Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Ok darlin it is a lot to think about and you have so much on your plate. As long as you're ok with it all for now which is what you need to be concentrating on eh hun. The now.

You're amazing Grandy and you know its not just words.

That's a shame not gelling with your psych. Yes digging up pain would be incredibly hard.

Precious before you drive home please be sure your ok to. Maybe there's somewhere peaceful you could sit quietly away from people and ground yourself with the beauty of nature first or take your mind to memories of your gorgeous birdies and hear their sounds of peaceful chatter.

Grandy I wasn't looking for it and listened to...

"Arms of an angel"

Tears of love streamed down my face. Always in my 💗 🐘with 💜

Thanks Grandy yes I'm ok mostly today. It's you we need to be looking after atm.

I'll be there with you 🤝 and waiting at yours with a nice hot pot of tea grilled special cheese you like (sowwy 🙄) tomato, pepper, not the full container 😁 and a Cinnamon cake for later. Oh and an 🍎

You ARE going to get through dear friend 🌱

So much love 🌜💑🦄🍵🤝😂🐶🕊🦋🌈✨🎄🎲🤹‍♀️🌛

Also with you I the car and waiting room

Always thoughts with deep 💜

We're going to get through 🤝🤗

[Guest8901]

Hello dear Grandy,

You havent posted here since your psych apt, so I am here to ask how you are. I know apts stir things up and though you may need to debrief a little. If not, thats fine too. Know I am thinking of you, and care a great deal.

I am so pleased the nurses at the BreastScreen caravan took good care of you on Wednesday. I hate having those too, but had mine done earlier this year. I can forget about it for another 2 years. They are nowhere near as bad as the pap tests though. Urgh ... I'm overdue for mine, which my GP reminded me of last visit.

Grandy, I think it would be worthwhile following up with the disability application with your psych. It would make your life very much easier. And as you are going to be doing this course through MindSpot, you may find you could be triggered somewhat on occasion. That will hopefully ease as you get into it, but it could be difficult initially. It would also mean you were not forced into doing the work each week. I think you could still volunteer there later if you chose to, but would no longer need to be there to comply with Centrelink requirements. It could take some pressure off you through a difficult time ahead.

I understand that where you are is home, that it has many good points, that it would be hard to leave. But I do think it could be worth putting your name down for Govt housing. As you say, it could be a long time before anything comes up anyway. And if it comes up and you're either not ready, or changed your mind, then you can always knock it back. At least it gives you options. And as you age (and you do have health issues) we all need better health care and availability of services, so where you are may not be an option for long. To open ourselves up to possible options is always a good thing.

How is the ear infection going? Okay I must go now, things I need to do. I hope you are okay after yesterday, and that you are doing well today. Please take good care of you. And an affectionate cuddle for Kya and Ebony.

Hi Deebi, Lee and Pepper.

Amanda 🤗🌹✨💕

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Grandy and everyone,

Grandy, are you ok lovely? You have gone quiet here on your thread too (so have you Amanda ). I sincerely hope you are ok beautiful.

Know that you are a beautiful caring and compassionate person Grandy. I'm concerned about you. Let us know how you are...when you get a chance.

Lots of love care and hugs lovely lady. 🤗🤗🤗🤗

Lee ❤💓

[Ggrand]

Hello, Deebi, Amanda,Lee..

Im sorry that I made you all worry about me..I didn’t mean to as well I’m not ignoring you just unsurevof myself and future ..

As usual I left my psych office quite upset, she asked questions, but I didn’t want to go back their so I clammed up remembering how I always leave her, trying to protect me and come home not so emotional but it didn’t work, the questions are continuously circling my brain...to top it all of that’s my last visit with her...She is leaving as she said she’s to busy working in the town...No psychs want to work in the town as traveling to and from from the other town takes a lot of traveling, now their is no psych in town....

My psychiatrist and mhn hasn’t contacted me either..a month now I think... .I feel a bit abandoned..but I want to assure you all that I’m okay...

Amanda, I’m not sure if I want to go on disability pension..it’s a “label” I do not want...because then it will feel like it’s a permanent assessment of me and I should just give up then, because that means to me my professionals think I won’t ever get better....Government housing I’m still looking in to it...being on Newstart I’m only aloud $1,300. cash assets...that’s why I’m thinking of waiting 4 more years...

