Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 💗

Just popping in for a quick cuppa 🍫 oh oh must have dropped that lil surprise. Here darlin just made us a nice Frappe awe yummo for the salted caramel ones. If memory serves you like the coffee one. Great on a hot day aren’t they. 

So here’s hoping you’re in recovery from the shingles precious? I think it can vary how long it lasts. Cruel I’ve heard. pfftt. 

Always 💭 darlin and assuming hopefully wrong though that everything going on would be giving your mh a strong dive South. These hugs are extremely gentle with much love care and support Grandy darl and being virtual should also allow pain free connection 🤗🤗🤗 These last a few hrs each so you’ll be comforted for ages. 

I imagine it’s getting pretty ick steamy in your neck of the woods by now. We had a few days a bit cooler but it’s warming up. Can’t stand the heat but at least it’s only for a few mths. Crikey some parts of Oz have high temps all year round. No thanks. 

Ok lovely we’re going to shop soon then squeeze a walk in sometime. Tricky walking later when it’s cooled down the energy and motivations not strong but makes sense to avoid the higher UV rays and with luck a coolish breeze. 

Was just thinking about y/our gum tree at yours. I imagine that continues to give you pleasure. We have patches here where there’s a few they’re beautiful so strong and each one has something different to soak into the memory. 

With some luck your poor bods giving you less pain now being free from the heavy lifting. 

Hope today’s a good one Grandy & for readers. And that you’re getting at least some better sleeping. So hard with pain isn’t it. 

C u later dear friend. Sending much love via Deendy 🐉 mail 
YADIMH 💗👀💫👜😇

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to everyone,

How lovely for you that your son & dil visited, you described it so beautifully... "2 days of constantly chatting and spending quality time together, warmed my heart and soul"….  

I'm hoping the shingles are much nearer to being healed & gone for you. You are good not scratching the area, I would be a big fail at not scratching.

I'm nowhere near as good with words or explaining things as our Croix is... so I will say "what he said".  Speaking of our favourite walrus, you are always very welcome Grandy to join in the the party planning going on for a spectacular do on his iceberg... just pop along to my thread.  

I hope you are feeling up to sitting on your verandah lass... just give a whistle like a kettle & I will be there before you have poured the water with yummy treats bought from the bb cafe... so they are calorie free... & we can watch the stars together with your furs.

huggily hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone…🤗🩷..

Thank you for your posts.

I am so grateful that I can sit relatively comfortable now…Shingles I think and hope is now in the healing stage…I heard of them before, but never in my wildest dreams knew how painful they are…I recommend that everyone who is of the right age to get the vaccination…

You’re right Deebi, my mental health has fallen a lot, with my prior diagnosis  of Pulmonary fibrosis, then shingles…it’s been hard…Still waiting to hear from the bigger hospital for lung function and other tests, doesn’t look like I’ll get it done before my next visit in February with Lung specialist…probably won’t be able to get a treatment plan until those tests are carried out….

Since I stopped working at Vinnies, my back aches are quickly disappearing along with my leg and hip pain…for which I’m very grateful for…but my world has gotten very small…with no commitments to go to, I stay at home,   I can feel again that all familiar feeling of not wanting to go out anywhere…which is hard to push away…

It has been hot out my way, to hot and another 4 day heatwave next week…not looking forward to that at all, thankfully I have an air conditioner, that helps a lot…Its hard to get enough air, when the air is hot….Geez even my cold water is Luke warm all day, my home is old built in the early 60’s and the water pipes runs along the bottom of the outside walls..and has full exposure to the suns heat….not underground except from the meter to the house…The water freezes in winter….

Deebi, I’ve not been sitting outside f since Christmas…as much as I want to, it’s been hard to do so…everything is so hard to do…nothing interests me anymore for a while now…I feel flat most days…😔…

I really do hope that everyone reading here, has a good day,

My love, care and hugs to you all….🩷🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey dearest Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 Croix 🦭Eagle 🦅 & all 🤚

Darlin girl awful knowing you’re struggling so much 🤗 You sure are going through a terrible load.

