Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

I’m lovingly and tenderly putting my arms around you. An extra warm hug coming right up...

The Mindspot phone call, all the questions, etc sound very distressing and triggering. I get that they were trying to help you. But I’m surprised that they didn’t help you out with some sort of coping tool after opening up your emotional wounds...

I’m thinking perhaps next time, you could request that they do that (give you coping tools, help, etc after you bring up any trauma)...just to make sure you have some aftercare, so to speak, in place. That is my gentle suggestion...

I think just take your time with replies. There’s absolutely no rush, especially as I know how much you’re struggling...gentle and easy does it...

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Tess,

Amanda.......You help me more then you will ever know...The squishy hug was so beautiful thank you, and for you saying that you would be at mine in a flash, was so caring thank you very much...

The Mindspot course is taking my mind on a good workout..I’m not a smart person and so many times I read the words but it doesn’t register the meaning of them, then I get things wrong...My biggest concern is that I’ll be more then likely remember and asked to talk about things that will bring me down to much to continue the next days lesson...In this way I don’t think I’ll be strong enough to complete it on time.....But I will give it my best me and do the best I can..I don’t want to waste their time when they could be helping someone who needs it more then me....I will be honest with them but it’s going to be hard and I’m not sure if I can speak into to much detail with them....Thank you for your encouragement and your hugs, they are very much appreciated...

Tess..The nurses made me feel so bad and that I could have done worse by Betty...anything could have happened to her on my trip in with her to hospital ....the ambulance takes a round 45 minutes to get out here...and she didn’t want ambulance because everybody knows what everyone else does in this town....Thank you for wanting to give me a hug..

Deebi..Thank you very much for saying also you would come to mine in a flash and give me hug and not let go...Thank you and others for saying I never let you down..I try hard not to but I can at times get so tired of 😢 and then trying to stop gets so exhausting.. and it feels to hard to try...

I am lucky that I have a permanent Dr..She is so caring, she has booked me in every 4 weeks for an appointment right through next year to make sure I’m not having to worry about appointments..I really like her...Skype..I’ve heard about but never used before..each appointment is an hour long...I’m on the cancellation list, My Dr..is hoping I can get in on the 20th December, before Christmas...If not it will be next year... I feel that Mindspot, and the Skype psychiatrist will be my last chance at wellness..So I will give them both my all...The psychiatrist who said he booked me into his mental health facility, I’ve not heard from since...neither my mhn..I’m confused at this..Is this how it usually works?..It was comforting knowing you’re thinking of me...Love you so very much as well Deebi..

L&H 💜🤗 everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼.

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy,

Thank you so much for your extra warm hug..It was a beautiful way to start my day....

The girl I spoke to did say that once the course started I would have accesss to phoning or emailing them if I am struggling to keep my thoughts safe I and can ring them anytime I need to just talk....

The girl did notice my stress and asked me if I felt safe..I said I did...I’m okay Peppy, Thank you so very much for you love and concern...You’re such a gentle warm beautiful person and I know your also struggling, I’m so sorry you are....I wish always the best in life for you.....and others...it’s not fair that depression seems to attach itself to so many beautiful caring people...

Sending you some love and hugs Peppy...

Grandy...

[Guest8901]

Oh Grandy ... why can you not see it, as we all do? Grandy nobody needs or deserves this MindSpot placement more than you do. Please go into it knowing that you fully deserve this care and attention that you are about to receive. I know its something new to you, but you do need it and you very definitely deserve it.

Grandy I have heard you many times saying that you are unworthy or not smart enough. But I see time and time again how you so wisely and gently provide fantastic advice and support right throughout these forums. Please do not put yourself down or belittle yourself here. We all know better, we know that is not the case at all. You have had a lifetime of being told such things, but it honestly is not true. Can you please try to believe us, and thus believe in yourself?

I'm happy to say that you seem more resolved and determined today to go through with this course. I'm so pleased Grandy! I'm also very relieved that you were told that you have access to trained Mindspot professionals right throughout your course. I thought that would be the case, and pleased to know that it is. Please try to keep in mind that they wont know you are stuggling unless you tell them. So I'd advise you to not try to go it alone. Please take up the option of receiving true support now that it is finally there for you. This is a wonderful opportunity for you Grandy, one which you must have almost given up hope of receiving.

