Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi and all.

Betty is having tests. Her son is looking after her..haven’t heard nothing..

Deebi, I’m tired......really tired of trying.

Love you so very much...💜🤗...PUBOK always...you’re in my 💜...

I am okay, so don’t worry, Please..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🤗🦄👼🕊🌱...

Goddnight Everyone I hope you all have goodcsleeps....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩grandy🦄💜👼..

[smallwolf]

Hi Grandy,

It's been a while since I was last here. I am sorry things have been getting to you lately. And there is also a nice group of people here who check in on you. I can also the kind person you are in helping your friend Betty.

I dont suppose you were able to ask your psychologist what your option were now for support?

I hope you dont mind a shameless plug here, but I created a thread called

A guided meditation

You remember eons ago, I wrote a walk in the forest for you. Well I have started a new thread with that and added another post with a beach scene. When you feel down, or thoughts racing through your mind, try to take some time out and let you mind relax with these scripted stories.

Hope you are OK,

Tim

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

you are a good friend to Betty and I am sure that she appreciates you. Please don’t get tired of trying, I am struggling to try too.

take care. And I hope you get some sleep x

tess

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 💜⚘

Are you really ok? It's sad hearing you say you're sick of trying 😢

I'm concerned about you. You have to be ok Grandy! We're in this together 🤝💑 please know we'll make it.

I'm sorry you havent heard about Betty maybe you could ring the hospital and ask for the son to ring you and you may be able to talk directly to Betty.

Hope works a good distraction for you today. And getting the halter monitor on too. Pubok Grandy need and deeply love you 🌱🕊🚜✨amazing friend 🤗

🌜💑🤝💜👀💼🕊🌛

Thank you for calling at mine always so lovely seeing you.

Please take good care precious friend 😚🦄

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Tim, Tess and everyone..

Im sorry if I have let you down..I’m just so tired of trying, up then down..it’s exhausting.

I spent all day Sunday at the hospital with Betty, I got into trouble with the nurses for not calling an ambulance for her..Then her son was also upset with me for the same reason...Betty called at mine Sunday morning, she had shakey and pins and needles in both her legs and arms and a headache..I immediately took her to the hospital, she was talking okay and begged me no ambulance, so to avoid further stress to her I took her in. bad, bad me...There are no drs their except for life threatening patients..then they will ring one ..... She is coming home tomorrow...she had tests done and insisting on being home...I needed a sedative to calm me down..I’m just completely hopeless.

Yesterday, my dr rang to say she wanted to talk to me....I got in there, then she asked questions, she said also sorry, because she had no real idea of what I went through...She is setting up an hour skype once a fortnight with another psychiatrist, she wants me to go on mood stabilisers..Then Mindspot clinic rang me, and wanted to know more of my traumas, attempts etc...The questions were so hard to answer, she wanted details...It took me down so fast, All I want to do is forget, to heal they said I need to talk about.its to hard for me to do that. do they know how hard that is to do and what it does to me..NO because they haven’t lived my life..oh she kept saying how very sorry she was after each answer, but that made me worse...I’m tired of remembering and being taken down all the time, it hurts deep and hard....

I start a 8 week course on C-PTSD, Anxiety, depression and S/I thoughts management on Monday 3rd Dec..it’s takes an hour per day to do the course and the psychiatrist assigned to me rings and talks for an hour about each week.....It’s full on and I don’t think I’m going to be strong enough to do this....I’m afraid of my thoughts sometimes.

I went to work and it did help distract me a little, I’m home now and again trying hard to distract my thoughts...Tomorrow again I have to go to town to take halter monitor off...The one I’m using is needed tomorrow for another person...

I feel so trapped and alone, I need someone to put their arms around me and say I will be okay..because I don’t feel like I will be anymore..I’m trying to be...I really am..

Deebi,I think of you daily..love you deep...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..so very sorry I’m

[Guest8901]

My dear Grandy,

You have no reason to be saying you're sorry. None at all. We all know you are doing your best and we all have some inkling of how difficult all this would be for you. I feel at a complete loss as to how best to help you Grandy. How I wish I could be there for you, as I would be in a flash. So please imagine that I have turned up on your doorstep this evening ... my arms are outstretched to you and I embrace you with love and understanding. I wrap my arms around your shoulders and give you a gentle squeezy hug in an attempt to reassure you. Breathe Grandy and then relax ... everything really will be okay. Sigh ... yes please let those tears out, its a cleansing process ... good for you.

