Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 and lovelies out there 😊

Always so good seeing you precious hope you're holding ok darl 🤗 not easy at times but I do think you're having more up days than before which is Gold and shows you have the goods which we know

Ah July yip I remember now.
Wow they're being ultra careful which is good. Has to be but I can imagine it all being quite daunting.
Is that usual to feel so tired like that after it.
I'm glad you slept well but not if it's so strong to do that geesh.

Oh Grandy you're going to get your cool on the face..mm 🤔 must relieve a sheep 🦁..oop 🐑of some of their wool ✂️ and knit some ugg boots for my bbff...might take more than a full 2 seconds...I'll have to find 🔎 time 🕣

So my gorgeous one, things not great but you're holding you dear love by the sounds. It's such a battle isn't it. [ IT's ] xx relentless and the secret is we have to be just as stubborn. Maybe we're in sync I was feeling a bit average today too. A sleep helped.

Grandz I feel you're talking a lot of sense with the internet games.
They're great fun and everything you said pro/con them I agree.
I'd like to add honey that there's a great deal of cognitive positives too.
• Hand eye co-ordination
• Observation
• Immediate action
• Impulse control
• Figuring out how
• Skills developed
• Perseverance
• Achievement etc...

I love that it blocks pain honey. You've found a way to cope and keep beasty brat a bay for a while.
The hard parts meeting beasty head on is best in baby steps as we know.
Grandy imo your wise to what needs to be done. There's SO much deep set pain darling wayy too much to take on at once. You're doing fine it's not like you're not still working on getting through it all.
I'm sure a psych would disagree but I think just do what you're doing.
It's also filling a void darling Grandy. Loneliness is a terribly cruel way to be feeling. I'm excited that this ww is slowly getting you connected. Stoked the new girl at work too seems sweet.

I do get nothing holding your interest. I admire that you you try and do things hey good on you about the shading. Yes I've looked at shading at times true it's flat without. Kinda 1 Dimensional.

Oh thank you darlin that sounds a beautiful meal. What flavours do you put in?

Oh Grandy you're so important and I know not just to me.
Love and care so much about you.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝😍🐑🦄

[demonblaster]

Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies hiyaz 😊

Hey beautiful just happened to be going for a vrroom 💨 💨💨 (so 😂 that Grandy love) and happened to go Left ⬅️ Right ➡️Right 🚥 Left ⬅️screech 💨💨💨 oop took the wrong turn meant to go ↗️ thatta way then over the hill...so quickly in one foul swoop jumped into your super dooper ultra state of the art turbo Tina 🚜 to do some 4 wheel driving..vroom vroom ...starrrt your engines... oh my 😲 it is steep ...thank goodness you installed the roll cage and no one was looking 😶 I just did a 360 ° but no no I'm fine I wore your beany that transforms into rubber when needed..so I boinged boinged 🎠 a bit further then came across a huge creek 💧⛅.. by gum Tina you need to go into 🦆 duck mode...thatta girl even Tina puffed before 💨...so after we wobbled 💃over several stray massive crikey 🤤 tree trunks 🎋...ok ok ...they were small sticks on a second looksy.. that I had to get out and remove ⛏ 🤺 and boyo was I grateful I had my 1 weetbix 🎄 for brekky that I could use a bit of muscle 🏋️‍♂️ on picking them up ...more puffing mind you...then gee there was the mud track Grandy now that was tricky but I managed to get down the sheer cliff sideways 😲 wow you must've just installed that side ride feature 🚀phew so who'd guess after I zooomed through a tsunami ..rode the waves like a true pro 🚣‍♀️ tho was a tad awkward when I found a leak in the canoe but no probs I just put Tina on top of the leak 🚿 so after we landed 🛫 from being airborn🚀...mmm wears a parachute when you need one 💼 anyhooo so I hobbled 🏃‍♀️over the snow barefoot cause I lost my 👠 ...climbed the huge gorgeous gum 🌴 tree and too my surprise 😲 there you were sitting on the balcony watching the beautiful 🕊🐧🐣🐪 birdies and enjoying a lovely hot cuppa tea 🍷🍨 and cream free but tastes like it frappe.

Hey gorgeous you ok honeyheart 🤗

I know we're not to pressure anyone to post but I thought what about just an ever so gentle nudge even just an emojis enough gorgeous.

Love you lady SO much. You're precious dear friend. Couldn't bear 🐻 being without you 🤗☺😚

Be well beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🕊🐧💼🍨🚣‍♀️🐣🚿

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

Oh Deebi...Thank you so very much for the 😂😂 you gave me today...I so much needed it...💙..

Your list on internet games is so true..We do need some types of skills to do them😁..Idk...It seems to me that is all I’m living for and I don’t like me very much because I can’t get myself motivated to do anything else..😠..

