DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Nat,

Hi. I love your food ideas. Thank you so very much, I really appreciate it. I'm going to Google how to make golabki! It sounds like something I would enjoy also. The dietician didn't mention rice flour, but as it is rice I guess it will be okay.

You have also reminded me of an Asian dish wrapped in lettuce leaves. I could use the ingredients I have to try that as well, plus use rice paper! Thanks for the prompt to look at different ideas Nat!

I see the dietician again on Thursday. I have been making a cross between stew and a soup with some of the ingredients. Tonight I will make a risotto style meal.

On Sunday after Church I was invited by some ladies to join them having lunch in a café then we went to an Open Garden. I was able to enjoy a decaf coffee and had eaten some rice cakes I had prepared earlier in the car before joining them in the café.

The garden we went to was so beautiful. I took a few photos and admired all their hard work. I did wonder what their water bill was like! It is wonderful people open their gardens up for others to enjoy.

The ladies all enjoyed afternoon tea there as well. I enjoyed their company as they ate cake and had cups of coffee and tea. It was a lovely day to be sitting out in the sunshine for a while.

I am feeling a little better thanks Nat. I'm really working hard on trying to acknowledge the negative thoughts and not let them grow and fester!

It is supposed to be hot in our region this week so I will go out and do a little watering later. I did some weeding this morning. Those blighters just keep on growing don't they! At least there is still something green in the garden!

Thanks dear precious Nat, cheers from Mrs. D

[Birdy77]

Dear Mrs Dools,

I am so glad you were able to go and enjoy the open garden, and that you went to the cafe with your friends even if you couldn't indulge in much.

I was thinking you could make a white sauce out of your:
Nuttelex
Rice flour
Rice milk
Add some minced leek for flavour.

This could go on your green beans, as a sauce for your white potatoes or as a dipping sauce or pour over sauce for your san-choy-bow type asian wraps or your golabki. Nuttelex in your white potatoes makes for a yummy mash, i use it in mine.

Are there any other basics you are allowed (i looked at your list to Quirky from a few posts ago).

You mentioned you might need to be reduce chemicals in things like shampoos, toothpaste etc. There is an excellent online store called biome. They have lots of toxic-free products and they also have a range of DIY recipes so you can make your own things eg. Household cleaning, personal hygiene, cleansers etc. Simple recipes with simple ingredients.

Like Nat, i don't want to overwhelm you in any way, but wanted to mention it as an idea.

I hope you are having an ok day and enjoying pulling some of those weeds. I'm doing the same.

Be well Mrs D.

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Dear birdy,

HI to you and thank you very much for your suggestions! I greatly appreciate them. Yes, I could look for some rice flour or make my own and make the white sauce as you suggested. That is a good idea.

I need to get my thinking past "Oh my goodness, is that all I can eat!" to "Oh my goodness, look at how much I have available to me. What interesting ways can I prepare that!"

Thanks also for the name of the online store. I need to investigate this side of things more.

You and Nat have not overwhelmed me at all, I am totally appreciative of your suggestions.

The dietician suggested I brush my teeth with bicarb soda. It is an interesting taste! Ha. Ha. I would chew on some mint to freshen my breathe but that is not allowed at present.

I see the dietician on Thursday, she could change the diet radically again so will wait and see.

I'm working on ways to change and enhance my life in as many ways as I can.

Attending the open garden with the ladies was lovely, it didn't bother me that they were able to enjoy the food while I declined. My taste buds were having a little party just looking at the delicious cakes and scones they were enjoying.

Hope you are doing okay birdy. Thanks for dropping by and for all your wonderful suggestions.

Cheers to you and all reading, from Mrs. Dools

[Birdy77]

Hello Mrs D,

I was wondering how you were going after seeing the dietitian again yesterday. Have there been any changes to the amazingly awesome list of womderfully diverse and delicious foods you can enjoy (🙄)?

I saw a recipe for two-ingredient flatbread (roti) made with rice flour and water. The simplest method i saw was on happybellyfish.com if you wanted to try out making these wraps/flatbreads.

I hope you are finding some moments of contentedness amongst the difficulties.

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Hi birdy and all reading,

Thanks for dropping by birdy and for your suggestions on where to find a recipe for roti.

I did see the dietician yesterday and she seems to think the diet changes made so far are making no difference. She is thinking I may have a conscious or sub-conscious gut v mind thing happening. Apparently there is a lot more research happening about the connection between our minds and our gut system.

