Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello there Deebi,

I just thought I'd mention that sometimes you can recover typing that you have accidentally deleted. If you go the "Edit" option at the top of the screen and click on it there can be an option that says something like "Undo typing" which actually reinstates what was just removed (I know it's confusing that it says "Undo"). I don't know what kind of computer system you have so it may be different on your computer, but sometimes all is not lost even though it seems like it. But, yes, these things can be very frustrating 😩 I'm glad Deebi won against Beasty 💪

Hugs 🤗

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello Eagle Ray, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and all…

Thank you for the hug ER, and your support Deebi..🤗♥️🦋..

I told my youngest son a little about what’s going on with me….not not my eldest…the reasons being, my youngest son is like me…calm and takes each day as it comes…my eldest son trying to get me to sell my home, buy a caravan and live in his back yard, which I don’t want so if he knew I was fighting pulmonary fibrosis as well as my heart disease (which he knows about) he might get more insistent which is a trigger for my ptsd....My thinking is if I sell my house and buy a caravan then my youngest son will get nothing from me when I do pass away….That’s so not fair….houses in my town sell for very low prices…

I have a Drs appointment 2nd  March…2 days before my birthday hopefully she can recommend or prescribe something for the left over nerve pain I’m feeling,  that doesn’t interfere with my other meds, like the last one did…I don’t like asking for help, others are so much worse off then I am…I am getting old now, lived my life the best I could, raised my sons to be good and kind men, so I done what I was supposed to do…letting things run their  course is okay with me now…..I’m tired now..and want a rest from any type of pain…

A mouse forced me to get up and clean my laundry, had to move out my fridge and the freezer, I found the hole they were getting in, I tried to fix it but doubt very much I did because it was/is inside the laundry tub….in a way I’m grateful for that little mouse because it got me moving my body a bit instead of just sitting/laying around…such a bad and lazy habit I’ve developed while being not well…

I need to go now, my fur girls are looking at me and I’m sure if they could talk they would be saying…it’s dinner time…so I’ll get them sorted out..

Hope everyone is doing better then okay..

Hugs, love and care everyone..🤗♥️🌸..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy….(still pinned on my slipper Deebi)..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy, Deebi and All 🤗

I'm glad one of your sons knows a little about it Grandy. I understand you not wanting the other son to know if it will lead him to pressuring you into moving from your house into a caravan at his place, if you don't want to do that. I imagine he is just being really protective because he cares so much, but I also get that you don't want to feel that pressure. I would think that if you do sell your house at some stage, even if you did move to one of your son's places, you would still be able to leave whatever you get for the house to both of them, unless of course you spend the money, which you are entitled to as it is yours. But I get you wanting to stay where you are with your fur girls in your own home.

I do hope the doctor has some ideas for the nerve pain. Nerve pain really can be one of the worst kinds. Late last year I saw an occupational therapist for nerve pain for carpel tunnel syndrome and I found that helpful. I now have splints for my arms which especially help with the pain at night. The OT gave me some good exercises too and did some helpful massage on the area. So sometimes there are also some options apart from medication that can help too. I know cost can be a factor with accessing some forms of therapy though. I have also found something called Bowen Therapy very helpful for the nervous system. It is very subtle and non-invasive, just involving very subtle adjustments to the fascia (connective tissue). So there could be a few other options out there.

I had mice here when I first moved in. I tried something I read about which was to put cotton wool soaked in clove oil near where I thought mice were getting in. It was actually quite effective. I haven't had any mice in the house since then, though the neighbour getting a cat may have helped.

I know things are really tough at the moment Grandy but we are here for you whenever you want to chat or offload how you are feeling.

Take good care with hugs to you and pats to your fur girls 🤗🐶💖

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 just about to work more on the post to you so just a quicky to Eagle lovey thanks so much I just read your caring informative compassionate post to Grandy and going to look for that edit. Ohhh how good would that be if I can do it. 

I’ll try to remember to let you know either way 🌸

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Eagle 🦅 and all 😊

Sweet lady thanks for the apology. As Eagle said it’s completely understandable with the load your carrying atm. It’s GREAT seeing you if only virtually and knowing how you’re going darlin 🤗

SO good hearing the shingles have overall backed off. Ugh but not entirely. Mongrel area that we use so often daily. Feel for ya huns.
Another blow Grandy I know you so dearly want to visit the boys. Let’s hope this delay isn’t for too long lovey.

I had a quick squiz about club fingers. Pfft. I hope there’s not pain associated.
Was wondering if it’s becoming more difficult to post. If so no doubt there’s choices of aids out there. Or ? an option on your device for voice to text.