S has booked us into meditation again on Monday..it’s the same support group each Monday....WW has booked the same group of 5 participants to be a weekly group for a while...looking forward to seeing little kitty kat again..more then the actual meditation class..😁..

Big bear hug 🧸🤗...bbff...Love you sss...Yadimh...lysvm. wouldn’t it be so beautiful if we could feel them for real..💙🍫💚...

Sending my love, care, and hugs to everyone...💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱...🦄👼

[demonblaster]

Thought you might have needed some Zany honeyheart. So glad you got happies 😀

Ahh darlin 🤗 I think you automatically think the worst of yourself because in your childhood then marriage and elsewhere you've not been given reason to see the good in yourself 😠 How wrong people can be! Holds back naughty words (face nearly explodes)

Grandy I think about you I couldn't tell you how often daily dear friend. Something you may find I hope helpful is everytime you challenge a negative thought so often bred from horrid people you're winning not them.

They put you down and conditioned you to think you're inferior. They were wrong! very wrong and clearly to treat a child and adult like that they must've had something not right upstairs.

So here's another way to think about not being interested in things.

• Not your choice
• You want to have interests
• You would if you could

• There's reason/s for not being able to...yet (when you heal more I think you'll find many positive changes)

So beautiful lady I guarantee you don't think less of me because I can't get on doing things even though I want to or Paws or anyone.
But you're down on yourself 🤗

Sweetyheart it's ok, it's one of our many tangles that will take time to change.
I often think about dear Paws 5 min doing things.

Bottom line honey it's ok. Please don't listen to ugly horrid pathetic beasty you're way better than that.

Darls what you have to live for is H*O*P*E* that it won't be like this always.
One day Grandy here may change their rules and we could all meet up in rl.

I love that 5 others will be regular at the meditation.

Grandy it all takes time sweetyheart which is so daunting and frustrating but keep in mind lovey you've made incredible progress and that'll keep going.
Oh darl believe me I do get it but try really hard not to focus too much on the negatives.

My heart truly goes out to you.
Seriously no need to reply to this and thanks for replying gorgeous I was getting concerned.

Hey it's all possible I've been drawing again. Unsure if BP don't think so but ?

Deep love always bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 Always close by 👀🤝

Your 🐴 cows will be back soon.

I'll zip around with Mr 😍 and we can all watch the ✨ have a 🍷and hear the birdies 🕊 together. I think of you when I see stars and hear birdies ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝✨🦋🌱🍷⚘

Grandy U R SO deeply loved 🤗😚

🦋

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy, DB and All Reading,

It has been a long time since I have dropped by here. I will admit I've only had a brief read of what has been happening here.

Grandy you mentioned playing games and how you are feeling you should be doing something else. Maybe for now, keeping your mind occupied with the games is better than having nothing to do and allowing your mind to wander to dark places...as mine does when not engaged in something.

I'm trying to make a list of alternative things I can do. Maybe you could enjoy the games for say 3 hours, then go and look out the window, write a poem or short story, draw a picture, look in a magazine, or anything else you can think of.

You mentioned the worker suggested a coffee. Do you have a thermos? I often take a thermos of coffee and my own lunch and ask my friend if she would like to do the same. Sitting in the car would keep you both warm and you could park where you can see activity or a nice scene.

It is not always easy to think of alternatives or to find motivation! Hope you are able to think of these things and see what you come up with. Putting them into action can take a bit of effort as well as I know from experience!

Cheers to you from Dools

[smallwolf]

Hiya... After I read the post from Dools it sparked something in my mind from the last session I had with my psychologist. I had been talking about the difficulties I had/have working from home. That and the lack of joy I have in the things I am doing. So she pulled out (well that was the intention) the list of 300+ activities I could do that might help me. The problem was she did not have that sheet with her and had to be emailed to me the next day.. The link is here if you want to look...

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental%20Health%20Professionals/Depression/Depression%2...

The other thing I have started for myself is a list of inspirational quotes. Have been doing for about a week and a bit has been helpful to me. My list is in my notebook on my phone so I can read it whenever I want. Every time I add other notes that list is visible. Almost a constant reminder. Something to think about?

Every day is a new day of possibilities.

Tim

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Dools, Tim...and everyone..🤗..

Thank you all for your caring posts..I really deeply appreciate you all..

Tim..thank you I will have a look at the link you gave me..I do have a journal of inspirational quotes, I started a few years ago with some poems that our caring Tony wk wrote at times for me...and continued on with quotes...all hand written into my journal...

Mrs Dools...Thank you for your visit..it means so much to me, especially as I know how hard you are struggling so much right now.....playing games does take my mind of my dark thoughts..Yet while I’m playing them..Niggly little thoughts pop up and starts off my tears...because I feel so hopeless at being unable to be of use to anyone any more.I have been listening to you, and your lovely supporters, you done so well yesterday..you are always such a beautiful inspiration...

