Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee and everyone,

Thank you both for your caring posts,

I did the contact The Australian psychological society for psychologists...The only one in my area is the one I’m seeing now, I was surprised when I seen she is also doing 4 other small town around the central west, now I can see why appointments are so far apart, she is the only one in my area and other areas around here, There is 4 the bigger town that is such a long way from mine that I wouldn’t be able to travel that far, because I am not able to travel so far on my own, they don’t bulk bill and the added cost of fuel to get there I wouldn’t have....

I am okay and will be okay...I know the meds haven’t helped at all with my anxiety...maybe with depression yes the meds have been helping a bit....but in saying that I still go very deep at times, but that’s consistent and the norms with my BP....With my CPTSD The meds hasn’t really helped I still go deep down with a trigger and I feel that’s more the psychologist side that I need to help me with the CPTSD more then meds..I have to try without meds...Since I’ve been on them, I have been getting nightmares, migraines more then before, my heart has been harder to manage, needing extra half of med...I’m getting more anxiety attacks, hypoventalating, insomnia, and now this constant ringing in my ears...These added problems are making it a lot harder to manage together added on to my BP/anxiety/ depression and CPTSD...I need to try without meds I need to get my health back...

Im sorry if I let people down, but I need to try, I will see my psychologist end of next month then the next time if I continue on with her will be next year...I can’t see how so much time between visits is helping me all she does is ask me about my traumas and that’s it then I leave her office in an emotional mess trying to fix me until next time I see her....then the same happens again....She offers no help, no suggestions...She Just keeps asking questions about what I’m trying to forget, bringing it to the surface to be a constant on my mind, bringing me down each visit sometimes for days other times for weeks..It’s doing me more harm then good....

Ughh, I don’t know these are my thoughts, maybe I’m wrong (which I usually am)..but I have to try to get my health back.

Deebi...My heart is not constantly fast now, settles for a few hours then fast for a while then settles again, .I take my last med Saturday night..

love and hugs..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear Mr Croixy 😊
Hold in there budz, right here by your side too
Loven Grandies beautiful care for you and fully agree we're here for you because we care very much. You have my respect
Really very sorry you're doing it hard Croixy.
😄 giggling at Mrs Walrus not keen on her name 😁 please thank her taking such good care of our favourite walrus.


Dear Grandy & hi all ☺
You're never hard work lovey. Opposite you're an Angel with so much pain yet your beautiful heart you touch us with. No way Never! leaving your side, we're 🤝 superglued and you're SO deserving and worthy. Love you too much to ever walk away 🤗💜
I understand where you're coming from with meds. Just take your time darl. Hard when you're seeing psych intermittently. Ahh Grandy, not much around for you is there, I would have thought they could call from wherever. You know you have SO much love care and support here. You're brave and strong. Can't help not worry about you though.
Thanks I saw your other post after I'd posted asking bout your heart. Pubok 😐
Darlin I replied and noted last night to you at mine but hasnt landed yet. I'll keep 👀

Hope the cicadas do choof darl, if it's tinnitis (ringing in ears) it eventually goes as far as I know but can be a while. Poor honey.

I know you'd work hard and tough if they're not happy as you said theres more of them. Hold your head high beautiful lady.

Love you 💑👼🦄👀💗💜

[demonblaster]

😆 see I am doing notes 😂 soz I usually separate them but clearly didnt

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi,

Oh you are so cute..😁...How can one not love you....

Thank you Deebi, your words made me cry, as did Lee’s last night. good tears, not sad ones...I’m really very lucky of your loving and caring friendships....will bbs...my words are trapped atm...💜🤗

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee and all,

Your kind words and super special care done something to me...it made me cry because you made me feel not so alone in my decision...Thank you so very much...

I don’t know what to say....I’m okay..just so overwhelmed with all your love and care for me...kind of embarrassed.......but I’m working on that Deebi😁...

Silly words of mine...They will come back...Thank you everyone for everything.....

Grandy.....

[demonblaster]

😐 aren't we 💑 anymore 😔 you always use to but not anymore

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely Grandy and everyone,

Grandy hon, in regards to a psychologist, I'm sorry, I'm not explaining myself properly. What I meant is there are psychologists who conduct sessions over the phone regardless of where you or they live. For example, the lady from APS provided me with a psychologist who lived in Newcastle NSW who conducts telephone sessions with clients who live anywhere in NSW. This is just one example. I explained 'my friend' (you) lives rurally and has exhausted all avenues locally -looking for a psychologist. She emailed me back with about 5 or 6 names. I don't mean to harp on about it hon, just wanted to try to explain myself better. No need to reply in length lovely lady - just maybe a thumbs up 👍to let me know I'm making sense and we can leave it at that.

I hope your day was good my beautiful friend. Hope you were able to smile 😘😘. You are in my thoughts often Grandy. 🤗🤗🤗🤗.

Wishing you a peaceful evening and sleep.

❤ Lee

[Lee lee 73]

Deebi - so glad you adore my puddy tat pic lovely lady 😊😊.

Lee 🐺🐺❤

[Ggrand]

Awe Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im really really very sorry...😢 Of course we are...💜💜...Sheez I feel bad....Your always in my heart...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Lee,

That’s okay Lee, I know your not harping and I want to thank you for your kindness to me...

My biggest problem is I have no $ to be able to pay for a psychologist...I’m only on Centrelink payments and finding it very difficult to go from fortnight to fortnight with living expenses.. All the telephone or internet psychologist i have been told requires $ for their time....My dr has looked for me previously and couldn’t find a bulk billing one or one that does the mental health care plan...She even looked into Skype but still the same $ are needed...If I was able to travel there are a few psychologists that do the mental health care plan in the bigger town.. but the distance is impossible for me to do and the added cost of extra fuel also is stopping me...

Lee, I want to thank you from deep in my heart for your time and help, as well as your kindness in helping me...

I am going to try to work myself out, I’m feeling okay and I’m being very careful doing, seeing, listening to things that may trigger me....I feel I’m getting a little stronger in managing triggers.. I will try my very hardest and do my very best to hopefully at least find some normal type of living..

Love and hugs. 💜🤗..

Grandy..l