Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Guest_1584]

Hi grandy , just scooting through thought l'd see how your doin.

l had the same problem going through my marriage break up and couldn't afford the driving but there was no one local.

Once of the doctors was trying to help but it was just a rushed 15mins and no where near enough time but to get somepme , 6 or 8 sessions l think it was , was a pile of way too heavier forms for my mind at the time and still an hours drive anyway.

l'm not sure if they have womens line but it was mensline that got me through. Free calls and some of the counselors were a huge help. They also did a call back thing for 6 x 40min sessions and you could renew it again when they were up and that was also a huge help. All free and no driving, ls there anything like that you can find ?

lt's not as good but it was a big help and better than nothing non the less.

Hope your ok , soldier on , big hug.

rx

[HeyJude]

Hello Grandy - popping in with a warm hello and a big thank you for supporting me on my thread. Means a lot. I left another post this evening. You are such a special, warm and caring person. How wonderful that you rung and spoke to your granddaughter and son! It sure is a great start. So very happy for you.

I read in your post that you are experiencing ringing in your ears, is that tinnitus? I have mild ringing but have become use to it. I have heard sufferers say running water in the background fades out the ringing. Hope this post finds you feeling okay. Thinking of you ❤️🌹🤗

[Lee lee 73]

Hello beautiful Grandy,

Oh my goodness- yes, I totally understand. I'm so sorry. I totally didn't think... at all. I hope it didn't bring you down - having to tell me. I wish I could do so much more for you Grandy - damn this government. We're always here for you beautiful - always 😚😚. You do always try Grandy - that is just one of many qualities I admire in you.

Sending you big warm hugs. I hope you are able to sleep well tonight. Goodnight Grandy. ...and to everyone. ..

🤗🤗❤❤

Lee

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

The money issue does sound very stressful, and sure is unfair. It’s sad that there isn’t more financial assistance available to you to help you see a psych more regularly...

I really admire how determined you are trying to manage your triggers as best you can. The way you try to make the most of everything is truly inspiring to so many here...

Warm hugs to you plus love and gentle comfort...

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, RX,Lee, Jude, Peppy and Everyone..

Thank you all for calling in and your kind words to me....

RX......I checked out womensline, it does exist but it’s for domestic violence only....thank you for thinking of me, I had heard of memsline before and I’m pleased that you were helped by them...

Lee....Its okay...Please don’t be sorry, you weren’t to know..no it didn’t bring me down, most people here on my thread know of my financial situation....I am very grateful that Centrelink is giving me payments fortnightly,...I’ve never been one to want more then basic needs for living.......Thank you for saying you’re always here for me...

Jude....It’s nice to see you here, I was and still am so over the moon I spoke to my granddaughter and my son...I so much want to ring my son again, but I’m not going to push him...Maybe in a few weeks I’ll try again....

Peppy.....Thank you, yes I’m trying really hard to try to recognise triggers before they down me, but unfortunately they take me down without warning...

All....I know deep down in my soul that it’s really up to me to try to fix me the best I can...my psychologist has done nothing like the psychologist do here..I mean I read on other threads about how other people’s psychologist give them homework, teach then cognitive thinking, etc...mine has done nothing except stir up horrid memories and then while I’m in tears...the sessions over and I leave to go home......and then the memories stay with me for so long until I can “hide them in my vault”.. then it’s the same next session.....I need to help me the best way I can....and I’m always open to trying anything at all.....

Deebi.....Thank you for saying that you will never walk away because you love me too much....those words undone me 😢 yesterday....Love you deeply dear Deebi....👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜👼🦄....I feel at times I can be hard work🙇‍♀️..but I really try not to be.☺️.. Beasty can try all [IT] xx. wants to, I don’t think [IT] xx realises how much I want some happies...Today is mine👼, not beasty’s....Today I win....Yay me...Take each day as it comes....

I finished mowing, (3.5 hours)....Deebi, my pram needed feeding 3 times, it was hungry today...so I had 3 rest breaks...😂, wishing my 🚜 worked on grass...

I Hope everyone’s day was a winner.....

Love and hugs... everyone.💜💜🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼....

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy,

I have a spare moment and thought I'd drop by. Been a bit happening for you this past week, while I've been dealing with my own issues.

I think its wonderful you rang your son for his birthday, and even better that you got to have a good chat to your little granddaughter. What a delight! You did the right thing by contacting him, so very well done on that score. I also agree your resolution to wait a few weeks before trying again to talk to son and granddaughter.

Grandy I totally respect your decision to (safely) wean off all ADs. For some people they are just not effective, or side effects outweigh any benefits achieved. Its likely you just happen to be one of those people. Most unfortunate, because I know ADs work wonderfully well for many. I think I am one of the lucky ones, in that I have few if any unpleasant side effects. I'm just not convinced they actually do a great deal for me. My main problem, as with most with PTSD and/or CPTSD, is that of anxiety. My bouts with depression, though deep when they come, are intermittent and tend to be related to other side issues such as physical pain and other things happening in my life. I guess I'm trying to say that I understand you going off the ADs, as I hope to do too once I get myself a little more stable. Yeah I know, I've been saying that for a while now. 😢 But there has also been a lot happening this past year, and I have been convinced to stay on them for the time being. And I will, but my aim is to get by without medication. Ideally we all would all get by without any medication for anything. I am very relieved Grandy that you are doing the weaning process with your psychiatrists knowledge and supervision.

