Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy, wiht a wave to Paws and ER

It is marvelous the different the right material makes to one's comfort and mood. It can make it more likely bedtime is something to be looked forward to. I hope you get the larger sheets to make your doonah cover. You are a pretty capable person.

I think you are wise, not selfish, to be comfortable in your own company. While living in a caravan can meet some financial end even safety needs there are an awful lot of downs-sides even wiht people you love. 

Silence is to be treasured. I can sit in my kitchen and watch fantails hopping about wihtout being interuppted fter mrs C has cone out, which she does mot days. I can please myself what and e=when to eat, and read or annoy hte cat to please myself. 

There is no pressure. Just quiet pet company.

Sure it is a balance, it may be you might have a fall or some other hassle, but life has to be worth living on your terms.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩, Paws, ER, and everyone…..🤗♥️..

Thank you for your posts..

Yes my eldest son owns his own mechanical repairs shop, the rattle is a missing pin on my brake calipers, he couldn’t find one in enough time to fix that but said it’s not dangerous just noisy….he did replace the rocket cover gasket and timing chain gasket, which was leaking oil….did a service and sent in my pin slip….now next fortnight green slip payment….

1. Thank you Paws and Croix, for saying I’m not selfish…To much crap through my life and I just want to live the rest of my life in peace…Croix, you understand me so well….even though loneliness can be overwhelming some days…I am being me, doing what I want to do, something that was denied me most of my life….I can sit on my front patio for hours just watching everything around me…sitting on the patio was a strict no for so many years…if I move I can’t do that anymore…I have fallen a few times but was able to get myself up…if not my neighbour would help me…I’ve removed all mats from my home…

Oh yes,we have had a rainy day here and there and it’s so nice to sit out front all rugged up…(freezing cold here) and just watch those little raindrops falling over everything, to me it’s like God is cleaning his beautiful creations…The trees, grasses, even the mountains I can see all look clean and refreshed….

Drs, visit today after 5 months, told her still have th purple rash and lots of itchiness from shingles…now over 6 months…she told me I’m scarred by it and can’t tell me how long I’ll be in this mess of itchiness and a teeny bit of pain when sitting to long….Thursday I have an echocardiogram and a ct scan of my lungs in the bigger town, around 1.30 hours away…to find out how quickly the scarring is growing…going to be raining on Thursday and a late appointment means driving home in the darkness…

I took away sugar and most carbohydrates from my diet around Christmas and at Drs weigh in, I was 18 kilos lighter than when I was lasted weighed by Dr in February….most of my clothes don’t fit properly😂…but they’ll do this winter…

Thank you Deebi for the butterfly, it helped a lot…name, hmmm if okay give me some time to name her…please..unless you want to give Butterfly a name..

Winter has certainly arrived here…..it’s cold 🥶 now….I love the icy feeling on my face…but not my toes or fingers 😁…

Enjoy your day everyone….hugs🤗, love ♥️ and care 👼 to you all.

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Heya 👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy love and other lovelies here ✋

Dear darling friend. I just wanted to let you know I haven’t left the universe as much as it may seem that way. 
certainly haven’t forgotten you although how often I mean to jump in here then get distracted and Ms memory goes on walkabouts. 

As always daily several times you’re on my mind and always in my heart. 

I too am glad you finally got your trip to see the boys. 

I pwomish 😀 to get back soon because you really are so important. We’re soon off to help with a community activity we do weekly which is nice and connects people which has to be a good thing aye. 

So as my brother Arnold says….I’ll be bacccccckkkkkk. 

Always will love you Grandy. Tell beasty to take a hike hun on no uncertain terms. I’m slowly learning to. Really want you to have happy and content times in your life and for all good people we deserve it. 

💗💜🦋🦄🐣🌈🍓🍫 of course 🤫

[demonblaster]

Hey there darling bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and to the other lovelies here as well 🐾🦅🦭and a big hi to Mmkitty 😸 good seeing well hearing you 😅

Wow Grandy you continue to impress me with not only how you try so hard to deal and manage your mh it’s music hearing you’ve spoken to your dear sons about your mh and wishes to remain at home. Yip our own place our own space and certainly for you the quietness and that you feel secure and at peace at home is I agree where you should be. Hopefully it wasn’t too hard opening up but I do think wise and gave the boys solid reasons to help them to understand. 
I too agree that’s not selfish at all I think many people would feel same. 
Your love for your family is very strong and without a doubt reciprocated. 
well done darls 👍

Awesome that’d be a big plus getting the car sorted. Good on him having his own business. I’d guess a good one too. Cars are so needed for most.