Deebi....I would never think that about you or anyone else ever...I try hard to like me but it’s hard to sometimes..especially when I do nothing productive..I have been telling myself now for a week, I need to shower and wash my hair..for some reason I’m to scared to do so...I don’t know why...Or what has caused this...I know I my thoughts are silly..but can’t get over it enough to shower, and I’m supposed to go to meditation tomorrow...I only wanted to see the kitty again..not wanting to go to the class at all....I can’t close my eyes it’s scary...Like someone is going to grab me..or scare me, or is standing behind watching me, watching me and every single noise I jump up...not being able to see what the others are doing..

I don’t know....a lot of the time I’m fine..then some silly little thing will pop into my head..to destroy my okayness..

I am okay though..having more of a whinge then anything else..I’ll work me out to get me past this eventually...

Tomorrow is another day..to try again..

Special sss Love Deebi and 🧸🤗..💙💭..bbff..

My love, care, and gentle hugs. Tim, Mrs Dools and everyone ..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hi Doolsy Wolfy great seeing you both ☺ Hey everyone 💗

Hey my/our beautiful friend. You're doing it hard atm 🤗 ohh darlin it's awful knowing you're so down you dear love.
Please keep talking though when you're up to lovey.
I'm meaning that out of caring and loving you beautiful soul 😚

Grandz I wonder if when you were managing the nasty thoughts and memories that you were in mania fairly recently.
I go through that too and exactly same was hacking them and now you're on your way down? Too much fun eh 🙁

I can relate strongly you feeling so down about yourself which is a classic beasty brat! trait.
Up to you sweetylove if you feel like replying. Wondering do you feel as down on yourself out of BP?
I do/n't in " normal times ". It's like I can get by with dislikes but they're not in my face until BP. Sorry love I know this is yours just thinking it might be easier to answer if you want to with something said on the subject.

You poor love feeling that way about showering 🤗
I think honey but it's up to you leave it till you feel ok to wash your hair.
Beasty plays hard and finds anyways to try to break us.
Ahh Grandz so much to deal with 🤗
In my hardest times honey I started to learn to keep in mind it'll pass which it did... eventually.

It sounds insane saying feel it because that's what's causing the terrible pain. Then work the mind to think of anything else.
As dear Starwolf 🤗💗 said...she'd look around and think about what she was looking at.
It's a break and does lessen the nags.
Might spark a good memory hun.

I remember your journal you put a lot of effort in it and it's such a good idea.

Sweets I wouldn't worry about closing your eyes.
It's too hard for you.
I can't imagine it'd be an issue.
In your own time hun if at all.

In fairness to yourself darlin you're unwell that's why it's so much harder to do anything productive.
We🤝'll work it out. That's what we do.

" If we don't believe...
It's harder to achieve "

Thoughts with love always dear Grandy
Hold on honey you'll come through this.
PubAok lysvm yAdimh precious friend 😚

Excuse me Grandz.
Awesome posts Doolsy (hi lovey been thinking a lot about you for ages) and same Wolfy. Several great people here I think about.

I'm keeping an eye on you darlin. Always close by 😊

Warmth to everyone ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝✨🕊🐣🐻🤗🗯

[demonblaster]

Grandy love 🤗☺

You poor darling going through that it must be scary lovey.

Huns would you be feeling up to a chat to someone here could help getting it off your chest honey. I know you've been happy with them here from before. 1300224636.

Darlin can you have a good chat to S tomoz. She sounds like a really great person very genuinely caring it's fantastic she's there for you and I'm confident she'd do what she can to help. I'd feel a lot better if people know how you're feeling so they can keep an eye on you and it might help you not feeling so alone too. Too much to be holding in by yourself darlin.

It is good hearing you're holding which I think you are but still need to ask R U O K honey. You know you can say.

You're goin to see puddy tomoz and be around some familiar good people

Really love you beautiful lady 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🗯

[Doolhof]

Dear Grandy and Hi to All,

Those niggly little thoughts are horrid blighters aren't they!

This morning I have tried to log in to an online support system and I can't get past their password requirements! It has frustrated the daylights out of me and I became annoyed. I have had to tell myself to leave those thoughts alone and do something else.

Sometimes those thoughts are going to hang around no matter what we try. I've been told to just allow them to be there, then tell yourself that is enough and try to think of something else.

To me that is like trying to fix a leaking tap by watching it drip for a while then turn the tap off tighter. Next time you turn the tap on, the same thing is going to happen. Guess there just isn't a way to stop those thoughts altogether Grandy, just find ways to manage them.

Is there something nice you can do for yourself today? I'm going to do a few jobs about the place and then will continue with a dot painting I am attempting.

Hey Grandy, having a whinge is okay, maybe think of it as sharing or debriefing, either way letting out the pain and frustrations any way you can is very beneficial.

Hope you have some extra peace today. Sending you a huge bunch of virtual flowers.

Cheers from Dools