Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone...🤗..

Thank you for your kind posts..they always are very helpful..

Deebi..Yes I do feel I need to do things to be here..living...

Yesterday, Mrs Cranky, rang me and told me she had a coffee ready if I wanted to come over...I did..while I was their she asked me to watch her dogs for her as she is going to her sons place to pick up his dog..as he can’t care for it anymore....Of course I said I would love too...It’s only overnight..Her dogs are staying at hers...I’ll go over and play with them before night falls....and check their water, food etc...

Yes Deebi....I feel that unless I do things..I have no right to be here...This 6 years I’ve done nothing much at all... 6 years ago, I was always doing something for someone....or working...it made sense to be alive...I mean by doing something for people, whether, our children, spouse, friends, family or strangers...Idk... how to explain it....I feel I need to do things to pay for me being alive...it’s so hard to explain..I don’t know how to word my thoughts..

Not sure how I feel about Victims services..Opening up again is going to be so hard...It’s so easy to re-live the emotional/physical hurt I went through..Talking about it always brings me down, and to tears..even here..behind the screen many tears falls when I talk about it...PTSD is like walking on egg shells daily...knowing my triggers and trying to avoid them..Its their through words, actions, cleaning my house, people shouting or arguing..people walking behind me....This part of me needs help....Can they help me...or will they stir it all up like the other psychologists I’ve had..then just leave me like the others did...I will break, if that’s done to me again..

My mower doesn’t work..I asked Betty if I could borrow hers..she said no..I was hurt by her answer..I thought we were friends..Mrs Cranky said a few days ago..when she heard me trying to start mine and couldn’t...That I can borrow hers..when she gets back from Sydney...I would give Betty anything she needs..without even thinking about it....Betty has her lawns mowed by a Centrelink contractor and doesn’t use her mower much at all....She has upset me..I’m confused now towards our friendship..It would have only been a few hours that I needed to borrow it for..

Love grows in friendship daily...💜🦋🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🦄👼..Deebi..

My care, love and hugs to everyone....🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy & all,

Before therapy I'd let them know your concerns Grandy. Let them know what happened last time with the psychologists and explain that you won't be able to handle that again and see what they say. I'd hate for you to break again. That wouldn't be pleasant. Therapy should help, not hinder.

Betty is a bit of a slacker. Some ppl r funny about lending their things to others. At the end of the day it's just a mower and I don't understand why she wouldn't let u use it. You could ask her why?

I'm also guilty of not doing a lot especially since being on job keeper. I'm ok with it though for some reason. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself afterall we all have to retire eventually. You have your mental health to contend with as well which is a challenge within itself.

I hope you have an ok day today Grandy,

Lots of love,
🐒 Monkey.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy,

On mine U said U got the approval letter from the victim service.

Hopefully they are professional. I think they could be.

I would only want you to benefit from it and not go backwards.

It might be worth a shot.

You would b the best person to know though whether it will b of benefit. Sometimes we are surprised and it feels really good to release what we are carrying. It could be cathartic. I hope so anyway.

Good luck with it and let us know how you go.

[Ggrand]

Hi Magic...🤗.

Yes they are supposed to be professionals...Its been set up by the Australian government to help work with people who are struggling with PTSD due to crime...sexual, physical abuse....I hope so much that these psychiatrists and psychologists can help me....

I will give it all I have to give this the best chance I can for me to heal....I am scared, I know I will have to re-live it all over again to heal...I just hope I’m strong enough to be able to manage my mh through therapy....It’s a very emotional journey I’m going to be putting myself through again....I hope it’s worth it...

Take care everyone...

My care, love and hugs..💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Sweetyheart there's a few things going on. This is great you're having some people time. Different groups loven this.

Always 👂

Always 💜

Always 👀

Always 🤗

Always 🤝

Really love you Flossy 🤗😚

Beautiful you popping in say goodnight. So loving and tender. Thank you and I'm tucking you in too ☺ there you go nice and warm and relaxed.

Have a beautiful sleep sweets and wake feeling refreshed and ready lovely one.

Sprinkling some awesome dust ☄ and stacks of 🤗 hugs and love 💜👩‍❤️‍👩

Nigh nite darlin and everyone 😊

You're beautiful Mrs Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗..

Thank you for your goodnight wishes and tucking me in....last night..

Mrs Cranky has arrived home with her new dog....I went out to greet them..my goodness her new dog is a Malumute..9 months old and so much energy...I’m a bit concerned about the size of the dog (Zeus)...and the strength he has...I hope it works out well for her...

I heard this big noisey truck this morning...and the paddock gate open....Woo hoo..he has brought some cows in...he put them in the paddock over the back..hopefully they will work their way down to the front so I can make friends with them and watch them.....

Today is sunny...with a gentle breeze blowing...We really haven’t had much day coldness this autumn....I need to clean up my house..I’m so untidy, it’s such a big job to put my empty cup/ plate in the sink sometimes..well most times..If I want a sparkling clean cup..todays the day I need to wash up the dishes 🧼 🧽.........um soon...another cuppa first I think.☕️😁.

Thank you for 👂💜 👀🤗🤝...Love you also bbff...ditto with my 👂💜👀🤗🤝....always...

Hope everyone’s day is a good day...