It really is hard work for many people ageing isn’t it.
Adjusting to loss of abilities that use to bevautomatic. Pain’s so hard. Learning different ways of doing simple tasks can be rewarding tho challenging.

Ah Grandy loneliness is a very hard place to be 🤗 If thoughts were company you’d never be alone.

What a shame about the kiosk. Good hearing it’s on hold tho. SO proud of you finding that option.

 It’s enoughone thing trying to adjust and cope with a single issue let alone so many.
When the shingles completely subside you’ll have some more freedom as well as of course relief. Hold onto that sweet it’s a slither of light

Grandy in a recent convo re depression I spoke about talking out loud to ourselves about how we’re feeling.
So we hear that. Then replying as if someone had said it to us which apart from an outlet could stimulate problem solving.

She recently read an article about a ? country that maybe at dinner time always openly without judgement speak about how they’re feeling.
That country has very good mental health. Hope 🌱

Good sitting outside. You pushed through Grandy well done.

Huns how you’re feeling inside and out atm while you’re working through so much It’s no wonder there’s not happies yet.
A change of scenery fresh air and if not the cows the memories can help a little. It’ll come back in time Grandy

Would have been hard talking to one of the boys. Hym tricky with the other one.
Home’s where you feel safe. Your decision Darling. Beautiful him wanting to look after you 💗

Ok dear friend I’m not letting go of your hand 🤝. Never forget you have many people in your life that love and care about you. Me too big time🦋🫶👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌸🧚‍♀️

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all 🙂

Darlin girl you’ve been as always no end in my mind. Awe Huns sorry I intended to be here to have some of our magical virtual fun with a get together with any of our lovelies that might like to join BUT howzabout a belated birthday further down the track. We haven’t done much fantasy for a bit it might give a lift to escape for a while.

There’s been a lot going on here some not great but also good. I thought of you on the day lovely fully intending to birthday you. I do hope you had a peaceful day and heard from the boys 🤗🫶

Dearly wishing lovey that the shingles is starting to ease off. Yours is a shocker of a place. Just heard today someone had it in the eye. My heart goes out to anyone with that wicked pain. Pfft

I’m glad you shared your stinkin diagnosis 😢with your son. Before I go further just want you to know beautiful bbff that I’m trying not to add sadness to your rotten situation about how I feel which is gutted in a nutshell. I’m with you darlin 🤝
Btt-back to topic. I honestly can see how difficult it would be esp re stirring up PTSD from telling the other son lovey. Without meaning to add another hard layer on your decision sweet I’m thinking potentially he might feel anger and hurt not knowing earlier.
You’re in a hard place on that one. Do u think down the track you’d tell him?

So recently you saw the Dr. Hoping that went ok and thank you for your updates too it’s good knowing where you’re at.
Grandy do you have pain and is your breathing harder? I’ll try not to bombard with more questions 💗

It wouldn’t be easy I imagine at all but good on you where you’re at which sounds like acceptance with your diagnosis. You’ve sure had a mighty haul in your life that I know of let alone what I imagine you hold back. Shaking head it’s just not fair especially for such a lovely soul.

When we’re crook it’s so difficult to get the oomph to do things. Good onya lil Mousey. And to you too recognising a good out of a not good situation. I think about the plague before, I guess that would’ve been an uh oh. I think they’re cute but yeah a nuisance.

Okay sweet darlin. Much love always 💜🍧🍓🥳🫖. Loven it’s still pinned on your slipper 😄 we have so many amazing memories don’t we. It’s varied in so many ways. Great friendship Mrs Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🦄🐥🪽🌈🥂🎂🍧

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone….🤗♥️..

Thank you so much for belated Birthday, it means a lot to me…both my sons rang me and wished me Happy Birthday…which I am grateful for, I mean I’ll only turn 70 once 😂..my neighbour called me over hers for lunch and gifted me a heart shaped box of Ferraro chocolates …and her son bought me a chocolate mud cake, I had a nice day…my closest friend here in my town Betty didn’t remember, so I didn’t mention  it being my birthday, when she rang me later that  day…

Deebi, I get tired very easily, breathless at times and feeling pains in my chest mostly when I’m laying down….first couple of times it happened I felt frightened but I’ve learned to deep breathe and relax…Did you know if you raise you arms over your head. It opens and expands  the lungs out a lot…making breathing easier….Hmm maybe I should become a Dr 👩‍⚕️ …Still getting shingles pain,  still got the ugly purple rash….Dr said I have developed Postherpetic neuralgia, long term nerve pain….but it does heal eventually just not sure how long until it does….Thank goodness otc pain relief and anti inflammatory meds are working most times…I probably rattle when I walk with so many meds in my belly 😂😂..I’m going to gently urge everyone that’s reading here and is of the right age to please, have the free shingles vaccination….believe me, you do not want to get shingles…