Really good hearing the swine shingles are on the heal. I’ve often heard what terrible pain people go through with it. Yes well done not scratching. Very hard not to do. You’ve been strong. 

It’s not at all good you’re feeling so low but also with what’s on your plate it’s understandable. It’s often said for us to have compassion for ourselves which yes makes sense, the trouble I find is it then tumbles my head into deeper headspace toward Black. 

Huns in Feb which isn’t at all far off you’ll have more understanding and a care plan which would I’d think or hope help settle the unknown of what comes next and what to expect. 
Also February is when you start at the kiosk, I think this morning on waking I felt as other times too so happy that you’re looking forward to starting there. Then as well you’ll have more purpose hun. Horrible feeling so rotten isn’t it 💓 

May I suggest to go against horrible beasties wish of not sitting on the verandah darl. Apart from some fresh air looking around can have a positive affect on our mh which you so need a break from darkness. Ah darlin it’s such hard work but worth the push.

Your friends and I’ll be out there with you 🤝 listening to the birdies, climbing the great Gum well 🤔 maybe not me but we can cheer them on and enjoying nature. Are the cows still across the paddock?

Ugh don’t at all like the sound of that heatwave ick. So smothering.
My late love and I lived in an area where in winter the water froze in the pipes. Also horribly hot in summer. A dry heat.

Grandy it sounds like there’s a party at the Iceberg which sounds like a bit of fun. What ya reckon hun maybe we could dress up 👗👒👡👑 and cool off for a while. 

Dear Mr darling and I are going to walk soon down the road it’s a bit longer than our other ones which is good cause haven’t for about 3 days oops. 

Ok my sweetyheart please try not to let beasty have IT’s way with your thoughts and tell IT this is NOT how you chooose to feel. You have the control over what you think. That’s a couple of helps I had the other day with a terrible mood drop. 

Love you very much dear friend. Keep going sweety. You’re so much stronger than you think. You’ve proven that repeatedly 🤛🤝🫶💭💗💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy and Everyone here 🤗

I just thought I would send you some penguins for company Grandy 🐧🐧🐧 It is a tradition started by Croix of sharing penguins and I thought he wouldn't mind me borrowing it. I just thought they may cheer you up. You are always welcome to join us on the iceberg, even if you just want to curl up on a couch in Croix's igloo or watch the shenanigans from the sidelines. But equally you are welcome to put on some ice skates and skim about with Effie the Elephant too. Just look out for her triple twirls which can be a bit wild 😂

I relate to that feeling of not wanting to go out and I can want to just stay on my couch and not see the world at times. It's such a balancing act isn't it, having something to go to in the external world but feeling the need to withdraw as well. The shop was like an external motivator wasn't it, but in the end it wasn't the best for you in other ways. It's great you have the kiosk to look forward to and hopefully that will lift you and bring you a sense of connection and purpose. I'm glad at least some of the aches and pains have been subsiding and I'm so glad the Shingles seems to be at the healing stage.

Like Paws says, we can be there with you in spirit on your lovely verandah, having a cuppa with you. And like Deebi says, you are strong and courageous.

Love and hugs to you 🤗💕

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws,  🤗🌹🩷…

I want to say how sorry I am, I just came in and saw your post before my reply…..feeling so bad I didn’t see it earlier….my bad…

I haven’t been sitting out front for a while, but will do soon when I can sit for a long while without hurting….The treats from th BB Cafe are the best…totally calorie free, no matter what we decide to eat 😂😂😂….

Thank you dear Paws, I might just pop along and see w

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy and Everyone else too 🤗

Just thinking of you Grandy and hoping you are going along okay. I don't know if you have had your medical visit yet, but if you have I hope that you got some helpful information from it. We are here if you want to talk about anything, but absolutely no pressure to either. 

I hope you have been able to sit out on your verandah now and really enjoy it again. Yes, we can certainly bring some "calorie free" treats 🤣 I have some calorie free chocolate cake, lemon and blueberry cheesecake and cinnamon donuts. Hehehe! Yum yum 😋

Kind thoughts and hugs,

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Eagle Ray, Deebi, Paws and everyone….

