Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

Hanna3 · ‎23-12-2019

Hi all, apart from here and a brief visit to church last night (to make it feel Christmassy and to just be with people) I've had day after day for weeks now with nobody at all to talk to. This time of year especially it's really depressing. Old friends that live far away are gradually losing contact with me - I ring them but they don't ring me. I understand they're busy with their live elsewhere but still it's hard when you're lonely. I'm going to a Christmas Eve service at the local church tomorrow night to at least be with people for a little while... but otherwise all day I'm alone, just me and the dog. Sometimes I strike up a conversation on BB but then the other person disappears and that's the end of that...

How are people meant to cope with prolonged periods of social isolation? I read, I watch DVDs, normally I'd go for long walks with the dog but thick smoke from bushfires and intense hot weather have stopped that. I go to a café alone sometimes. Any ideas/help?

Doolhof · ‎26-12-2019

Hi Hanna3, Paw Print, Geoff and all reading,

We moved to a small town from the city a few years ago. It has taken a while to feel like this is home for me. I've had a variety of Volunteering positions, it certainly can be rewarding.

Some organisations actually pay for the Police Clearance to be done. Depending on the state you live in, rules can be different.

There are some homes for the elderly that welcome dogs onto the premises to visit with people.

A few places do close down over the festive season, hopefully you can find people around you can chat with. Is it possible to post a notice at the shopping centre to see if people want to go out for early morning walks before it gets too hot, even if you suggest once a week?

Some places like libraries invite people in when it is really hot, you might be able to connect with other people in places of refuge or even at a bench in a shopping centre.

Chatting here does help as well. There is a social section to the forum where you might like to join in with different conversations and interests ranging from home improvements to favourite books and much more.

All the best,

cheers from Dools

Hanna3 · ‎26-12-2019

Hi PawPrints/Geoff,

I typed a long reply this morning but for some reason it hasn't come through.

Sam has bad separation anxiety - he used to be fine but when we were in between rentals we were taken in by my doctor's secretary's family (would you believe) and the husband turned out to be abusive and violent and we had to flee as I was in fear of my safety and of Sam's. We were homeless after that and ended up on the north coast where after a year we got into public housing, but a tiny flat and some of the male residents were druggies/out of prison and gave me hell. So we transferred to here for cooler weather but turns out the summers now are in the mid40s.

After staying with the violent family Sam developed terrible separation anxiety. He's never recovered. I don't know what the man did to him when I had to go out. So I'm pretty stuck as I still have not been able to settle him down again. When we came to check out the house here it was winter and snowing and Sam loved the cold he ran around and seemed happy. Now we see it's very busy traffic and a bit overwhelming after the quiet coastal town I lived in. Getting out with Sam was easier there because the cafes were outdoors and dog friendly, but here they are not. The heat and fires have added to the difficulty lots of days we've been unable to go out at all due to smoke and heat and we have no aircon in a fibro house it's very hot.

Anyway the move has been too much for him, he won't walk down many streets, it took ages to get him to cross a street to get to a take away coffee place opposite the park, I have had to lure him into the car with a treat as he doesn't even want to get in the car. Tried to walk him last night, he gets a little way down a street then stops and won't go on, he wants to turn around and go back to the car.

If it was less hot/smoky we could find some walks but we are really limited for the summer. I don't know what to do about Sam's anxiety, last night he just sat down again and wouldn't walk more than a few metres. I am alone because I can't take him with me to a café like I used to. Left alone he barks constantly. I'm thinking of getting a rescue kitten if this might help him once they bond?

Thanks so much for reading this! Do you have friends in the small town where you live? It sounds nice I can understand wanting to live somewhere quiet.

So yes I'm housebound due to weather and Sam's anxiety. Any ideas???

Hanna3 · ‎26-12-2019

I typed another reply it doesn't seem to have come through yet... don't know what's wrong...

Hanna3 · ‎26-12-2019

Oh how funny I've had an email saying my reply has to go to the moderators and recommending all sorts of places I should go for help and I've realised the computer has picked up words I've used about my dog and thinks it's about me! That's why my first reply hasn't come through. Anyway I typed another one which has gone up OK.

Paw Prints · ‎26-12-2019

Hi Hanna3,

It's not unusual for some posts to take a while to come through, especially longer ones.

Please don't get Sam a companion in an attempt to help his separation anxiety, bringing a new animal into the home can often make things worse.