Grandy gotta say I really like your thinking re being at home that if something happens basically you’ll deal with it if or when it does. Good the neighbour would be able to help out glad for that.A suggest is if you can or maybe do always keep your phone close by too. 

Right so you’ve had the tests at last. Let’s hope there’s some helps esp to ease the pain you’re feeling along the ribs that wouldn’t be pleasant. Ah darlin.

Ugh the itch. The Dr was I’m guessing giving a ballpark figure on how long. Hope it settles sooner than later. Don’t at all blame ou feeling fed up and over the body pain. SO hard to get through isn’t it. 

Ok lovelies time for me to hope I haven’t gone over the word count. 

Love deeply and always dear friend 🦋🌈💚💜👜🧚🏼‍♂️🕊️😊🤗

[quirkywords]

HiGgrand catching up . I drop by to read and smile and rarely I post. You are in my thoughts 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩, Quirky and everyone……🤗♥️..

Quirky, that’s okay, I can understand not posting much…I feel awfully slack because even though I have been wanting to post, I just haven’t had enough mental energy to do so…brain fog is so real and hard to deal with at most times….

I felt some anxiety opening up to them about my physical health but am pleased I did, at best it’s not playing on my mind anymore to tell them…I’m waiting for my next appointment with lung specialist to see if things are getting worse, I am hoping no news is good news as my results have been sent to both ,y Dr and specialist….I’ll find out in a few weeks though…I am praying that it is a slow progression of my deceased lungs…but if not I’ll just take things as they come…I have decided that if treatment is too harsh on my body, I’ll not do it…and put my life in Gods hands…

Deebi, please never worry about how often you post here, I know that you care and love me as I do you….and that our mh can hold us back from posting…

Physically I get tired very easily, my oxygen levels drops to low 70’s when I’m asleep and through the day sometimes to low 80’s according to my oximoniter which is installed in my watch…Dr said they are not 100% accurate but close….sometimes even sweeping can cause me some exhaustion….but life is what it is…and we have to manage things the best we can…

We have had a few days of rain here, wow everything looks so green and fresh, what a huge difference a bit of rain makes…I’m sitting out front and the paddocks across from me has beautiful green grass all the way to the end of what I’m privileged to see…which is a thousand times better then just looking at houses….

I hope everyone has a good day today, better then yesterday….sending you all my love♥️, my care🌈, and hugs 🤗..

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy..♥️🤗♥️🤗.

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all our lovelies here 💗

Always good to see you. Yes it really can be hard as to put pen to paper as in posting. 
Darlin thanks I do appreciate you understanding when I don’t post as soon as I’d hope and that you/we know how much we care and love each other. That’ll never change lovely one 🤗💚💜

I too am glad you spoke to your sons. It wouldn’t have been an easy convo. Glad you’re pleased you did hun. Must be a relief and that they understand that you’re content where you are. Well done darlin. So pleased you got to see them too esp with the humungous amount of travel. An hrs enough for me lol. I can do it but…must’ve been good getting home. It’s our own space isn’t it. 

Big bummer the o2 levels and feeling knocked up would be awful. I dearly as you are hoping this’ll be over a long period of time opposed to fast & that there’s some treatment that can make the process that bit easier. Tiredness as you know is a biggy with oxygen problems. Are you sleeping ok? I know the mh meds have heavy sleep assistance too. 
pfttt to the whole lot aye hun 😌 

I mentioned before you have a good coping attitude to this all. Philosophical I thinks the word. Good for you precious. With you every step Grandy 🤝 with your many friends here 😊

The rain does give nature a nice boost for sure. I thought some Jonquils weren’t going to come back oops through forgetting to water often. We too had a lot of rain and boing they’ve found a new lease of life. Rapt. Love the scent of doubles. Just healthy looking leaves atm. 
I know you enjoy the rain. 
Nature has untold beauty and seeing nice Green grass is nice too. 

I still often think about your cows when they’re there and of course the birdies and stars that you have an abundance of. Here unless we walk out furthur at night not many as in spot the star 😅 and some tweety lovely sounds but not a great deal. Enough to get pleasure at times from. Best music. 

Ok so Deendys 🐲 dropping by at yours might be there already to leave you some pan flute music and a coffee frappe that might be frozen solid by now knowing of your extreme weather conditions. Just pop it in the microwave should do the job. Maybe for an hour 😂

Love you very much dear Grandy and deeply appreciate our lovely friendship. 
Keep that chin up hun beasty can’t handle that 💪👍🕊️🌈🍓🪽🦋