Yes, I’ve accepted my diagnosis, it could have been worse , more sinister then Pulmonary Fibrosis…its a disease that although cannot be cured it can hopefully be slowed down a bit….depending on how quickly it’s growing…won’t know for another 5 months until my ct scan is done to compare results…

Yeah, I’ll tell my eldest son when I feel ready

to, just now, I’m not in the mindset to protect myself from what I know will be constant insistence to sell up here and move down their….I will crumble quickly, never could and probably never will be able to not cave in and just do what I want to do in peace…better if I not tell him for a while…I love him so much, love my dil and grandchildren but for now I can take care of myself and my fur girls and I like living here…Where else do you get stopped on a main road by a big herd of cows, few working dogs and some farmers while coming home from the shops 🐄🐄🐄😂😂😂..

Love, hugs and care everyone…♥️🤗🌹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dearest Grandy,

Happy 70th birthday lass... I wish I could give you birthday hugs in rl.  

How sweet of your neighbour & her son to remember your birthday... I think back to when she was so prickly & not really friendly & it is so lovely how over these past few years you have managed to get past that & get her to trust you.  

Well I have learned something from Dr Grandy... I didn't know raising your arms over your head made breathing easier... I would have to do it laying down as I don't have the oomph to raise my arms for long.   

"Where else do you get stopped on a main road by a big herd of cows, few working dogs and some farmers while coming home from the shops"   answer - here!!!  I get stopped this way quite a few times a year by the farmer further up my road & I think it is one of the joys of living where we do.  I especially love it when there are little calves in the herd. 

I so understand why you want to remain in your home with your furs, I'm glad you have been able to tell your younger son something of what you are going through & he is accepting of your choices.  It is hard when our loved ones want to help so much that they don't listen to our wishes, so your not feeling you are ready to tell your older son is understandable.

Big 🐻🤗

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws and everyone….👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗♥️..

Thank you Paws for Happy Birthday….I very much appreciate it..especially the hug🤗..

Yes, your right Paws, I haven’t told eldest son yet….he is dealing with a lot right now and I don’t need him to fuss over me, when I’m capable of looking after myself….

My neighbour has changed a bit…she is still very controlling, I learned to close myself off throughout my life as a form of protection….and I can do that now with her….She has always had a kind heart but to loud and her constant swearing and controlling talk and ways frightened me for a few years….I’m better able to manage around her….

Oh, you’re lucky as well, isn’t it so good to just sit on a country highway, No bipping traffic and watch how those dogs work, unbelievable the way their trained….not to mention the cows…had to stop for sheep once, they are more unpredictable then cows are….

Paws, I’m the same, although Bilateral frozen shoulders have healed my shoulders are very weak, so putting your hands on your head for 10-15 seconds has the same effect…

My youngest was very sad and very emotional when I told him….but I explained to him…that we can’t escape leaving this world, some people go instantly and don’t get to say goodbye to there loved ones…. I’ve been blessed because I can…some people don’t reach old age and leave early…heartbreaking that happens to very young people….I have time to do what I want to do…once treatments start (if it can be treated safely) it could go good for me…only time will tell…( bit of rambling their) 😂..

I’m having trouble going to bed again, don’t know why this happens but I get afraid of my bed…sounds silly but it’s a real fear...been sleeping on the lounge now for a few days…I will get ready for bed, walk into my room start to get into bed, then get all shaky and clammy then I have to leave the room…its happened before and can last for weeks or months…not getting much sleep on my lounge…I feel bodily and mentally tired…Talked to my counsellor about this before but we couldn’t work out why this happens….

I hope everyone had a good day today and an even better day tomorrow…

Sending my love, hugs and care ito you all..♥️🤗🦋🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

First off please accept a late ✨Happy Birthday🎈

I think that walls, rooms, houses and some furniture seem to have memories inside them which can bring things back. I was frightened of going to bed and would mainly fall asleep in an armchair. My reason was fear of nightmares, other people have other reasons -something horrible may have happened in a bed, or maybe they received bad news there or ... well the list goes on and on. It did not have ot be the same bed, it was the fear.

I can't guess why you get that reaction, my only suggestion is maybe it is something to do with the past and radically altering  the appearance or position of the bed may help. Different colored sheets and pillows, having the head at the other end or anything else you can think of may perhaps assist.

Flippers crossed

Croix