Lee..Thank you I’m okay....I’m working through me atm, but no doubt will bounce back again...

Deebi...I’m sorry hun I couldn’t answer your post sooner..”Arms of an Angel”..is a beautiful but very emotional song I cry so much when I listen to it..Thank you for being with me on my trip, and waiting with me in the waiting room...My psych is not late anymore I walked away a few times from the waiting room when I had to wait over 30 minutes, I start getting to anxious and need to go home...Deebi, I hope you are ok..PUBOK..love you very much💜..

My ear infection has just about all cleared up now, phew..

I hope you are doing good and some light coming your way...

Thank you all for being the kind,.compassionate, beautiful, and wonderful people you all are..

Love and hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

[demonblaster]

Hey sweety and to all your/our beautiful friends

Such good news hearing your poor ears coming good. What a relief that must be. Makes me sad 😢

I'm sorry hearing your psychs moved on but then you weren't particularly comfortable with her either so maybe not so bad but not having one and not being contacted by the others wouldn't be so good either. I'm so glad you said you're ok. I can trust you are can't I? We're allowed to ask that of eachother 🤗 we're close and that's what we do eh Floss ☺

Grandy has your heart settled down. Pubok dear friend.

Thank you so much for being there and comforting me at mine you dear sweet friend. I can't stop sleeping which is ok it's healing. Hope you're managing better sleep now honey too it makes such a difference to our mental and physical health.

Just a little reminder for us all to take some nice slow deep breaths together and say relax to ourselves on each out. That's the way. Well done.

In the arms of an Angel its special like you 👼. Don't give up has that affect on me as well.

You will bounce back beautiful Grandy because you have an inner strength that's growing with your determination and courage. I'm learning so much and I imagine others too from you darling Angel 💜🕊

Grandy people don't love and care so deeply about others without reason, have a wee think about that hun. You my friend are SO loved and appreciated. Thank you for being such a beautiful person.

Deep love for you 🌜💑🌛

🌱⚘🕊😚🦄 💼🚜 🛶🌠🤝🐅

I'm 🛵 at yours tonight if ok. I'll make you a nice pot of an-t-ea ☺ you're a good 💑 friend Grandy⚘🤗 🌴

[demonblaster]

Just woken at yours Grandy popping my head at the lounge to see if your awake precious and warm enough.

Ruok Floss? I read a post you responded to and seriously I loved and agree with what you wrote. If you want to talk here or at mine you know anything anytime 🤗

It worries me when your quiet but I also understand sometimes you need time out.

Love you deeply Grandy. Pubok honey. You make an enormous positive difference in so many lives. I'll stay at yours. Wish for real & you at mine 😢

🌜🕊🌛💑💜🌱🦋🦄 🤝

I'll be 👀 you today always do and always👂🏻precious.

Please Grandy be ok 🤗 I'm always here for you. Really care about you darl ⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I Took Betty to the hospital early this morning, I’m still here, they want me to leave her their and go home...I can’t leave her by herself..I’m scared to leave her alone...I rang her son, he is still a couple of hours away..I can’t leave her ...

[demonblaster]

Ahh darlin what a beautiful friend you are.

Poor Betty I hope the dear ladies ok and certainly in the right place. You're so kind Grandy such an amazing friend.

Thankyou for your absolutely beautiful (always are) post at mine.

Love you very much sweet friend thanks for letting us know you're ok.

How cool a year 😀 seems longer 🤗😚 going to lay down again hun. Bbl at mine

You're 🦄 💑💜

Best to dear Betty ⚘

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy

Really sorry to hear that your friend Betty required an early morning hospitalisation. Is she okay, and is she still in the hospital? I can understand you not wanting to leave her there on her own. Deebi is right, you are a truly beautiful and thoughtful friend.

I hope Betty's son arrived there yesterday and that it allowed you to leave her in good hands. I would expect your Kya and Ebony would have be delighted to finally see you arrive back home.

Good to hear that your ear infection has pretty much cleared up by now. But please continue to take things easy and give yourself further recovery time.

Just a quick post from me this bright early morning to make sure you're okay. Sending you some love and some warm reassuring hugs. And maybe a choccie bar or two as well? Maybe a bunch of roses? 🍫🌹

Amanda 💕

[demonblaster]

You ok lovey

Hope Bettys ok.

Love and care always 💑💜

Miss you 🤗