Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

I have just ready your story about helping your neighbour, that was a beautiful story.

Do you get to spend time with her animals on other occasions? I'm wondering if it maybe possible for you to take one of the dogs for a walk? I know I asked this of my neighbours and they declined though.

Hope you are able to remember the lovely sensation of how refreshing the shower was Grandy and you are able to have another one soon!

Wishing everyone here a good day.

Cheers from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Mrs Dools 🌷..and everyone...🤗..

Cala..Thank you so much for your visit..I like helping people when I can... I usually shower each day or second day..but have had difficulty in doing so the last month or so...Silly I know but I was scared to shower..memories can be a big deterrent to do things we know we must...I hope you’re days are better for you dear Cala..

Mrs Dools...Thank you so much for your visit..unfortunately I can’t walk even my 2 fur babies..I find it very hard and feel so vulnerable when I walk on my own...I don’t see the chickens or ducks much..unless I stand on a chair in my backyard...She did call me over to see her baby chickens, when they were only a day old...So cute..I hope you are feeling some what stronger within your lovely soul...

Deebi....Thank you for your lovely post...I know how much she loves her chickens, ducks and her two little fur babies. Mrs C. took the dog from her son because he can’t care for it anymore..It got out today breaking the screen door...I was on the veranda and went out to help her...I’m very afraid that Zeus is too strong for her to handle..It took both of us to get him inside, we used all our muscle 💪power and we were both puffing so much..

Okay..HB pencil ✏️, rubber maybe x 8...and strong paper..I have them all....I haven’t started yet but will..

Bit sad 😔 I can’t see the cows..I’ve got a good pair of wire cutters...maybe we can sneak in at midnight and free them into the front paddock....

Thats okay about talking at yours....Take your time...only when you feel up it...Sleep as much as you need...hands on hips...foot tapping... 1am..hmm..Maybe try hard dear bbff to set a time each night to sleep....Maybe around 10:30 - 11:00pm..So your body gets the rest it needs to keep you strong both in mind and body..☺️..Love you dearest bbff..sss..Bpaly...💜🍫🍫..I’ve heated the chocolates so you can drink them with a straw..yummy...Oh the marshmallows are nearly ready...

I hope everyone has a good sleep tonight and wake up fresh to start our new given day..

My love, care and hugs everyone...💜🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱..🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Love you big time Mrs Grandy 🤗😚

Always 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝

Thanks understanding honey I'll be back sweets off to bed now. So 😴 hope you're sleeping well esp after your work out with the big boy yesterday and today and fencing.

Talented aren't you Jill of all trades.

Been meaning to apologise for poor timing with that mucking around remedy icky drink to fix you. Geeps I thought afterwards good on ya Deebi 🤗 sowwy darlin 😔🙃 Great bbff make you sick all over again 😁 charmed I'm sure. Looks like my nursing 👩‍🔬 skills need a brush up

Oh baby now that does sound like a plan. Ok midnights 🕞 pm...te he 😜the word.

Tip toe 💃... 🥁...through the tulips 🌷...uh oh...big boy Malamute we looked it up yikes 😨 is bounding towards us and barking... 🏃‍♀️ this is me running away..um to get Mrs Crankys help of course 🙄😁 yeh ..like I could run 😆

Cya tomoz lovey you're sounding brighter? Hope so 🤗

Nigh nite beautiful/s ☺😚

Eva 👩‍❤️‍👩 bbff 💜🤗

Winsey bit earlier and good day sleep huns but yip whacked 💗⚘

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy and Deebi, and all reading,

I like the idea of liberating the cows to a closer paddock so you can see them Grandy! I sometimes think I would like to own some critters other than a cat that has never enjoyed sitting on our laps or having a pat.

Hope you have a lot of contact with your dogs Grandy. Sorry to read you are unable to take them out walking as you feel so vulnerable. Dogs seem to me like they are so full of love for people.

When we lived in the city we had wonderful neighbours. Here in the country, they don't even say hello. This town seems to have a very closed community. It is sad.

Nice places close by to go walking though! It is lovely to see the changing seasons.

Hope your day goes okay ladies!

Cheers from Dools

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Hopefully the farmer will rotate the cows to the nearer paddock soon.