I expect you wont get a lot of sleep tonight, or what you do get will be disturbed by the monitor thing. I recall I lay awake all night long when I had mine on. It kept coming on and going off all night long, and was most uncomfortable. My test didnt achieve much .. it confirmed I had a heart murmor, that I have very low blood pressure at times and concluded that I have white coat syndrome. I hope yours will be more helpful for you.

Grandy, this Mindspot course sounds ideal for you. I really hope you can bear up and see it through. It sounds as though the support you need will be there. I feel sure that you will have access to either the psychiatrist who is assigned to you, or other psychologists who work there, at any time you need them. Please remember to ask, if they do not mention this to you. Grandy ... its a given that you will be triggered by this process. I'm sorry, but thats fact. But I also know you are strong enough to get through this, when supported adequately by trained professionals. It sounds as though you will have this. Please be as honest with them as you can be Grandy, it will help in the long run.

Again Grandy ... as I finish my post and prepare to head back home ... can I please again put my arms around you in a warm and loving embrace, and tell you that you WILL be okay. 🤗

Amanda 💕

[demonblaster]

Ahh dear Grandy come here sweetheart 🤗 this is as often and long as you need them. I'm SO sorry to hear of you struggling so much. Sweetheart you're so much stronger than you think and look how far you've come darling. My heart goes out to you precious friend. Sweetheart they want to help you get all the pain out. It is scary being alone I know darlin Always remember beautiful lady you have us, so many here care so deeply about you.
Don't like you being so upset. Want to hug you and not let go. Like Mandy I'd be there in a flash if I could.

Sweety you did right by Betty, she begged you no ambo and you took her to the hospital. Her son is worried about her, I wish he knew the story. Oh Grandy darlin you will be ok honey 🤗 love you so much 🌱🕊

Hey you NEVER let us down, geez hun the life you've had and how loving and compassionate you are and a rock to so many nah you're amazing. Deep love for you dear friend
🌜💑💜🤝 🌛

Wow so you're going to be having skype hun at least you can see the person, I hope that helps you not feel so alone. I think you are strong enough, darlin it's ok to be unsettled but remember its going to help you.

I'm glad Betty will be home tomoz. Grandy you're not completely hopeless at all please don't believe beasty, believe us, the people that know and love you 😚

Grandy please don't give up on yourself you can't we're in this together 🤝 💑

I'm at yours tonight we'll look at the stars maybe Mandy Peps Starts Lee Tess Quirky and everyone would like to join us.

Grandy always in my heart 💜💑✨beautiful lady 🤗☺😚🦄⚘🕊🌱

[Tess2]

Grandy dear, you have not let me down. At all.. I am just worried about you and don’t want you to give up but I understand entirely. I too m very tired of it all at the moment.

perhaps the nurse ps were not angry, but just felt concern for you both. You are not bad for taking her to hospital.

I would put my arms around you if I could.

Tess

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely lady and everyone

I hope it all went well today getting your halter monitor off.

Take it real easy hun and please look after yourself precious friend.

Hoping Bettys ok and got some answers.

You matter to many sweet lady

Pubok love you very much. No need for a reply to this just want you to know you're in my thoughts often 🤗

🌜💑💜💗🤝💼✨🌛🦄 lady 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Tess and all,

Thank you very much for your very caring hugs you have given me, I appreciate your kindness so very much...I’m sorry about not replying to you all, but I will...it’s just that I have a lot of trouble dealing with so much kindness towards me, I’m still trying to get used to it....It’s hard to put into words, but I seem to retreat and hide inside myself..I wish so much I knew why this happens to me...I very grateful to all of you so very much...

I will reply to you all soon. I’ve started to several times today/ tonight but my mind just isn’t working properly, brain fog...I think it’s called...

please know that I really do love and care for you all and appreciate you all in every way....

Deebi, Betty is home and I ran her, she is reluctant and not saying what her results are..I’ll have to wait until she is ready to tell me and if she wants me to know...All I can do atm is be here for her if she needs me...

I hope everyone is doing okay....

Deebi...Please ubok...special friend...thank you for staying at mine last night, it gives me a lot of comfort knowingbyou are at mine...🌜Love 💜 you🌛..dear friend..

Love and hugs everyone..you all matter so much to me..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..