I am now on a high fibre diet, all the fruit and veg I can eat, nuts, seeds, legumes and so forth. She told me how much I need to eat in cooked vegetables or if I choose salad, it has to be 5 cups full per day. Wow! I am going to turn into a rabbit or a cow!

Maybe it is the diet cleansing the mind a little, combined with my husband being home form his holiday and a change of employment services creating a calmer me as I feel like I am making improvements in my mental health.

The staff at the new employment centre actually treat me with respect and dignity! They don't ignore me, scowl at me or speak crossly to me. In return, I am not experiencing panic attacks when I walk into their office!

I'm venturing out here on the forum more now as well and that makes me feel good.

Hope you are doing okay birdy. I have really appreciated people dropping by to help in so many ways.

Cheers to you, from Mrs. D

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Mrs Dools,

I am pondering this statement.

"Apparently there is a lot more research happening about the connection between our minds and our gut system."

I have read a few articles and heard a radio segment about this.

I thought it was recent discovery but apparently it is not.

In the early 1900s, scientists thought there was a relationship between gastrointestinal health and mental health. By 1930, this idea was changed and it was felt that mental health disorders were an influencing factor in gastrointestinal disorders.

Isn't that interesting , when I thought there was often a distinction between mental and physical health.

I often experiment with diet, I have gone from omnivore, vegetarian, vegan and many others in between.

I like fruit and was once told I ate too much but if I cut down I feel very low.

Sorry if I am rambling but food and its connection with moods does really fascinate me.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for your sharing. I was not aware about the connections made decades ago in relation to mind and guy health.

Have you read any books on this subject? I did have a bit of a look on the internet but that just confuses me more sometimes. Ha. Ha.

I asked a Dr about this connection to see if there may be any professionals working on this concept in S.A. and he told me he didn't know of any.

Chocolate has always made me feel more depressed the next day. I feel that some of the foods on my various diets recently have been triggers as well, but it is too difficult for me to pinpoint which ones.

I'm struggling to eat the amount of vegetables that have been recommended. Tonight I just had a huge plate of cooked vegetables for dinner! I like them, it is just the amount that I need to consume!

Cheers to you and all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Dear Mrs Doolsy and everyone hi there 😊

Doolsy just dropping in for a very overdue cuppa and to see how you are lovely lady ☺

I'm a slacker Doolsy. Truth you're one of my lovely friends here that I think of often and wonder if you're ok but never get to saying so.

I very much hope the silence is because lifes being easier on you but sadly suspect you continue to have more than your share of hard times.

No need to reply to this if you're not wanting to go into it but just know you're very cared about and appreciated I'm sure in real life (rl) and certainly here.

On the table cloth I set up outside for our tea and cake I baked which is a mmm wait up just need to wipe my mouth... choccy 🍫 mud cake ... you know I must admit I think it'd taste better without the mud though 😄 is a big smiley sun beaming out rays of light. All you have to do is place your hand palm down across it's smile close your eyes, see it in your mind and feel the light and warmth enter your soul.

Good days wished for you lovely lady ☺🤗 and all good people for that matter.

[Doolhof]

Hi DB,

Thanks for dropping by. I have not used this thread for a long time! I have a new thread called "They're Back!" in the Suicidal Section. You are more than welcome to drop by there and say Hi as this thread is similar in a way and I will become confused using two! Ha. Ha.

Please don't think I am being rude in suggesting this DB, that is not my intention. I would enjoy having a further chat with you if you would like to drop by the other thread.

Life has thrown me a few issues I have not dealt well with and I had my complex PTSD flare up causing all kinds of interesting episodes.

I really thank you for dropping by and thanks for the cake and cuppa and the lovely image of receiving light and warmth for my soul.

Hope you are doing okay. Cheers to you DB from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi DB,

It is lovely to read your message. Lately I have not been coping so well and started a different thread called "They're Back" in the suicide section, so I have been communicating on that thread and had not been writing here as well.

I had sent you a message earlier but was notified it was in breach of rules so I will try again.

To me, this thread is similar in a way to my new one so I am not sure that I will be continuing to write here as well. I don't want to clog up the system with two very similar threads.

I'm still not really sure how I broke the rules.

Maybe I just need to take a step back for a while. I had thought I was doing okay but seems like I have it all wrong all over again!

Some days I have no idea why I even try.

Cheers from Dools