My love, care and hugs beautiful people..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Yay!!! You have the cows back!! That will be lovely for you after so long. It's only been a week since my neighbour moved his cows from the paddock next door & I'm already missing seeing them & their antics.

I think you might be right being concerned for Mrs Cranky, I hope she realises how much work she will need to put into this dog with training & grooming. They are not a dog that does well being left outside, they need to be indoor with their humans to thrive. Also being very intelligent dogs they need mental stimulation or they can become destructive. Having said that, the breed is known for being very very friendly (hopeless guard dogs).

I know what you mean about running out of cups. I will put my hand up to having the same problem here. I really wish I could just wrinkle my nose like Samantha in bewitched & all the housework would be done.

Pats to your furs & hugs for you

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws...Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all...🤗..

Im so pleased the cows are back..don’t know how many..and I can’t see them..he put them over the back paddock...which I’m sure is fenced off😔..

Neighbours dog is so big and beautiful..after about an hour of her getting home..her chickens and ducks were running around squawking..and I heard Mrs C..yelling at Zeus (new dog)..yep he broke the wire and was chasing them..got a duck..but Mrs C managed to get the duck free...no casualties...He will mainly be an inside dog..but needs to go out back for exercising..

I peeped over the fence and asked if she’s okay..she said yes but I could see tears in her eyes..she said she has to make a new fence before tonight...I told her to let me in and I’ll help her to build it....4 hours later..working with tin, wood for frames..nails and a heavy sledge hammer..the fence was put up...I discovered muscles I’ve not used for years...after a coffee..and a cuddle from Zeus...and her other 2 furs...Mrs C kept thanking me for helping her.....it’s dark now..I went home tired and sore..

I did something that I haven’t been able to for over a month.. I had a shower..the longest shower that my hot water system let me have...I felt clean, smelled nice..and even felt good about myself because I helped her...

Zeus has so much strength..He bit through the lead he had on to keep him tied up until the fence was fixed...It took all my strength and hers to get him back out of the chicken yard...Her other two small fur babies are so scared of Zeus..I hope it works out for her...

I hope everyone had a pleasant day today..isn’t the Autumn weather beautiful throughput the day..

Much love 💕 bbff...RUOK?...with 🧸🤗..and lots of good wishes for you..🦋💚🌹🎀🧸🍫🍫

Much love dear paw 🐾 with some hugs and care...and everyone..💜🤗🦋🕊..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱..🍫🍫🍫

[Speak Your Truth]

Well done Grandy for helping your neighbour with the fence. You are such a giving, caring person 😘🤗 And good on you for the long shower. It feels so great to be clean and smell good doesn’t it. I’m so glad you felt good about yourself and I hope you are relaxed and will sleep long and well tonight 🥱🥱🥱 😴😴 😴 🛌

[demonblaster]

Dearest Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

I'm feeling the universe is stepping up a bit lately in positives darl.
Recently you spoke of being incredibly lonely which has/is been for way too long (wiwyip 😟) It's heartwrenching 🤗

Everything that's happening atm for you is positive now & for ahead I feel.

You've made incredible progress with Mrs C. So kind & hurting yourself 🔊 calling nurse Deebi 👩‍🚀 with the fence. Well done and that you're pleased in yourself YES 👏

Huns someone that helps people like you do here 🤗 & rl when ever you're able esp when your struggling, well don't they earn a right to be living?

With several major MH/MI demons that pull them down beyond imaginable pain including mental torture who doesn't choose to be unable to do things but does, that's a major part of their conditions not someone that doesn't have a right to live.

Hoping in time for you new friends in seeing more people on a more regular basis is great cause its hapoening.

Cool the moos 🐴 maybe we could sneakily help the fence fall down 🛠✂️ on a ✨ evening. Shhh..🕵️‍♀️🤺...if we need more disguises we could camaflouge as trees 🍃🌿🌳🍂🌵

I'm glad you're keen on the drawing. If anyone else is maybe could do a thread. Might anyway. It's release and a communal project. When its done we could Avitar it like you did for Julie. Hope she' looking after you all

I suggest an HB pencil, rubber & strong paper or cardboard so we can rub out or whatever people choose ? paint
When you're ready cause we'll need your help for the description and shape of the tree.

Whoever joins in could input what they want could be a cobweb hanging off a tree limb, stars grass old barn a fence and descriptions for us all and we can all have input on how to

Thank you for asking gorgeous I'm ok mostly. Was struggling a few times yesterday.

I'll try to talk at mine tomoz but have some threads to get back to & needing a lot more sleep.
Talking of its after 1 am so better choof to 😴 land & light your lovely Lavender scented candle ...

Uh oh.. 🤤.. that's one of your chocolate ones isn't it.. and you little sneaky lovely didn't tell me did you ...ahh nooo... it's melting 😭...roight ...outta my way...Excuse me folks...incoming...emergency...🚔🚒 ..where's a straw when you need one.. ahh haa 🍫 goodio... I can suck it up through that one like a Tim tam 😲...see there is hope for happiness & peace 🕊

Bbt darlin lot to talk to you about ☺👩‍❤️‍👩👀🤝 Huge love 😚

👼🕵️‍♂️🤺🍃✨🐶🐩🐴