DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

Just thought i would stop in to see how your travelling?

💚💛

[Doolhof]

Hi startingnew,

How very kind and thoughtful of you to drop by and ask how I am travelling. As you can see, it has been some time since I wrote here.

I'm trying to be aware each day of how I am feeling and how I can best get through the day. Considering what is working and what isn't. Can I change it or do I just need to go with the flow and try something different later.

I'm very aware I quite often shut down, become disassociated and try to distance myself in different situations, so I am trying to overcome those situations when I can.

Most days I go for a walk or do some work in the garden unless it is hot. I dislike the heat! Now and then I have extra days at work. My boss surprised me on the Australia Day public holiday by coming in to work, we had a good day together and she thanked me for my help.

Next week I am spending a couple of nights away and will be staying in the city. I'm looking forward to walks along the river, visiting the art gallery and museum, a walk in the Botanical gardens and a trip to the beach which is a lot closer to the city than from where we live. Hopefully it will not be too hot.

I really appreciate you dropping by! It means so much to me, thank you and huge virtual hugs to you. Hope you are doing okay.

You have really made my day! (Huge smiley face from me)

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[startingnew]

Hey Mrs D

its good to hear from you and im glad that your smiling. thats lovely to know.

your upcoming holiday sounds lovely and refreshing. i hope that you enjoy yourself. fingers crossed the weather where you are will be nice too. Im not a heat person either, im quite sensitive to it even when i was much younger. shorts singlet and thongs are my frequent attire even in winter!

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

We are all different in regards to the weather aren't we. I have friends who love the heat, the hotter the better.

I am looking forward to my time away. I need to get the garden cleaned up a little and watered ready for when I am away. A recent burst of heat cooked a lot of plants! The roses especially really had their leaves scorched.

Woke up this morning feeling a little glum, so need to work on that and turn my thoughts around to something more positive.

It is going to be hot later so I will do some outside work this morning then will retreat inside the house! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

Yeah i know a few people who love the heat too. not me though!

I hope that your not feeling so glum today?

[Doolhof]

Hi startingnew,

To be honest I seem to keep falling back into the "what am I here for?" way of thinking where I struggle to find a purpose or much meaning for being here.

Along with this goes feelings of disconnection.

It is weird being here yet feeling like I am just in a movie set and not really part of what is going on around me. It is a little hard to explain. I don't know if others feel similar.

I go to work, walk into the place and feel like it is my first time ever being there. I walk out at the end of my shift and wonder what that was all about! Same with coming home. I look around and wonder if this is really my home.

The mind does strange and wonderful things doesn't it!

Sorry to read you are struggling so much!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi,

Feeling quite depressed right now and having trouble seeing any good in life.

Maybe going for a walk will help.

It is frustrating when doing what I hope will help makes me feel worse.

Anyone else have this happen? If so, how do you keep going?

Cheers from Dools

[Ggrand]

Dear Dools...

Its very hard to find positives when we are feeling depressed...I’m sorry your having trouble finding some...

There are so many positive things around you...1st is you and your beautiful caring heart....You are a positive and very valuable person with lots of care that you give to so people on the forums and in r/l....

I know you like walking...maybe on your walk...take a pen and paper..with the alphabet written down ways...and fill in each letter through your walks..it may take time to complete...doesn’t have to be in order...maybe on a walk you see a magpie..write it under M..What about a Kangaroo for K...or a rock for R...it can be fun and it’s very mindful for you... distracting those negative thoughts...you’ll be surprised at what you can find....

I so much wished..I had some more ideas for you..I just wanted to let you know that I care..we all care about you..your one very special and precious friend to so many here...I just wanted you to know that..

My kindest and most caring thoughts...with a hug 🤗.

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Dear Grandy,

Thank you so much for your kind words, I greatly appreciate them. Wouldn't it be wonderful if myself and others could see the good in ourselves instead of all our faults and inadequacies.

I like your suggestion about trying to find something during a walk to write on an A to Z list. Might have to look in a dictionary or encyclopaedia ahead of time to fill in some of the letters!

Walking is an activity I usually enjoy. Lately I have experienced a lot of pain in one foot. The Dr thinks it could be a trapped nerve in the back. I need to organise another Drs appointment to get a referral for an MRI which needs to be done in the city. Some days I can walk a reasonable distance other days the pain is horrid.

I know depression entices us to shut down and shut ourselves away and that is what I have been doing. It makes me even more lonely and I then struggle to reach out to people. It is an awful cycle.

I have just stayed a couple of nights in the city and I reacted badly to being away from home! I did find it peaceful walking along the river and enjoyed the art gallery. I spent a lot of time in my accommodation doing very little. Guess my body had a rest, shame the mind was such a mess!

As my back was aching, I decided to have a massage. It is taking me days to recover! Ha. Ha. The lady was tiny but goodness me she had an amazing amount of power! I feel like I was hit by a truck! Now I need physio to recover form the massage!

My Dad's birthday is coming up soon. It seems strange not to be able to celebrate it with him since he died last year, so I will do some celebrating myself on his actual day.

Some days I just feel I have no purpose, so thanks for your kind words Grandy, they mean a lot to me.

Hugs to you and I hope you are doing okay. Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools

sorry you are feeling depressed but pleased you are willing to share with others.

I people have said write down what is worrying you , or what upsets me,and I do and I feel worse because it make me dwell on things further.

I wonder how you are feeling today.

I am not much help but I hoped it helped to share in some small way.