Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[There]

Hey Rx and Rhes,

Rx I can see a pattern happening and I think you know it’s there. Can I ask is that what you really want? I know you’ve said you can think of being with anyone else (I get it) but imagine finding someone that you have majority good times and none of this pattern of every 3/4 weeks you feel like you’re done or she has a blow up. I know you said you’ve been 4 months apart but I mean no contact. So you can both really feel and evaluate what you want in your lives.

Rhes - good luck for the start of your journey today. I really hope you can get on here while you’re over there. Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions. I’ve thought about how he would portray me in his side of things and it’s something I don’t like to think about because I hate the thought of him thinking badly about me. I know what he was like with his ex wife and it wasn’t nice but I don’t think he could do that level on me. I dunno... I don’t know how to get past this pining thing I have for him. I don’t want to meet anyone new just yet and I don’t know how to move forward. I just want him back.

How are you doing?

J x

[Guest_1584]

Hey guys.

Sorry nikki things are hitting the fan right now for you, it's gotta be the worst thing l know and l'm so sorry your dealing with it on top of everything else. ls there anyway to just find some peace with the ex in this and in any contact you guys will have , are you setting each other off in any ways that it'd be possible to tone down and get along better ? l'm not saying there is , just hoping l guess as l wouldn't wish going the courts and custody crap onto anyone . Anyway hang in there , day ata time for now eh and we're here when you need it even if to just go off on a good rant and get it outa your head.

Hey j. Thanks for that , how are u doin ?

Unfortunate that 4mths was pretty well no contact at all anyway you see so yeah, that don't work . It helped some things a bit but here we are anyway yaknow so nah , not much. TBH l'm not really a believer in too much time apart l reckon couples are usually better off being there. A day or two helps though sometimes, yeah , like now l realize l actually said things anyway that would've set her off . It's just not many would respond in the way she does.That's the difference.

But yeah l hear you about not even having to deal with this stuff in somebody else, it's true. The only trouble is l have zero interest , someone else might be easier more peaceful but they just wouldn't have half the good shyt we have or things l love , that's the problem. we're both very unusual people and l rarely have any interest in the norm out there as compared. So l dunno. Buttttt, l doubt we'll work it out , maybe that pattern mellows out in time once she feels secure, or maybe it's there forever and just in her make up , some people just need a good sparring partner every now and then don't they, thrive on a bit of a blue and some action . Sometimes l think she's got some of that too.

Oh well, keep ya posted.

Hope your ok.

rx

[There]

Hey Rx,

oh I see the 4 months was without contact... I’m sorry to hear that. I guess you gotta keep going at it if that’s what you want. At the end of the day be happy with the effort that you’ve put in and work out if you want to go see her. That being said she needs to put effort in too. Like I’ve said before this can’t be all one sided.

Me... well I’m still pretty down. Just missing him and still can’t for the life of me work out why he’d pick her over me or why I wasn’t enough for him. I just want him to come back, I’m miserable and I don’t know how to get past it. I feel like I’m just existing and waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.

J x

[Guest_1584]

Heya J,

l'm sorry your in that funk , we need that pill again yeah . You'd think l'd have something helpful to say seems l've been there with the worst case scenario , marriage and shyt . Don't really wanna go thinking back on all that though but all l can say is you just gotta keep on keeping on and it does help well did me anyways , to not allow yourself too much of the l want it back stuff, well in my sitch anyway well for a start l didn't know if l did anyway but l also knew she wan't gonna wanna try again.

gf , yeahhhh. that's a tough one in one way , to keep going with it hell l've been too pissed to bother last few days but nope l don't think we'll be going any further. We had a bit of a messed up convo yesterday and she has no idea , that's a really big part of her thing. she dosn't see herself or the effect of things she does either, or doesn't wanna know , take your pick which.But instead she has this amazing knack and somehow actually turns it all around somehow , dunno how she does that actually but it;s all your fault and butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Too sick of dealing with it right now but l am missing the good of course like all hell actually and wondering just wtf to do with it.Def no plan to go over like this right now though no way . lf some acknowledgement was coming from her l'd consider it still and l'd know once we're together again things would probably come good but like this and right now , no way l'd try it.

ln all honesty any sane guy would be walking away .

Hope your ok today.

[Guest_1584]

How you doing guys.

Nikki are you ok ? How are you going J.

On my front , well, it's pretty well over , again. l admit l've messed up too but none of it even matters anyway really because at the end of the day , there's just too much crap, too bigger issues. too many of them.

l know it's gonna hit me hard soon but atm l feel like l'm best to just accept things are what they are and there just isn't much l can do about it. ln ways l almost feel relieved tbh so l'm going with that for as long as it lasts right now but l know some rough stuff is coming.

Hope everyones ok.

rx

[IsaJett]

Hey there

having had experienced heartbreak ..full fledged affair ..everything just spins out of control .one thing I can say to hopefully help ...as someone said to me ...you will be in a better place ..might not feel like it now ...but you must trudge forward to the future now ...not easy .but you need to be kind to yourself especially . I know I was very harsh on myself which was the worst thing for me ...I learnt to be kind to myself and it helped tremendously.

I hope it helps you .

Stay strong sweetie. Keep it simple and take one step at a time

[There]

Hey guys,

Im so sorry to hear that Rx. At least you’re not in a limbo type situation anymore. You be strong and this is gunna suck big time. We are here for you. Anything you need. You know what to do, do small things for yourself and keep busy.

Me, I’m home with family for Easter but can’t help but think what it would’ve be like if he was here. Interacting with my family. He only got to meet them a few times. I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex husband too lately which has been hard. Just don’t understand how Mr. M can be like this.

Stay strong.

How are you Nikki?

J x

[There]

I miss him 😞 how do you get past this?

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a lot for the nice words J , and l'm relieved to hear from ya.

How , oh God , l wish l knew the secret. Mine's starting to hit too. l'm sorry about the time with family thing that stuffs just so hard and these are the sorta times it all hits ya.

l've been thinking about ex w too so l really hear you , something my daughter said yesterday. lsabel had some good thoughts there j , being good to ourselves, some good old spoiling hey.

l've been buying myself treats this last few wks, things l;ve wanted but just never get around to getting and l must admit it's put some smiles on my face . Time time time , and a little bit of time as well .

l'm sorry it's all hitting you again j girl , lots of huggems.

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , have been reading your thread and it has helped in knowing your not the only one with those feelings ..the support and friends we make on hear are priceless ...I have had a a hard Easter and it came on all of a sudden ...i re live the other guy she is with doing the same things that we did and it kills ...as i get those thoughts i also get thoughts that i wouldn't be happy with her ...i see the times that didn't work , i see the reasons that she was not right for me ....and that helps ... But But But ...all those good times .....its just Crazy ...I feel sometimes that i connect with her and that she wants me as much as i want her and that is also crazy ....or is it ?? Ive never been so in love with one person and i still cry at how unfair it has been for us ...it could have worked with some work....we both missed out .... Im not sure how you get passed it ...I have often thought meeting someone else would do the trick ..then the old trust thing pops up ...i didn't think of that at all when we meet i just fell in head over heals ....not sure about that next time ... the time will be right again ...it will come around ...Love will show its self again ...wont that be a good day .. thank you for reading and letting me express ... xx