Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[There]

Hey Rx,

Sorry for the lack of communication this weekend. I’ve been quite busy at my brothers. How have you been this weekend? Did you have a good Easter? How’s things going?

Yeah ive been trying to focus on the bad parts of Mr. M... saying them over and over so that’s been helping a bit. Still miss him like crazy. I feel like I’m just waiting for him to realize that he’s made a mistake and come back... have to always follow that up with a... he’s not going to do that 😞

J x

[There]

Hey Simon,

Welcome and thanks for posting. It sounds like your in the exact same space as me... sucks doesn’t it?

Do you still have contact with your ex?

How’s Easter been for you?

Yourw welcome to post here as much as you want. We are all here for you and each other.

J x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi, Yes it does ..I don't make contact with her ,when she said she was seeing someone else i stoped all contact ...it grabbed me over Easter , i had been doing so well ...i have bounced back today and i hope i can build on that during the week ...I remember something and start to cry ...and i feel like she is crying as well ...Crazy ...but it feels so real its like we are connected ...again crazy ...thats what happened over Easter ...i would just feel sad and cry and felt she was doing the same ... We both missed out on a great thing ...we just didn't have the tools and the help to break free together ...I hope your day went well and you feel strong ... I just wrote heaps and it would let me post to many characters ...ha ha .... im all out of puff ha ha ... from the words you write in your posts you sound like a lovely person ... thank you ...hope you get a good sleep and tomorrow is kind to you ...Night

[There]

Hey guys... thread has moved again.

Hey Simon,

Sounds like we are in the same spot. Hit me again today. I’m sorry you’re going through this. How has this week been? How do you handle the down times?

I can’t help but think about all the things my ex and I will miss out on or could have been 😞

Hey Rx,

how have you been? Any contact with the ex?

Nikki if you are reading, I hope you are doing well. Hugs to you.

J x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , the thing that helped was to talk ...i found a good psychologist and i still see her and that has helped heaps ...i am lucky i suppose i found a good one ...well it suits me ...I seem to have pulled out of it this week ...im not sure how that happened ... i have been busy at work ... and am remembering the times that didn't work for us ...and i know that would not have changed ...the best i have been is when i eat well , get a good sleep and exercise ... i have been away and had a shoulder injury and have been out of the gym for a few weeks and i feel that would help if i got back into a good exercise routine ...thats works well for me ... its just getting started ...I hope it gets better for you soon ... stay focused look after yourself ..remember you deserve better ...Good Night

[Guest_1584]

Heya j j.

Ahh no worries at all l was hopin it was a good sign when you weren't around for awhile.

l'm sorry you've been thinking about all that , that stuff is so hard l know. lt was our future for me too and what we could've been ," the us" ,what we were and could've been, as compared to anyone else now who would feel so inferior l can't even think about it. But we can't think like that , can we. Who knows maybe it could be even better right, ha, who am l kidding right.

Yep l got a few messages the other day , just light stuff and also thanking me for the email l sent earlier too.

Hope your ok .

rx. 00

[IsaJett]

Hi J

I actually don't miss him. After leaving him...all i felt was sweet sweet relief . After what he had done to me..but granted I feel I too am at fault for allowing it to happen. I mean my actions kind of enabled him to step all over me .I should have just ran for the hills ...but I didn't. Just between you and me J...it was the best thing I did...leaving ...getting out of a toxic relationship .

the minute i left..it was like dumping a sack of potatoes..on the ground ...actually no...make that 3 bags of rotting potatoes. Trust me when I say ...you will look back at this one day and thank your lucky stars.

I am a firm believer in trusting that things happen for a reason.

I am thankful to have loved and lost...then not loved at all. But at the end of the day...if you love something , you set them free. I look at it this way and I feel better about it all. I still care about him and thats ok. I now just focus on loving and caring for myself.

I hope you are coping well but I remember being in a world of pain too ...but it is all temporary . But the key to this all too J ...is that you MUST give yourself permission to be better...dont bog yourself down.

Permission to live again...permission to shine again ...this you owe to yourself and no one else.

try hot Yoga...I did it and I cried in the session...hahaha boy was that a fun exercise.

Stay well and stay in touch ..

I am on this daily ...so post me anytime 🙂

[There]

Hey all,

Hows everyone doin?

I’ve had some pretty crappy days. I just wish I was past all of this. How do you get through it when all I want is for him to show up at my door?

I hate that I’m holding on so tightly. How do you loosen the grip?

J x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , had a not so good day myself today ...i went to work but when ever i could i would cry ...one thing i did notice was that i was grieving ....i went through all the emotions of grieving ...it comes and goes and it gets easier ....and then it jumps back at ya ...Just go with it the best you can ...talk to friends and professions...post ...get it out ...and dont forget the reasons it didn't work him ...I went on a big walk this morning before work and that was good ...Take care.. a big hug to you ...

[There]

Thank you for your words. I’m Not sure where it went wrong or started to not work. He just broke up with me out of the blue (after a week of him making me think it was my baggage with my ex). I just don’t understand and that’s the part I can’t get past. We could’ve worked, he just didn’t want to.

I can’t get past the fact that he thinks what he has with her is better than what he had with me. It’s like I’m holding onto hope that he’ll realize that he’s made a huge mistake. He won’t. He never goes back.

Ugh.

J x