Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Grandy,

Isn’t it lovely to see your cherub avatar grace our screens? That being said, I feel perhaps take your time with things... you can talk when you’re ready as Mandy said. There’s no rush...gentle and easy does it...

Much love, comfort and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee, Amanda, Pepper and all,

My young brother turned up today....around lunch time I was in bed...and so shocked and surprised but not really wanting any company today, but after a few minutes I was so happy to see him....He said he was concerned for me and had to come and talk to me in person.....He lives a 8-9 hour drive from me.....I have so much love and huge respect for him...Such an unexpected, he is going home very early Saturday morning, he can’t stay long, he has to get back to his friend who is to be released from hospital on Sunday that he’s carer for..

I can’t pull the wool over my brothers eyes, he knows me very well, and said he knew I wasn’t well and next time to tell him as it is...so he said he needed to come down and talk to me, well talk he has and he got me talking as well...


I know what older brother wants, and I just cannot give him what he’s looking for..... My younger brother has......I just can’t,




I will be back later to reply to all of you....


Love and hugs to everyone...💜🤗...




Deebi, please be okay always...love you my dear friend....💜🦄👼..Will stay at your tonight...




Grandy....

[startingnew]

Big Hugs little angel

Sitting with you and offerring a hand to hold

xoxoxoxoxo

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely Grandy,

Oh wowwwwww oh my goodness 🤗🤗🤗.

Supporting and sitting with you my/our dear friend.

🤗🤗❤❤👭🌹

Lee xx

[Lee lee 73]

Grandy,

.....sorry hon...me again 🙃. ... your news has even put a spring in my step.....so happy for you beautiful lady 🤗🤗😍😍

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (waves to all),

Your younger brother sounds like a really beautiful person who genuinely wants the best for you (and shows it).

He seems to really understand you, and senses the pain that you try to hide...I feel it’s so special to share such a deep bond.

I’m so glad he has you talking. I feel that’s a sign of trust. I think you seem to trust him and trust that you can lean on him for support. That’s a real blessing...

Love, care and comfort,

Peppy xoxo

[Guest8901]

Dearest Grandy,

Firstly ... I am so happy that your younger brother has come to visit. Such a lovely surprise for you. Its very clear that you and he are quite close. Such a shame its only for a few days, but those few days are important for you I think. To have someone physically there with you right now is much needed, and I am so pleased that he was intuitive enough to know that.

Its a good thing that you have been able to talk to your younger brother Grandy. I hope it may help you to release some of your long held feelings of guilt, fear, shame, etc, etc. I know there are many feelings and emotions involved, and the majority are very unfair to you. Being able to talk about things will often result in being able to repack things back into your mind in a far clearer, and less critical, manner. I hope this is the case for you.

From the little you said about what your older brother wants, it sounds as though he is seeking forgiveness. I can fully understand why you are not able to provide that. There are people who are able to bring themselves to do so, and I feel sure they are better off for it. But there are others, and I put myself in that category, who are not able to. I dont know what the answer is, but it is something I wish to discuss with my psychologist in future.

I hope you manage to have a lovely day spending time with your younger brother today. He has a long drive home tomorrow. I think you will miss him when he leaves, after this unexpected and timely visit.

Enjoy your day Grandy. I will be thinking of you. Hi also to Deebi, Lee Lee, Pepper, Birdy and SN. 🌺

Amanda 🤗🌹

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy hi Mandy and everyone

I'm so happy for you that your lovely brother came to, he sounds like someone good in your hard life that you so deserve.

I imagine or hope you're feeling an immense relief unloading some of your pain.

Love and care very much about you Grandy just thought I'd mention that in case you didn't know ☺💑💜🤝🦄

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Lee, Peppy, and all...

Thank you for your continued and caring suggestions, I do really appreciate every single word you say to me...

I am finding it difficult to put my gratitude to all of you into words..from my deep in my heart n soul thank you..

Its just me at home no one to talk to, I don’t want to put this always on my brother ...I could never tell my sons as I would rather die first then them know of my shame...plus that is another story,.... it’s very hard to think of anything except what’s causing the pain and hurt that I’m feeling, doing it alone in r/l is so very hard, but I have learnt how to vault things away and forget them until triggered..older brother triggered me big time with his phone call...

Listening to you all talking to me...is what gives me the strength to start to pull myself out of my triggered downer. as psychologist visits are rare and well I have no one here to talk too...Betty is elderly and doesn’t need my problems as well as her own.....What I’m trying to say is without you all in my life I don’t think I would be here....I value you all more then you all could ever imagine...

My brother and I talked about our horrid childhood, we got a lot out, about the jug cord, the neglect we went through, the daily beltings, me being locked in room for days somes...me talking the blame for everything, while older brother was loved, cared for, we were not....but I couldn’t talk to him about what my older brother done to me, oh he knows about once maybe twice but doesn’t know how long it went for or other things that happened because of it...no that’s my shame..These I cannot talk even to my psychologist about...makes me hate me so much that I want to end my existence....I had it all vaulted away, until he rang me....then everything just came pouring back into my thoughts.....I’m trying now to revault it and to forget..I asked my younger brother, please until he returns home to not talk anymore about it..I want to have some happy memories of this visit....

Yes Amanda he want me to forgive him...I just cannot do that because I believe that his abuse towards to me shaped my life, to a life that I wouldn’t wish on anyone ever..... My younger brother says I should forgive him so I can move on...I can’t and my yb he doesn’t understand why...

I am okay...so please do not worry about me...

Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Sweet dear Grandy 🤗Hi lovely ones 🖐

You could easily have emerged from your horrific life a bitter nasty angry lady. But you're a kind caring compassionate loving soul and much more. For that you're the winner. You're so much stronger than them, you remained a beautiful person.
For that you can be proud. For many reasons including that you have my respect

I hear that forgiving people is the way towards release and peace. Maybe I need attitude readjusting but I completely understand you. Imo why should they be let off the hook for hurting someone intentionally. I can move on but forget nah. I think it'd be possible with help to remove the pain associated which is a way of moving on. I can continue friendship even love but nah. Hear you Grandy and mines nowhere near your cruelty.

It's hard being alone in deep pain but then many have someone who doesn't understand or care at least we get it 😅 Maybe if we talk our pain out loud Grandy it could be some release and work on self talk. I've been doing that it helps. Logical thought.

Vaulting pain locks stress in that's dangerous. It would be hard talking about it. Do you feel you could in little bits on paper and maybe email them. In writing it could free your pain a little. Then talk when you're up to it later

Think tomoz yb goes back to his unwell friend. Solid love and security for you, lock that in memory honey

Pains seeing you hurting. Glad now you've got loving people 😍 and past and present friends in rl that see you for your worth and care deeply 🤗 impossible not to

Hoping you'll feel more rested and settled now darling lady 😚

Love goes deep for you my Grandy 💜💑🤝🐕🐶😸😸😆