Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy, wiht a wave to Paws and ER

It is marvelous the different the right material makes to one's comfort and mood. It can make it more likely bedtime is something to be looked forward to. I hope you get the larger sheets to make your doonah cover. You are a pretty capable person.

I think you are wise, not selfish, to be comfortable in your own company. While living in a caravan can meet some financial end even safety needs there are an awful lot of downs-sides even wiht people you love. 

Silence is to be treasured. I can sit in my kitchen and watch fantails hopping about wihtout being interuppted fter mrs C has cone out, which she does mot days. I can please myself what and e=when to eat, and read or annoy hte cat to please myself. 

There is no pressure. Just quiet pet company.

Sure it is a balance, it may be you might have a fall or some other hassle, but life has to be worth living on your terms.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩, Paws, ER, and everyone…..🤗♥️..

Thank you for your posts..

Yes my eldest son owns his own mechanical repairs shop, the rattle is a missing pin on my brake calipers, he couldn’t find one in enough time to fix that but said it’s not dangerous just noisy….he did replace the rocket cover gasket and timing chain gasket, which was leaking oil….did a service and sent in my pin slip….now next fortnight green slip payment….

1. Thank you Paws and Croix, for saying I’m not selfish…To much crap through my life and I just want to live the rest of my life in peace…Croix, you understand me so well….even though loneliness can be overwhelming some days…I am being me, doing what I want to do, something that was denied me most of my life….I can sit on my front patio for hours just watching everything around me…sitting on the patio was a strict no for so many years…if I move I can’t do that anymore…I have fallen a few times but was able to get myself up…if not my neighbour would help me…I’ve removed all mats from my home…

Oh yes,we have had a rainy day here and there and it’s so nice to sit out front all rugged up…(freezing cold here) and just watch those little raindrops falling over everything, to me it’s like God is cleaning his beautiful creations…The trees, grasses, even the mountains I can see all look clean and refreshed….

Drs, visit today after 5 months, told her still have th purple rash and lots of itchiness from shingles…now over 6 months…she told me I’m scarred by it and can’t tell me how long I’ll be in this mess of itchiness and a teeny bit of pain when sitting to long….Thursday I have an echocardiogram and a ct scan of my lungs in the bigger town, around 1.30 hours away…to find out how quickly the scarring is growing…going to be raining on Thursday and a late appointment means driving home in the darkness…

I took away sugar and most carbohydrates from my diet around Christmas and at Drs weigh in, I was 18 kilos lighter than when I was lasted weighed by Dr in February….most of my clothes don’t fit properly😂…but they’ll do this winter…

Thank you Deebi for the butterfly, it helped a lot…name, hmmm if okay give me some time to name her…please..unless you want to give Butterfly a name..

Winter has certainly arrived here…..it’s cold 🥶 now….I love the icy feeling on my face…but not my toes or fingers 😁…

Enjoy your day everyone….hugs🤗, love ♥️ and care 👼 to you all.

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Heya 👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy love and other lovelies here ✋

Dear darling friend. I just wanted to let you know I haven’t left the universe as much as it may seem that way. 
certainly haven’t forgotten you although how often I mean to jump in here then get distracted and Ms memory goes on walkabouts. 

As always daily several times you’re on my mind and always in my heart. 

I too am glad you finally got your trip to see the boys. 

I pwomish 😀 to get back soon because you really are so important. We’re soon off to help with a community activity we do weekly which is nice and connects people which has to be a good thing aye. 

So as my brother Arnold says….I’ll be bacccccckkkkkk. 

Always will love you Grandy. Tell beasty to take a hike hun on no uncertain terms. I’m slowly learning to. Really want you to have happy and content times in your life and for all good people we deserve it. 

💗💜🦋🦄🐣🌈🍓🍫 of course 🤫

[demonblaster]

Hey there darling bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and to the other lovelies here as well 🐾🦅🦭and a big hi to Mmkitty 😸 good seeing well hearing you 😅

Wow Grandy you continue to impress me with not only how you try so hard to deal and manage your mh it’s music hearing you’ve spoken to your dear sons about your mh and wishes to remain at home. Yip our own place our own space and certainly for you the quietness and that you feel secure and at peace at home is I agree where you should be. Hopefully it wasn’t too hard opening up but I do think wise and gave the boys solid reasons to help them to understand. 
I too agree that’s not selfish at all I think many people would feel same. 
Your love for your family is very strong and without a doubt reciprocated. 
well done darls 👍

Awesome that’d be a big plus getting the car sorted. Good on him having his own business. I’d guess a good one too. Cars are so needed for most.

Grandy gotta say I really like your thinking re being at home that if something happens basically you’ll deal with it if or when it does. Good the neighbour would be able to help out glad for that.A suggest is if you can or maybe do always keep your phone close by too. 

Right so you’ve had the tests at last. Let’s hope there’s some helps esp to ease the pain you’re feeling along the ribs that wouldn’t be pleasant. Ah darlin.

Ugh the itch. The Dr was I’m guessing giving a ballpark figure on how long. Hope it settles sooner than later. Don’t at all blame ou feeling fed up and over the body pain. SO hard to get through isn’t it. 

Ok lovelies time for me to hope I haven’t gone over the word count. 

Love deeply and always dear friend 🦋🌈💚💜👜🧚🏼‍♂️🕊️😊🤗

[quirkywords]

HiGgrand catching up . I drop by to read and smile and rarely I post. You are in my thoughts