Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[Guest_1584]

Ahh J j ,

l'm sorry your struggling with it again, it's like waves isn't it.

Look it could be any of 50 things , one you can't see as a women or something in his head , we think this but they think that , people often keep things to themselves they're having trouble with until pop , it's not you it's him in that case and you just can't know unless he comes and tells ya if he didn't back when.. You gotta stop putting yourself through it.

Anyway, my end , we're still talking , but l'm starting to feel a bit confused about it all and hearing you say , sorry , but he never goes back , with all our obstacles , maybe l should be dropping it and doing the same . Just dunno , if only we could get simple time together in person like normal couples , without having to go cross the world to fix this , that'd be a nice start.

When we were split after a few mths l started clearing my head and even seeing a few women around that sorta got me thinking about forward not back. Simplest thing would've been to just keep going forward l admit , but they wouldn't be us. That's the thing.

Anyway Try to stop looking back now , if ya can , l know it's hard.

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi All ,

Hope you all have a nice weekend ...stay busy and be kind to your self

[There]

Hey Rx,

Sorry I haven’t been on much lately. Guess I’ve been pushing everything down and not caring to deal with it. Exhausted really.

How are things with you? Any more movement in either direction on your side of things?

Me... same old story. I feel like I’ve reverted to a train of thinking that he’s going to realize I’m better, realize we are better and come back. I don’t see it ending any other way and I’m not sure how to break that?

hows things with you Simon?

Hope everyone is staying as positive as they can.

J x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya Jj , but oh shyt no problemo you just do whatever you need to do .

But that's weird the way you said you just can't see it any other way . lf l can't see something any other way say in that case scenario that would mean he is coming back butttt, don't wanna get your hopes up ok and there is a big but in that. lt does depend on whether that feeling is coming from deep inside or whether it's just like a kidding ourselevs wishful type. That's where the difference is so don't get your hopes up if it;s the latter .

Either way though l'm really sorry it's all hitting so heavily lately , no easy way unfortunately and no wise words l can say , damn it. just treat yourself good and spoil j heaps and go easy on you. And yeah maybe the keeping busy thing l dunno , that didn't work for me just put me under more strain but it seems to for some.

Mine ahhhh, alas , tis no good. Basically we're both just too tired of it all to over come what needs to be done from here to make it work , especially her. She's had a huge 18mths , sold up everything and moved across teh country and now she's just moved again , she's exhausted.

And now she won't be able to move back here for a fair while now anyway and l can't move over there soooo, sadly there's not much we can do . Sooo, l'm back to joining you guys l'm afraid.

You take it easy eh and don't forget to spoil j .

Nikki if you come through for a read l hope your ok .

rx

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , Yes seem to be going along okay ...I know that thinking.. how could it be better than what we had ... they will have to come back ...just go with it let all those thoughts sit and just go about your day ....its tough ...Are you seeing a physiologist ??...im sure you know that you can get some free sessions from medicare ...do that through your GP ... if you can find one that you click with i recon you will get a lot from that ... if you go down that road its you taking charge...I found it difficult but once i got started i saw a change and thats what you want ...not to get stuck ...and they have tissues ...Hope your week goes well .. 🙂 🙂

[IsaJett]

Hi J

the way I let go was when the pain was way too much for me to hang on...it just got too hot in the kitchen and I walked out...you just do it...it feels impossible ...but it is doable ...trust me the minute you do it...u will wonder why you didn't do it a lot sooner. I remember thinking how am I gonna get through this...but I promise you ...I am in such a great place now...I rather be single than be in a toxic relationship.

You can only control yourself...what the other person does or doesn't do is out of your control.

Take care of yourself most importantly and trust me honey you will love again...you will feel again.

And you will be ok 🙂

[There]

Thanks Rx for your words.

Lately I feel like it’s all getting a bit heavy. The littlest thing will make me cry. I’m fighting the thought that I have depression because I don’t want it, I don’t want to go on medication. I putting everything down to the break up and me just feeling down because he’s not here. He left me when I needed him most and I am so dissapiinted in the person he is. I think like that and all I want is for him to make things right. I dunno it’s all crappy.

His sister contacted me yesterday. Said if I was over her way anytime she’d love to see me. She’s very picky about who she likes and I didn’t realize she liked me that much. She wouldn’t be doing it because he’s asked her and she wouldn’t report back to him. Don’t know how I’d feel seeing her. I really love her and her husband they are so lovely.

Im so sorry to hear about your situation. How’s things going with you?

Thanks Simon, I do see a shrink. She’s the one I had interstate although I haven’t found one I like here yet. Makes it a bit hard and she’s a bit of a man hater. She thinks my ex is a narcissist and I tend to just think he’s pretty selfish but he would like to think he’s the most giving person. How’s things with you?

Nikki if you’re reading I hope all is going the best it can for you xx

thanks for your words Isabel. Much appreciated. I’m not sure how to let go.

J x

[Rhes]

Hi J and hi to everyone on the thread. Just popping in to post from overseas, it’s a bit difficult with time and weird wifi etc. Wanted to say that I’m meeting so many people going through various breakups and difficulties in their lives that have decided to take their minds off it through travel. It works to a certain point but I figure there’s still residual stuff we have to deal with when we stop travelling. The best thing is just meeting these lovely people who are doing their best to find calm and happiness again - just like all of you on here. Good people get connected in a good way 🙂

Thoughts and love to you J and everyone

[awrinkle_in_time]

hi J , hope your doing well ..

[There]

Hey Simon,

I’m doing ok I guess. I’ve been having some down moments lately. Some real why did he choose her and they are happy moments which makes me feel so crappy. It’ll be 6 months tomorrow. I feel like I should be further along than I am.

How are you doing?

J x