You are an angel helping to make a fence to keep Zeus out from the chickens. Mrs C must have been feeling very overwhelmed until you came over to help her. How lovely you got a cuddle from Zeus after all your work, he sounds like a big softy. Unfortunately he will be naughty being a puppy still, (which can be hard to remember given his size). Taking him on was very kind of her, but like you I wonder if he might be to much for her to handle.

Ummm drawing trees....this could be embarrassing.....given my drawing skill is at stick people level..... I might need to borrow your rubbers 😁

I'm afraid I've given up on the mindfulness course. It might suit some people, but I was finding listening to their lectures just more & more annoying. They just seemed to talk in circles, but maybe that was just me.

I hope your muscles aren't to achy after all your labours. Though I'm thinking that would be a good excuse to have a soak in a bubble bath with some epsom salts.

Stay warm lass

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Mrs Dools🌷, Paw 🐾 and all...🤗.

Thank you for your caring posts...I appreciate them more then you’ll know..

Mrs Dools....Country villages and towns are so not friendly to city people or strangers moving into their tightly knit community.....which is really sad..I have that problem in my village as well...If they would give us a chance to join in their groups they might change their minds...They are too quick to judge anyone from the city..

Paws...The cows wandered down this afternoon to behind the shed they have their, I could only see the tops of their backs...hopefully they will come closer...so I can watch them....I can’t draw trees mine looks like a stick with fairy floss stuck on top...😂...Just trying to draw for distraction..

Deebi...Please don’t apologise Deebi...You’ve said nothing wrong..I thought the drink was a good use of you imagination..I’m sleeping okay, trying to keep to routine..thank you dearest bbff...Love you bbff..Maybe we can work out a time that your comfortable with Going night to bed...it really gives us some extra strength..

I went over to Mrs.C yesterday to borrow her lawn mower..she asked me to hold Zeus by his collar while she went in the shed to get it...Zeus growled teeth showing and snapped at me...I’m afraid of him now..He done the same yesterday to Mrs. C...Getting an older puppy (9 months)..is not good...especially a big dog, because we don’t know their character or how they have been raised...

Psychologist rang yesterday, and after talking and the K9 test..she decided that she doesn’t want to stir up my past and said she will help me with changing my way of thinking and leave my trauma area to Victims Services as they are more qualified and specialise in DV physical and sexual abuse.

Hmm I need to ring them to make an appointment soon,...,just hard knowing that I’ll be going back through and talking about my trauma...Will ring them because my Dr. Filled out all the forms to get me into the program..

Love and care Deeply dearest bbff...💕🦄💜🦋🤗🧸..💭 thoughts daily and 🤝👂👀..always..

My care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🧸🌹💕🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Doolsy Paws and all other lovelies ☺

Sweetyheart hiya 😀 I've been meaning to get back to you about Betty.
Ahh darlin I'd feel the same 🤗 and so hard when you would/have done anything for her.
Honeyheart I hope later you find out a reason about the mower. Worse time for something like that to happen.

You've been very good friends for a long time I hope you remain close. It flashed through my mind too, dear Mr Deebi said so nicely some people worry if they lend things that they might get damaged.
If it was though it'd be good if she said though.
Are you ok about that?

Oh no that's not at all sounding good about Zeus.
Geez Grandy it biting you and Mrs C crikey. Seems he hasn't had any training. Good points you said.
I hope she can get him to someone that can train and handle the big fella.

I'm so pleased the psych called and it seems a good call not going into that and leaving for the victim services therapy.
I've thought a lot about it darl and have been hoping you'll have someone to talk to (of course here but there as well) but figured they'd have that covered or maybe you stay there

It's so good you're getting the help you need.
It would be hard knowing how it'll be 🤗
Huns we'll be here right with you 🤝 always by your side precious friend to many.

I have high faith in that they know what they're doing and how people are going through it. They'll look after you gorgeous as we will too ☺😚.
I'm confident beautiful that you'll be way better equipped to handle and free those mongrel demons bit by bit.

Good on you having some housework plans yesterday.
Very hard coming down to do much. It's satisfying doing things esp if its been ages waiting.

Well done with the shower you dear love how awful that would have been with horrible damned memories.
I bet you felt good during and after.

