Everything is so hard

[Karen71]

I was am a student tafe.

I put all assignments in.

I completed all work.

i had problems with one assignment whick shook me.

Mental health assignment .

I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story.

She dosent like me so shrugged my attempt off.

I failed my test in the last week.

18mnths for nothing.

They dont care that im torn apart.

4 wrong on acute means to bad to sad.

I tried so very hard.pateints loved me.

Teachers not.

My first test was 1 week after abdominal surgery my sevond the same week that i learnt my son was needing a op to save his sight.his 8.with aspergus.

I tried so veryhard.i studied till 2 am most nights because i couldnt when kids were awake.

All day its tantrums.all night its study.

I have always suffered from depression and ptsd.

I sucked it up took the bull by the horns and did my best.

I alwayfail.idont belong.

It sucks.im tied im defeated.im so alone.

I hate life peole are mean.

No im not in danger im simply done.

Why are people so mean.why do they lie and alienate.why dont i be long.

My teacher simply felt i shouldnt pass.

What is that.

Just because i make a complaint they make my life hell.

My life is already full of stress i didnt need them to add to it.

Im shattered.

Ive creid for 4 weeks now.the skin around my eyes is starting to blister.

Why are eople so cruel.

My son cant play with other children.

He has to stay 1 meter away from all kids at school.

Seriously why dont people realise the pooain they give to others.

Im sohurt.so very sad.

I want to give up but i cabt because of the kids.

Im sostied.i dont likwe this world its mean and nasty.is

[demonblaster]

Hey kaz & all 🙂

Just checking in to see how you are Karen, hope you're feeling a bit better today

Hope yous all ok for that matter

Have a good day guys

[topsy_]

Hi again Karen

How are you going. I think we all hope you are feeling better than you were.

Will keep coming back to check.

Cheers, Lyn.

[Karen71]

Hi everyone.

Hope you r all doing well.

Im finally out of bed. But im a little alot worried. My head is weird.

My body shaks inside.

My head has a fog and im saying silly things like to my son good niggt instead of have a great day.

I dont know . Im talking tomyself and sitti g for hours as though its minutes.

Something is wrong and i dont know what it is.

Everything smells of dust or webs or burnt toast .like im rolli g in it.

I cant tell the docyor or see a shrink or councessor as i dont know whats wrong.

I hardly recognise myself.

Mm damn i think im in trouble.

Im sorry im always complg.I dont see how bullshitting will help me though. But i am sorry.

My head is wrong.i g.i

[demonblaster]

Kaz don't at all feel bad about talking here, we want you to. This is what here's about & we can't support you & hopefully help if we don't know so good on ya girl 🙂

Darlin, listen and do lovey.

You MUST go & see the doctor ok.

If it's hard to say it, what about printing your post if you can or asking DR if you can go into BB (Beyond blue) here to your thread & he can read what you've said darl. Or write what you've said here & give it to him.
And anything else, tell him/her the whole story, where you're at mentally is esp important too, in writing you can get it all out as opposed to talking we forget, interruptions, distractions etc.

With luck it could be a medication reaction or exhaustion or ? but sweetheart you really MUST get to the Doctor, they can sort you for counsellor or psychologist but first you need to get yourself physically better.
When you ring tell the office people it's urgent, you need to see Doc asap.
Not to scare you but you need this sorted, they have spots usually that they can put priorities in first.

Let us know darl when you can 🙂
Hope it's an easy fix hun.

best xx

[demonblaster]

I'll research one day about depression & chemical brain reactions, they mainly say it's chemicals that cause BP's (Bipolar) cycles but read recently they don't know for sure but chemicals sound reasonable. But I wouldn't know.

Thought a lot about BP's highs. Everything you need to succeed in a project comes flooding in at accelerated rate, think maybe it all happens so fast cause it's exhausting, not only the brain turned on or racing but the severe lack of enough sleep on top, It doesn't last long usually around a week for biggies (though you can keep it going for lonnnng time) cause of hitting the wall, even then it pushes furthur in the whoppers,

So It's a chemical inbalance, I think chemicals also cause depression?
I'm learning to push through the inbetweens "normal" times to try & get balance. Other reasons too, (getting on with stuff, distraction, achievement, working towards goals).

I said to friend other day, on the highs (what people take drugs for, not sure anything can match this but dunno for sure) you've got everything anyone wants in life, motivation, energy, confidence, ideas, see the path for success, belief & high above happiness, lifes magic. Yes that could be argued, delussional which is strong in BP highs but luckily I don't have grand deur or hallucinations. I'm still majority rational (majority I say cause I WAS yrs ago compulsive on Pokies 21 yr habit, beat it)
No one on this earth doesn't wanna feel that good. But chemical disfunction or not we all experience happiness like that at times, sleep affected & all the other bits no doubt too.
What happens in a high has to be what successful people have happening to achieve, you can't without it. Tools for success, they wouldn't ALL be BP would they?
So if it's their in all of us then it'd be reasonable to say we can get there.

Anyway dunno how I'll go but win win cause at least I'll be working towards goals & doing stuff instead of Zilch pretty much in between times, & cause I have so many episodes, cycles these days maybe it won't work but worth having a go.

Balance does though make sense for us all.
Pushing through non motivation that depression has a degree in amongst all the other nasties.

[topsy_]

Hi Karen

It is lovely to have heard from you.

I think you need to see your Doctor right away too. Not just for your mental illness but also the meningitis. I think it is important to really have that checked out to make sure it's gone away.

I will look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Wishing you well, Lyn.

[demonblaster]

Hey guys, Hey Kaz 🙂

Just popping in for a quicky to see how you are darl, been thinking of you, hope you got to Dr & feeling bit better now.

When you're up to it keep us up to date if that's ok hun

Table tennis tonight, didn't go last week, was wrecked & still am but lot better very down. What a relief when things start looking up aye & it will for you too Kaz.

[demonblaster]

How ya goin Kaz 🙂

Even if just for a quicky if you're up to it darl, love to hear how you're goin

xx

[demonblaster]

Hey girl hey all

thinking of ya darl

Hoping you're getting treatment you're needing 🙂

Looking forward to going out to see a really good band tonight & tearing up the dance floor.

If I don't cya today, will check in when here next xx

[demonblaster]

Hey Kaz girl & all 🙂

I've been wondering if you're in hospital.

Which would mean I"m guessing you've spoken to GP. Hope so.

Be good to see you when you're back.

Hope you're getting the help you need darlin

Went out last night, couple of very good friends came with some of their friends. Saw a band I really like, but heads been South a lot lately. Their sets were good but couldn't get mojo for dancing much, did a bit but yeah.

Saw a friend before it. Was good.

catch ya darl