Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Sending you gentle hugs lass. Hope you are feeling brighter today.

Love

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paw 🐾 and everyone...🤗..

Im feeling much better today thank you...I think I have a good immune system...Not usually stomach sick much...

”S” rand me and is going to pick me up for meditation...this is a special one with only 6 attending..S, plus newer ww worker, inmate, another participant..I don’t know and S’s mother..I don’t know..Hopefully I’m not to anxious to enjoy it......looking forward to it..

It was so nice to have a cuppa tea ready when I woke up..thank you..and the hugs really started my day off good..thank you for the hugs beautiful people....

My Dr..has made a phone appointment with me this afternoon...again..I disclosed a bit to much information on how I was managing myself...I have my flue shot on Wednesday afternoon along with bloods for my thyroid...

I’ll let you know how the meditation goes..but for now, I need to get out of my pyjamas and get ready....or maybe I can go in my comfy pyjamas..😂..

Deep SSS love and care bbff...💜🦋🧸🤗🌹🕊🌱..

My love, care and hugs to everyone....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗 hugs..

S..picked me up around 1pm...when we got their I was a little fidgety, shaky, but still okay....Getting to the door, it’s shoes off...before we go inside...The floor is Lino and freezing..I’m sitting on my chair and trying to keep my feet from touching the cold floor...S moved a mat across to put our feet on..hers was cold as well...the others had socks on...

We started with a full body scan...I’m not good at that, but I tried my best....I couldn’t keep my eyes closed because I had a feeling everyone was looking at me....Then we done imaginary meditation...eyes closed again..can’t do it..in company..I spied a daddy long leg spider and focused on it, as I was listening to the instructor The last meditation was kindness...towards ourselves, family,friends and everyone..

After we finished the instructor wanted to give me a book and CD on meditation, so we followed her into another room...Their was this cat, sitting on the table...he came over to me ..and I patted him, and he thanked me...I kept patting and talking to him until time to leave, I’m so comfortable with animals...Kitty didn’t want me to go..we had to and kitty followed us to the car...

It was different..I liked it..and I’ll give it ago again next Monday...My mind kept wandering away from her words, I have to try to stop my mind from wandering so much all the time...It’s hard to do...

I can’t stop yawning 😵..I think a cuppa tea, then bed sleep..takes so much mental energy to go out for a couple of hours...

Bbff...Love you heaps...🧸🤗...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.. pubaok, yadimh always...with care and kindness..💚💙..

My love, care and hugs everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱...🦄👼...🍫💭

[demonblaster]

Hiya brave beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and to everyone too hiyaz 😊

Wow how cool you did it Grandy I'm so happy for you dear darling.

That's ok honeyheart when you're comfy to close your eyes if not I'm sure that's ok too.

Yes I imagine it would take tremendous mind power and energy getting through outings and the ultimate bonus you want to go again. Loven it Grandy 🤗🤝

So mental note take socks yikes. Good ss put the mat under, that would have been a distraction I imagine too.

Ohh da puddy tat there how gorgeous and you patting it. I love too but scared they might scratch. It sounds lovely

It is hard to focus but I imagine in time that'll become easier. Like everything practice builds our abilities.

Hopefully tonight will be a good solid sleep huns.

Grandy I did a virtual walk on the beach with you the other day. Have at times.

That's really good you're feeling better darl. Sounded pretty grim.

You're very welcome for the tea. You look after everyone and me so well I like to return the goodness.

I saw your walk on Shellys walking thread it sounded really nice but wow a workout and a half too 😆 ohh you poor love slipping hope it didn't aggravate your hip/groin.

Ok beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 4evs.

Love you very much Grandy. So beautiful having someone like you so caring comforting and loving as a bbff 🤗

PubAok lysvm sss yAdimh dear friend.

✨🎄🍫🍎💃😍😙🤝🗯⚘

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Yay! I'm so pleased for you that you liked it & want to go again. Though it sounds like thick woolly socks are a must for next time. I think it's natural your mind will wander until you've had more practice at meditation, I'm sure mine would.

How did your furs react when you came home smelling of puddy cat? Woofa knows when I've been patting strange dogs & I get the intense sniff treatment when I get home & then he keeps shoving his nose into each item of clothes as I try to change into something comfy.

Sweet dreams lass

Paws

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),

It sounds like your meditation went very well. I’m happy you’re doing so much work on yourself, and it sounds like you have quite the MH team around you.

I’m happy that you have found a safe space here, & I know so many of your beautiful friends are here for you.

Maybe the focus will come in good time. Perhaps the meditation will help...all in good time, lovely one.

Gifting you some fresh raspberry and white chocolate muffins...

Hugs & much love,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, Peppy and everyone..🤗..

Thank you so much for being happy for me with the meditation....

Paws..my furs gave me a very good investigation with their noses.😂..We have a lot of feral cats out here, which my furs don’t really like and let everyone in the neighbourhood know they are around😂😂..I will say I bribed them a little with some treats...