Honestly ... there really is nothing I can say about your psychologist situation. I know we have discussed previously much of what Lee has sensibly and lovingly suggested here. It just seems so unfair that you are left without adequate, or even the most basic, MH support via counsellors, psychologists, etc. Yep ... again, I consider myself incredibly lucky that I have a wonderfully supportive, caring, and also highly qualified and respected clinical psychologist. I dont know where I'd be now, without her. I wish I could send my psych up to you Grandy. I know you'd get along great with her, and you would benefit immensely from her professional advice and care, just as its meant to be. I'd like to say your poor treatment via the MH system is not the norm.

Amanda 💜🤗

[demonblaster]

Hello there precious little Angel 🤗 and y/our lovely friends ☺

Look how strong you are Grandy, I'm so pleased to see this resolve. That's right each day as it comes, you've gotten through SO many really Black times and you're clearly coming through them with more determination. Good on you Grandy.

Wow huge day, maybe I best cook tonight, just let me know what you feel like and the nice warm bubbles are ready when you are, your nighty and slippers are in there...well not in the bath exactly 😅

Oh I just noticed 🍫, might just pick it up in case Destiny and Eternity feel like biting the life out of it. Ebony and Kya I've trained to leave them on my pillow..dear darlings they love me.

😂 pram needing 3 feeds LOL glad you got little breaks hun. Excellent job done good effort darlin. You should sleep like an angel tonight ☺😚

Love you very much dear friend and believe you can do this. Our superglued 🤝 will get us there eh. 🌜👀💑💜🌛hope your bursitis doesn't wake up.

Pubok lovely one 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Amanda, and everyone,

Thank you so very much Amanda for your very helpful post..I’m not good with decisions and just knowing that you think I’m doing the right thing, in speaking agin to my son and coming off the meds, I was confident about my decisions when I wrote that post but have since been questioning myself about them...

Maybe they would work with proper professional help and guidance, I don’t know, then again the side effects I’m not handling very well...especially this latest one of ringing in my ears....both BP and CPTSD downers are incredibly hard to manage, I don’t think the meds made them any easier to do so....Not sure anymore really about anything..My mental Health team has done nothing but confuse me so much..I can’t rely on them when I’m in a downer because they are not always working in the town I see them in...I can’t ring them and see them it takes weeks even months sometimes.. In a way I’ve been on my own trying to manage my mh here in r/l....

I am so very happy for anyone who has good councilling, and getting good help because everyone deserve to be be able to get the best help they can...My situation with my mh team is like everything in my life has been, bad..which enforces my thoughts about me and my life...

I really hope your dad is healing and recovering well and that your mum is also coping better..my heart goes out to you sweetheart with all the things you have to deal with....I’m really sorry your going through all you are..

I hope everyone has a good and restful sleep..

love and hugs..💜🤗🤗..Dearest Amanda..

Deebi Love you.. special friend...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩grandy🦄💜👼...

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi,

Thank you Deebi, determination I’m picking it up from you...you really do help dear friend, I hope I do sleep good tonight, my body is tired but I’m not....my bursitis is good Deebi, was sore but a couple of otc pain relief has done the job there supposed to day...

One day at a time, tomorrow can wait for me to catch up to it, until I do I’m not thinking about it...I/you/Everyone will come out on top one day soon....

Yummy I’m a little tired to cook, how about a very yummy your specialty my favourite grilled toasted cheese, tomatoe with heaps of pepper and a little salt would be so much appreciated, if you cook that I’ll get some watermelon, a bit of mint and blend it up to a nice cold slushy...sounds like a good plan😁..Oh and a bubble bath, sweetheart your spoiling me so much....

Im good Deebi, feeling clear in my head, maybe lawn mowing made beasty run away, [IT] xx doesn’t like hard work...When I was mowing Betty scared me so much, she came up behind me and just said Grandy, well I jumped so high, she said she heard the mower going and thought it was me, and she decided I needed a break.. wow Deebi she tried to take the mower of me so she could finish mowing for me.......I said no way....she brought up some yummy bickies she made...kind of like Anzac biscuits but much yummier....she left after about half hour..love her very much....

Im researching happiness...sounds strange that I have to research to find out about it, but reading our gentle Peppy’s thread got me thinking about happiness and what it really is...

Oh thanks Deebi, your the masteress at dog training, Ebony and Kya would eat them so quickly if they found them and then look at me with those big innocent eyes....You’ve trained them well😁...Destiny and Eternity are also love their chocolate 🍫 so I’m pleased you picked it up..ummm can we share...shhhh...shhh...next time Peppy comes I’ll make sure I have my chocolate magnet with me, and get us one each, and also for Amanda and Lee...but shhh don’t tell her...our little secret...

Deebi, sweetheart, we can and will get on top, beasty is our thoughts only, we have to turn our thoughts around to be positive....Can we do it?.....Yes we can...

Love you dearest friend...💜🦄.Love our time together.

Love and hugs...💜💜💜🤗🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and your caring friends here),

Like everyone else here, I’m also disappointed with how your MH team has treated you, especially your psych. But it definitely says more (and everything) about them, and not you.

Their unprofessional conduct and lack of care provision is on their shoulders, not yours. But the sad part is you’re the one who ends up suffering...sigh, I really wish you had a better professional support team around you.

But I think it’s very admirable that you’re determined to get on top of your mental health, despite so many obstacles. That’s your inner survival instinct and strong spirit showing up...

Is it okay if I ask how is your happiness research going? It did make me smile that my casual musings, inspired by birdy sharing that excerpt, has made you reflect. I hope you find something interesting...

A gentle hug and much love and care...

Peppy xoxo

P.S. A chocolate magnet? Really? I’m onto you...don’t think I don’t know. Lol!