Thanks darls for being ok about my ill timed mucking around you're a good person.

Seem to get very erratic sleeping hrs through BP but am talking with the dear love 😍 about bedding earlier. Thanks hun ☺

I'm glad Paws has stopped the mindfulness cause I was a bit guilty not joining in its such a good idea but sounded a bit average, that one anyway.

Heaps of love beautiful Grandy. Always with you in spirit soul sister. You're such a great friend. PubAok honey get plenty more good rest darlin please and your full strength back up.

Nigh night everyone ☺🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🏋️‍♀️🤝😍🤗👀👂💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗..

I’ts okay about Betty not wanting to lend me her mower..I still love and care for her a lot...I hate asking to borrow other people’s things, just in case something breaks on it...Again I got really sick while I was mowing my lawn..bright red skin on my arms and face, I had to stop twice this time to vomit and get my breath...I wasn’t sure what was causing it..but the council put out a warning not to touch those new weeds popping up..they are poisonous...I have tried several weed sprays, vinegar and dishwashing detergent and I think they all made them grow faster😂...Have rang around and no one will come out this far to spray them..not even the council..okay I’ll have to deal with them myself...

Victims services has made a face to face appointment with me on the 18th June...it begins again... I’ll try to be as strong as I can be...disclosure is hard..

Mrs. C has been banging tin etc..Zeus must have got through something out in her yard..She has him tied up today out back..and he is crying and barking all day..it’s awful to hear..I had to get away from his cry’s..so I starting heading to town..went down a dirt road and found a secluded spot i just sat their for a few hours...I’m home now...I know I should help her..and I feel bad/guilty that I’m not..I just can’t seem to get myself to go over their..The dog has scared me..

Good girl talking to Mr. D about bedding earlier..I learnt that when our body clock goes out of control...it is another food that Beasty dines on to make it stronger, because lack of sleep weakens our own strength enough for Beasty to take more control of our thoughts..

Please look after yourself bbff..Deep Love My sss...bbff..🦋💜🧸🤗..💭👀🤝👂.

Love, hugs and my kind thoughts to everyone..💜🤗🌹🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🕊🌱..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I know how distressing it is listening to a dog howl & bark. Well done managing to take a walk to give yourself a break from it. Lass I think it's very sensible of you to be wary of Zeus after he snapped at both you & Mrs C. Having said that a dog that growls/snaps is saying I'm scared/uncomfortable please leave me alone, it does not mean he is vicious. However he does need quality training to teach him he doesn't need to defend himself as his human will defend him.

Though I've not dealt with them myself there are a few Malamute rescue/rehome groups in NSW. Mrs C could google "malamute rescue Australia" get their contact details & see if they will take Zeus & rehome him with someone better suited to owning a malamute. I think her heart was in the right place, but keeping him tied up isn't fair for him, he needs someone able to put the effort needed to train him. A breed specific rescue is usually better placed to successfully rehome a dog as they have a better understanding of what that breed needs.

Hope this helps a little

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾,.....waves 👋 Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and all...🤗..

Thank you so much Paws, your post is very helpful..and agree that Zeus needs to be trained..at least enough to know sit, stay and no...

I think that Zeus is missing his other family..Mrs. C..will never give Zeus away...If Mrs C. did give it away, it would mean that she made a wrong choice...and Mrs. C never makes wrong choices...He stays inside mostly it’s just that today she had him tied up out back while she was fixing what ever she was...as she doesn’t trust him with her 2 other little fur babies...Him crying like that made me so sad...She took him inside with her when she finished....No one out here will put up with a dog constantly tied up and crying, howling etc..It’s a very small village and it would annoy everyone this side (my side) of the highway...

No I don’t think he is vicious, just missing his first mummy and daddy and the children...Big adjustment for poor Zeus..his heart has probably been broken...and now he has to find his place in a new home...Mrs C is getting him the operation to become sterile new week...

I really hope things work out the way Mrs C wants them too....I think for now, that it should be just her, her two little furs and Zeus until everyone settles in....when she asks me for coffee I’ll will try to go over again..

Love, care and hugs everyone...💜🦋🤗..

kisses and cuddling hugs for Woofa..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...