Peppy...Love fresh raspberries and white chocolate muffins...I had a feast on them tonight...My mh supporter is such a beautiful person...and I can feel her care is genuine and not just her doing her job....I am very lucky to have her..

Deebi...I seen around 4 cats in the monestry..all beautiful and peaceful...They one that came to me was such a gentle kitty...I was sad to leave him...

I love virtual walks they do help in getting out of our heads sometimes...Most of the sleep stories I listen to before sleep are walks in a forest, beach, the clouds..makes for good peaceful sleeping most nights...The person I listen to “Dan Jones”..is a hypnotist, Mental Heath talker, teachers self hypnosis...but I haven’t gone that far as yet...Good to try different things to help ourselves..we have only ourselves to really help us...Our meds and supporters are good, but can only help so much..then it’s up to us to do any and everything we can to help ourselves...Just my thoughts..

I don’t like going out alone..especially to the shops or busy areas, I have so much trouble managing my emotions that I get so physically and mentally exhausted ...when I’m with someone I trust I’m much better..and can relax enough to like being out sometimes..

Good night bbff and all you beautiful people..Sleep good and restful..

Love to you my bbff...SSS..pubaok..yadimh forever..and my 💭...💜🦋🌹🧸🤗🕊🌱..

My care, love and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼..🕊🌱..

[demonblaster]

Beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Cats are so beautiful. I remember being scratched when a child might be why I'm wary. All about trust isn't it. It'll be lovely to see that sweety one next Monday. Ahh Grandy I'm so happy for you 🤗

Also thrilled you have your lovely mh worker back she sounds really nice. You deserve nice people cari g about you. Please thank her for looking after our precious Grandy 💜

I like doing virtuals and feel it's kinda like meditation. I so want to walk again and so took you with me along the beach. Was thinking to go today but as dear Mr Deebi 😍 mentioned it was raining. Maybe within the next couple of days. We can take you with us if you'd like sweetyheart.

I'm glad you have the sleep stories they seem to ease you into good sleep. Great idea aren't they.

In time Grandy is quite ok. When you've had regular outs I believe a time will come for you that you're up to going out alone? No hurry sweet. Babysteps is awesome. So good you're ok with someone you trust. Big forward steps huns.

Agree hun ultimately it is down to us to put it all into action. I think we need the guidance and teaching which is fantastic support that we need but as mentioned I'm with you it's us that can get it happening.

It's crazy isn't it we want to be happy and free of pain & memories etc but a part of us keeps us there but as we're learning we can change our way of coping and thinking. It's worth the effort for sure. Grandy you're doing incredibly well honey. Keep with it beautiful so rapt for you.

Posted earlier in day lovey at mine it's coming hopefully.

Love you heaps sweetyheart. Please be well and don't ever change except for being happier and confident that you're gaining.

Nigh nite lovey all of you 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🚜😴✨😍🎄😚🍫🍎

[demonblaster]

Hi sweetyheart I wasn't sure (memory) wether it was yesterday that you had the holter monitor and ? Thyroid noddy test.

If it was I hope it all went smoothly for you sweets. Good you got to have an out even though Dr's still away in the outside for a change of scenery that's if it was on Weds.

Otherwise beautiful lady just wondering how you are and what you up to dear friend.

You know you're in my thoughts from dusk till sleepy time darling friend.

Hope todays brisk like you like it and sunny precious love.

Always with you in spirit sss bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 love and eternal friendship gorgeous.

Hope your days really happy Grandy. Cuddles to our gorgeous furs.

✨😚😍🍫🚜🤗🍎👠💃

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all...

I hope you’re doing good...bbff...

No..the halter monitor not till July..Yesterday I had the flu shot..ouchy ...It was a strange set up..Not allowed into the clinic..even though I had a normal temperature...They set up the flu shots in the carpark...They were dressed in white gowns, face masks, gloves, hair nets etc...a bit confronting in a way.......I had to wait 20 minutes after I got it..sitting on a chair with no cover from the cold wind, in the carpark...no cars were even allowed into the carpark, so I couldn’t even sit in their for 20 minutes....anyway..it’s over with for another year...I got really tired and went to bed really early...

I’m feeling goodish today..Got up around 4.30am....it’s raining a bit here on and off...not enough to get any water😒..that’s okay..maybe next time..

WW wants to take me for a coffee in the small town next to mine..they have no shop, only a coffee van...I really am not in the right brain to go their today..It’s cold wet and just yucky to be outside today...I think I’ll decline, plus I don’t have cash at home...plus rego is in 2 weeks...

Not sure what I’ll do today...if I do, do something, I really should though..this sitting/laying around daily is not a way to live...it’s only existing...I really am lost when it comes to keeping occupied...Nothing holds my interest...except internet games, which seems to be a really big problematic habit for me...waking up and starting to play them until night....I need to stop doing this..it takes my negative thoughts away..but I’m not using my brain, it will end up full of cobwebs🙄🕸..probably all ready is...

Deep love Deebi...and thoughts 💭 always...pubaok..yadimh 4eva....precious bbff..💙🍫🌹🦋🧸🤗💚🚜..

Much love, care, and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱..🦄👼..