only one that can help yourself. That is only the first step in the process. Until you ask and are prepared to work on your recovery there is not a lot others can do. In reality those representatives of the health profession were over-simplifying matters. They need to be partners in your recovery journey, show you the way, listen to your story, tell you when you slip off the path, work with you to discover the best way back to health for you. Without your determination and co-operation it will not work. And rarely will it work when you try to do it on your own.

You said you played it down a little when talking to your husband. Now that's sad. You will need to tell him the whole story at some time and now you have started letting it all out I think giving him the whole story soon would be more helpful than to continue pretending. Can you look at the thread in Suicidal thoughts and self harm/To tell or not to tell/Stressless. Towards the end there are two posts by Quercus addressing much the same situation as yours. I am quite frankly in awe of her courage and I hope she doesn't mind me suggesting you look at her posts. She also has her own post in Long term support over the journey/Feeling well enough to find my voice again/Quercus.

I think it will be worth your time to read Quercus thread and then the two posts in Stressless' thread. This is one brave lady. You are also a brave lady because you have decided to get your life back. It's often the start that is so hard and you have got over that hurdle.

OK enough of the lecture for today. 😊 I hope this has helped.

Mary

[Fiasco]

Thank you Ci.

i hope today was a better day for you?

[Fiasco]

Thank you Mary for the referral - her words were very moving.

I don't think I could ever tell someone how I really feel, because I'm so rarely honest with myself. I try to fake it til I make it - pretend to be ok until I am. I feel like I'm not brace enough to face my own thoughts let alone share them, and I feel like such a bad person for even thinking them, so what would others think. Who I present to the world and who I am are very different.

My husband is barely coping as it is, I can't keep doing this to him. I need to be strong for him.

[White_Rose]

Thank you for telling me and being honest about it. You will move on when you are ready. If you have read all of Quercus thread you will know she has struggled with similar problems as you.

I find the being honest with myself one of the most difficult things to do. What makes it harder is that I really believe I am being honest until something happens or someone makes a comment to me. Then I crash and need to start all over again. It's harder than it looks.

Mary

[ci]

Thank-you fiasco

Today has been much better. Must have been something in the air last night I to spent my night talking with my husband. It helped a lot to get things out but as you said I to held back I couldn't put everything out in the open.

I hope your day has been ok I want to reply to you properly but I'm sorry I'm unable to today so I'll finish this reply tomorrow.

Just know your not alone and things will get better