Sorry, really very sorry I’ve been away from the forums for a while, I have been so mentally and physically unwell….to much so that I couldn’t help myself let alone anyone else…

Shingles hasn’t left me yet, I was told 4-6 weeks..its been nearly 10 weeks and I’m so very much over it….still bright purple at times and painful to sit…..not as bad as a few weeks ago, but it’s just dragging me deeper into depression….

I had all my tests done, my lung capacity has declined since my last lot of tests, can’t compare lung cut scans because the hospital cannot find the ones I had a few years back…Im not getting enough oxygen into my lungs which are causing my fingers to be clubbed…..Another ct scan in 5 months as well as an echocardiogram of my heart when I can get an appointment to see if that has also declined….I’ve had a heart defect/disease for a number of years…I’m getting old and definitely am feeling it…

I haven’t gone to the kiosk volunteer job because I’m to sore to be sitting to long…I was told when offered the job..that I should bring a book, knitting or something to do because it doesn’t get busy at all and it’s a very small kiosk…that’s on hold for now….I wanted to visit my children but can’t sit for 7 hours in my car driving, my birthday (70) is coming up in a couple of weeks and I wanted to spend it with them…but no the universe is not going to let me….(not feeling sorry for me) just feeling lonely with everything that’s going on with me over the past few months…

Cinnamon donuts, yummy, we used to have a hot bread shop in town but that has closed down since Christmas,  they had the best pies, I used to buy one every few weeks…now it’s just supermarket bread, pies, cakes etc….not a fan of them..so I might drop into the BB cafe for some yumminess….

I have sat out front a few times, but it’s not doing anything for me..it’s just meh!…

Not sure what else to say, my brains not cooperating right now…just wanted to check in and apologise for not being around….I hope I can change that now…

I hope so much that your all okay and feeling good within yourself….

Sending some hugs, love and kindness to you all….🤗♥️🌸🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy and Everyone 💗

Please don't feel you have to apologise for being away from the forums, and you certainly are not obligated to be trying to help anyone else when you are dealing with so much yourself.

I'm so sorry to hear about the Shingles still being there. I can totally understand how that would make you feel more depressed. I have heard it can be so painful and uncomfortable. There does seem to be a very bad bout of it around at the moment as I've heard a few people talking about it. I can also hear that it's getting difficult with other symptoms too, including with the oxygen in the lungs. And then there are heart issues too. I can really hear just how much you are dealing with Grandy and want to send you a big hug, which I know is not a lot over the internet. But we are here for you and listening.

I'm wondering if you have been able to share things with your children yet, about all you are dealing with including the pulmonary fibrosis? I just feel you so need some support and people being aware so that you are not struggling away on your own. I think many of us here on the forums tend not to ask for help and try to manage by ourselves, but often once we have some support it can really make a difference. Even just chatting on a helpline can help to alleviate the feeling of struggling alone and brighten things a little. I have found human kindness to be the best treatment for so many things.

It's completely understandable you haven't made it to the kiosk yet. Right now you really need someone to come and support you. I wish I could bring you some cinnamon donuts to munch on 🍩 It's understandable it feels meh on the verandah. I think when we are really feeling depressed, the things we usually find peace from don't necessarily work so well.

Please know that we are here and really care about you Grandy 🤗🌼🌸💖

Hugs,

ER

[demonblaster]

Hey there dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Eagle ‌🦅‌ and lovelies 🤚

Sweets I read your post and started in the text box the next day. Continued in wee hrs this morning where I could have the words counted. Took an age.

In the process of trying to select all ended up with the opening top line 😅

Slacked off but beasties not having that one. Hence the laugh above…….. Beasty 0- Deebi 1.

Just whispering in your ear that it’s really annoying aye 😠

I’ll see you soon with another attempt.

Sending warmth love care support and a nice cool 🫖 cuppa tea only cause it’d be horribly hot in your neck of the woods 🍭