Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi J , Its crazy how it keeps hanging on hey ... ups and downs ....i had the same, didn't think it would ever pass ...i thought that going back into the relationship was the only answer ...which i know now would never have worked ...i see a shrink lady which i find very helpful and i still see her ....Whats happen to you is pretty normal its grieving , just go with it ...talk with the professionals ...and be kind to your self ....I had the same thoughts about the other person and why and what didn't i have and all that stuff .... and you know further down the track a little more clear of the grief i really see her for what she is ...and that helps me understand ....its a real hard time ...i know what you mean ...your close to a change at 6 months ...it will get easier... stay looking after your self beautiful lady ... whats happening to you is normal ... Make today a nice day for you xx

[There]

Thanks for your uplifting words Simon. I read them when I needed it the most. Really helped me.

Mom afraid I’m having a pretty down moment. Lately I’ve been feeling so down and now crying and can’t stop. I don’t feel like it’s going to get easier.

did you end up back with your ex? When did things start getting easier?

I’m between therapists right now trying to find one that I like which is hard. Takes 3/4 sessions to work out if I like them. I’m persistent so I’ll find one will just take some time I think.

Jx

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi J , Weekends are not good ...hang in there and do what ever you need to do watch a movie ...get out and walk is the best ...sometimes its hard ...I didnt get back with her ...and i wont.. i know it wouldn't be right for me

I recon things started getting easier after about 6 months ...but everyone is different ... The crying is good your letting it out ...grieving ...finding the right person to talk with is the key ... try to remember the things that didn't work for you in the relationship and try to see that those things would probably not change ...it can be a trap to remember the good and forget the bad and start it all over again ...you dont want that ...you want happiness and it will come and through this experience you will know what you dont want in a relationship ...I truly hope you feel better soon its a real shack up i fully understand ...

Look after yourself J ... Put yourself first for the next month ... everything else takes second ....

Hope this has helped ...

[There]

Has helped thank you.

I’m calling a new therapist today to see if I can get in. Fingers crossed.

Have you moved on with someone new? I just can’t get past that we would be better together and I see myself getting stuck into remembering all the good things and not the bad. I’m getting in my head thinking we’re the bad things actually bad or am I trying to make them worse than they are to get past him?

Im also feeling some grief over a mutual friend we had (she was more mine as she is dating his best mate but came on the scene after me) and she’s just dropped off the face of the earth. Granted I haven’t made contact because I can’t deal and need space and can’t put myself through seeing her because it all reminds me of the times we were all together.

Ugh.

J x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , I read your post and it sounds so familiar..

im going to write back when I can get on my computer.. stupid phone has such a small key pad .. ha ha

your normal J and I have felt all what you have explained .. your a loving and caring person and it hurts us more when these things happen in our lives ...your perfect .. you will get past this .. a big hug to you, beautiful lady .. ..

chat soon xx

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi hope your day went okay

I have got all those feeling come back lately and ive been doing so well ...anyway this is when i would like to swear but not allowed to ...

I have seen a couple of ladies since but it was terrible ...no connection at all ...so im happy to be single at the moment ...maybe if you could find the right person it would help ...i do wish i could just rap my arms around a lady for a week end ...that would be nice ...just some comfort ...

i understand the strong feelings ....and it does pass ...its grieving so it comes back ....

how did you go with the new shrink ...like you said it takes a bit to know ...i truly hope this one is right ...

The friend thing is hard ...you dont deserve to be treated any other way but with respect ...true friend are hard to find and when we get low thats when we need our real friends to show up ...

I look back and truly with a clear mind i would not have been able to handle certain behaviours she had ...and they were big things to me and i tried to explain myself and it wasn't heard ...im sure she could say the same about me ...i dont cast blame ...the baggage was there and we didnt get past it ...and thats okay ...i learnt a lot ...im still feeling the grief ...but getting better ... I hope you feel stronger today after the visit with the shrink person ...

you sound like a smart lady you have a responsible job that your good at ... you want a relationship thats easy and loving both ways you want respect for the person you are ...and you need trust ...

a good friend told me once you need love , trust and respect and if you lose one of them you lose them all ... ive never forgotten that ...

Have a nice night and a great week beautiful Lady ...

just a reminder ....your number one for the month starting today 🙂

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi J ...Just checkin in

Hope your week has been okay ...how did you go with the new therapist ? ...hope it worked out and you are happy with him/her ....

Saturday Mornings are great for a big walk ... 🙂 ....if you wanted too ... x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi, found this thought you might get something from it 🙂 Hope your going okay

"How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch YouTube .