Him not wanting to go on walks may be an escalation of his separation anxiety or it could be something different such as;

He may be in pain
It may simply be to hot/smokey
He may be picking up on your stress. Dogs look to us to be the confident, has everything under control ones. They are very good at reading us & our moods. If he thinks your not 100% confident or if you fuss when he baulks he won't want to try new things/places
It may be cooler, but the ground/road may still be too hot.
Past experiences after previous moves

Remember everything has changed for both of you, old routines are gone, it will take sometime for him to settle. "Now we see it's very busy traffic and a bit overwhelming after the quiet coastal town " It will be just as overwhelming for him until he gets used to it. I found moving here triggered stress behaviours from my woofa, it took time for him not to be scared silly by the Kookaburra calls, the kangaroo's, the neighbours cows, the farm sounds.

Separation anxiety can be treated but it does take consistent/patient work. How intense is his anxiety? Does Sam follow you every where you move in the house? Does he get distressed if you go into a room & shut the door keeping him out? Will he eat if you are not in the room? Does he destroy things or soil in the house if you go out & leave him home? Have you tried any behaviour modification training before?

Paws

Hanna3 · ‎26-12-2019

Hi Paws, thanks so much for stopping by and helping out. Yes I realize it's been overwhelming for Sam. We've been here 3 months now. At the moment he's lying on the kitchen floor while I am in the loungeroom down the hall, but other times he does follow me from room to room. He's fine with being outside in the back yard with me out of sight inside the house, so that's good. I've tried leaving him for 5 minutes, then 15 minutes, by taking the car out and around the block and then listening before I drive back in, and he's been barking non-stop, very anxious when I come back inside.

He doesn't destroy anything or lose bowel control or anything, just has his nose by the front door waiting and extremely anxious, frantically jumping at me when I come back in the door. He's on a herbal tranquilliser already.

He likes the park. When I realised he was scared walking along the street, I managed to get him across the road from the park to the take away coffee place, and the girls there loved him and gave him pats and treats and after that he associated it with positive things (pats and treats) and is happy to go there now. Then I tried another outdoor café further down the same street - no good. I got him there by offering bits of Schmako as he walked down, then giving him a liver treat when we got to the café and sat down, so he's OK there now because again, it has positive associations (treats).

Walking around the streets for an outing/exercise just isn't working. I'm going to try tonight a street that is flat and I think will be shady, and has a path that shouldn't be too hot. I'm thinking to take some treats in my pocket and give them little bits to entice him along?

What do you think about taking treats with me for a walk? I guess I can see how it goes tonight. We're heading into another severe heatwave so walks will probably not be easy for the next few days.

He was fine when we stayed at my friend's house and was happy in her garden while I was inside her house.

Thanks so much for the help! I really appreciate it.

I'm careful not to force him once he won't go. I'm also aware of the ground being hot so am careful to feel it myself first and I don't walk him on roads etc if it's been a really hot day, just the park in that case so he's on grass.

I guess he's really confused at the different surroundings, smells, climate, it's all changed for him.

Hanna3 · ‎26-12-2019

I took Sam out to the park early as it's reached 37 here this afternoon so too hot for much of a walk - but I took some liver treats and we went down two side streets near the park he has refused to walk down before and with a small treat every so often and heaps of praise he walked around them pretty well. So maybe that is the way to go to get him walking around strange places.

Paw Prints · ‎26-12-2019

Hi Hanna3,

You beat me to a reply, yes I think treats & praise are usually a winning combination.

Just a some thoughts with the separation anxiety, have you tried the adaptil range of products? They release pheromones similiar to those produced by the mother dogs to settle their puppies. They don't work for every dog, but I know quite a few Dane owners have had success using the diffusers in conjunction with other strategies.

Also what strategies do you use to try to make the time your away from Sam enjoyable for him? No good me suggesting things if you've already doing them 😊

Paws

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎26-12-2019

Hi Hanna

Sounds like you're doing all the right things with Sam, so that's great. Unfortunately lots of dogs experience separation anxiety and I don't know of anything that helps, apart from meds, and as you've said, Sam is already on a herbal one. I was thinking perhaps a thunder wrap or whatever they are called, but given the hot weather I don't think that's appropriate either. I know you're on a pension so funds will be limited too, otherwise a dog sitter or doggy daycare if you have one might be something you could consider occasionally. Poor you. Poor Sam. A tricky situation. But still, so wonderful that you have each other. I wouldn't be without my Stormy.

Sending you both lots of good thoughts, that things will improve for you in the new year x

Hanna3 · ‎26-12-2019

Hi Paws, all I've done when going out is to hide a few treats around the house so he sniffs around to find them as I am leaving. Unfortunately I can't leave him with a bone or anything like that due to his liver problems. I leave the television going softly so there is some noise. I honestly haven't thought of anything else. All ideas welcome!!!