I am so glad that your GP cares enough to organise it for you. And that you have a monthly apt with her for the next 12 months. I know how hard it is for you to get an appointment, so you must be relieved about that? So good to know that at least someone has your best interests in mind. Cant be said about your MHN or psychiatrist unfortunately. That really has me baffled and upset that they have not followed up with you. But ... you wont need them now ... you can forget about them now, as you prepare for this Mindspot course.

As for the Betty situation ... I think you did the right thing by taking her to the hospital. It meant she received much needed attention far sooner than she would have done if you'd called an ambulance.

Okay I will leave it there for now. I hope your day is going well so far. Any more rain for you? We had an inch or so yesterday which was lovely, and cool and overcast today, possible showers later.

Take care Grandy, and remember, you can do this! And you don't have to do it alone any more.

Amanda 🌺🤗👀💕

[Ggrand]

Hello all,

Thanks, Deebi, Amanda.....and everyone for everything..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[Guest8901]

Dearest Grandy

I'm not sure quite what to make of this latest post of yours. Given the late change of plan as discussed this afternoon on Deebi's thread (to revert back to the hospital option with your psychiatrist) I must say that I'm concerned about the tone of your post.

Grandy, please tell me you're okay and that you're not planning on running away. Please tell me that you've organised somewhere safe for Kya and Ebony where they will be happy for the duration of your hospital stay. Please tell me you have agreed to go into the hospital as originally discussed. I want this decision to be yours, not theirs. You need this decision to be yours, and not theirs.

Grandy you will not disappear like Magic. Magic is still around, I believe it's her who ticks the helpful box on posts made to her thread. I'm confident she's being well looked after and remains safe in hospital and receiving the expert care she needs right now.

That's what I wish for you Grandy - safety, to be well cared for and to be provided with the tools for healing. Everything I said in my previous post here about the Mindspot course, applies equally to the hospital option ... perhaps even more so. At least in the hospital environment I know you will have 24/7 care and supervision if needed. I know you will be safe. With the Mindspot option it worried me that you may not tell them when you were not coping, that you may not ask for help when you needed it.

Please remember to write down your signs Karen - For example - I do not consent to ECT. And repeat that to your psychiatrist and anyone else who will listen. You are going in on a voluntary basis Grandy and you have choices which they have to abide by.

Grandy ... it will be okay. Please just breathe, and try to get some sleep now. Everything will seem clearer in the morning. Give Kya and Ebony a big cuddle and enjoy their company tonight. They will miss you ... every bit as much as you will miss them. Remember we will all remain here to try our best to support you Grandy. It's important you know that.

Much love to you dear lady.

Amanda 🤗💕🐶🌺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi precious Grandy,

Like Mandy, I’m also concerned about the tone of your latest post. I say this out of love and care, but I’m worried about your safety...

Maybe you’re not feeling up to talking right now (and that’s more than okay), but do you think you can check in again to let us know how you’re faring when you’re ready?

Sending loving hugs and much love,

Peppy xoxo

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Grandy,

Thinking of you lovely lady. Don't run away. You can do this beautiful. We're all here for you. ❤

Lee

[demonblaster]

Darling Grandy 🤗

I too when I read that last post of yours felt concern too.

Please Grandy this is your chance to get better, you are strong enough. We believe in you.

I love and care so much about you Grandy please remember our emoji code if too hard to talk.

We're in this 🤝 sweetheart

Please don't run away anywhere you're much stronger now and you'll be safe and looked after.

💑💜💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Peppy,Lee and all.

Im deeply sorry for worrying you all, I don’t blame you at all for walking away from me...My first instinct is flight and it’s so strong and hard to ignore...I did go to run last night and spent the night in my car and read your words and cried so hard..I’ve spoken to mental health help line earlier today, who got my psychiatrist to ring me....He has explained more better about the facility and I agreed to present myself on Monday morning...or else he will into a psych ward in the hospital, undper the mental health act.He is very afraid for me....I agreed with him the difference between the two and the better option is to present myself Monday morning....He will be there on Tuesday...

Im really scared but at the same time know how sick I really am....

I was happier with Mindspot, but I really don’t have much of an option.

Ive got the weekend to get through now...I’m down deep, I need to try to get myself up before Monday..it’s a long drive there..

Deebi..I posted on yours before here...Love you so deep..

Love you all..I’m real am sorry..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