Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely Grandy,

(My finger slipped on the post tab again )

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and want to give you a big warm hug 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗. I hope Ebony and Kya are giving you cuddles 🐶🐶❤❤

Wishing you are ok hon. Are you?

Sending you Lots of deserved love and care beautiful lady.

❤

Lee xx ❤❤😍😍🤗🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Lee and all.

Thank you for your kind caring posts..

I rang him, my little grand daughter (5) answered, she sounded so cute, I’ve only seen her 3 times since she was born..Just hearing her voice I wanted to cry, but I didn’t, after about 5 minutes or so my son took the phone off her, and then I wished him a happy birthday, he thanked me and I tried to talk to him, mostly one sided conversation so I didn’t continue the conversation any more. I was pleased that I rung him...It’s a start...I guess...

Deebi, I’m not sure, haven’t as yet..Will try and wait then ring a gp tomorrow.. I’m physically tired...Maybe sleep now if I can....Love you Deebi..💜. Thank you for staying with me...and thank you all...

Oh Deebi, yes definitely 🔥 and Zoooom away you go..

Thank you all for being who you are..

Love and hugs everyone...

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet 🤗

Thanks letting us know.

Good Grandy you did well and he spoke to you which is as you said a start. Glad you did for your peace of mind. Hope you're ok 🤝

You could try ringing an emergency dept at hospital and see if they can advise you and and please do ring GP hun. Have to look after your heart 💜

Oh good 🔥 was a little concerned, could see the flare in my rear vision mirror.

And thank you being the beautiful you are ☺💜💑 lot of love and care for you don't cha know 😚🕊

Sleep well darlin 😴💗⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all your friends here),

What a precious moment it was to hear your little 5 year old granddaughter’s voice. That’s something to forever hold close to heart...

I hope you remember her voice, and that that memory gives you hope and courage when you need it...love is very powerful as you already know ...

Yes, it’s a start. I feel very proud of you for calling him. Even if it was a mostly one sided conversation, at least he said thank you and talked to you/listened a little. I like to think that means a part of him is still very much open to you...

Hopefully you managed to sleep well last night as it sounds like you needed some rest.

Also, I would love to join you and DB (and anyone else) for a dessert treat of strawberries and mulberries dipped in chocolate. Apparently, I’ll be supplying the chocolate. Easily done 😉

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Peppy, and all,

It was beautiful hearing my granddaughter’s voice after a long time. She is so cute I miss seeing them all so much.. I cannot forget her voice nor my sons.

Deebi..I did ring and was told it’s not okay..so I won’t but I did take an extra half as I had a full on anxiety attach and thought well I need to do something, so that made two extra halves yesterday...I think it made me so physically tired, to the point that I couldn’t get up of the lounge...I stayed there all night experience a run of panick attacks the entire night...I googled a few things about slowing heart rate down through a panick attack and was amazed to find that sipping iced cold water and splashing cold water on your face helps, I tried it and it did help after about 10 minutes, I finally got to sleep and woke up today feeling better...

Today is my hubby’s birthday I didn’t want to stay home alone so I went to darts only to find out that it’s not on today...CWA..has a conference their today...They could have told me!....They knew weeks ago as they are all members, I saw their cars parked there...l left for home feeling yucky, deflated.

On my way home there was about 100+ sheep walking along the road, a farmer on a 4 wheeled trike another on a motor bike and two working dogs...They were coming my way, I pulled over and watched them all.....The sheep came so close to me I reached out and petted some of them...The dogs were amazing to watch, as soon a a few sheep stray, the dogs round them up....mindfullness at its best, by the time I started to go home again to go home I was feeling better.....

Now home for over an hour, I’m trying to shut my chatty mind telling me that the darts team didn’t tell me on purpose...They wanted to put me out and waste my fuel and everything else.....People can bring other people down so quickly by not being consirate....I will ring my younger brother and chat to him for a while...

I hope everyone’s day is a good day....

Love and hugs everyone...🤗💜...

Deebi special love for you dearest friend...

Oh I looked out back this morning and was greeted by a lawn of yellow flowers, all over the lower end of my yard, I they are called cape weed, it looks so very pretty..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hey sweety lady and everyone ☺

Grandy good you rang, wow you sounded in a really bad way hun. Geez so glad you're feeling better today.

Poor thing all those anxiety attacks how awful going through that.
I remember Sapphire saying about ice but if someone has a dodgy heart to not dunk their head in ice water.
Glad you came good from that.

You have a lot of high emotions running still atm darlin 🤗. Sounds like you're handling it too. Remember your grounding box hun and nice deep breaths using the diaphragm to stop the adrenalin pumping and say relax on exhale, I do all the time now. You'll get through this hun and try hard not to let beasty convince you of them conspiring, they may not have said cause you went home early last time, I dont know just a thought.

How lovely seeing and patting the sheep, that would've been so nice and those gorgeous Yellow flowers on the grass sound so pretty. Such a nice change from how its been.

That'll be nice chatting to your lovely younger brother.

So proud of you Grandy but so sorry you're going through so much but point being you are going through and coming out the other side. You're so strong.

Love you very much dear friend. Pubok darlin lady 🌜💑👼💜🌛

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🍫
🤝
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😚

😴 well tonight lovey, keep thinking of the nice flowers, rainbows, our fun times, under the ✨ on your veranda under blanky. Deendy🐉 we'll never 🐘 our🦄 fun times and about the Strawberries and Mulberries Peps and I are going to bring the dipping choccy. You're so loved darlin 🤗

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Grandy and everyone,

Lovely lady I'm also concerned about your heart and anxiety attacks. Good on you for being able to Google what to do. I hope both symptoms go away quickly. Sorry you're going through this Grandy and through everything.

I was relieved to read your phone call to your son went ok. And Happy to read you spoke to your grandaughter 😚😚.

I sincerely hope you have a better day today lovely. Lots of self care and do something special for yourself. ..or eat something special 🍦🍰🍫☕.

Thinking of you often Grandy ❤😚.

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

❤Lee

[Ggrand]

Hello Debbi, Lee and everyone,

The anxiety attacks are scarey combined with my heart problems really shook me up, but I’m okay now, So please don’t worry,

Thank you Deebi, I sipped on ice water and put a cold cloth on my face it worked, today I’ve had none, although my gp nearly gave me one suggesting I have some shock treatment for my anxiety, my thoughts are no way...Deebi Thanks reminder for deep diaphragm breathing, that also helped..

Ive done a lot of thinking today....not saying this to worry anyone, but all the meds I’ve tried has caused more health problems then I’ve ever had....with the side effects..The last one put on a heap of weight, which is not good for my heart, this one has given me ringing in my ears...and I’m really over them....Next Tuesday I’m seeing the new mhn and I’m going to tell her I’m finished with them all....my gp said today I have to weigh things up, what’s best for me, she thinks it’s better to have the shock treatment, extra weight and ringing in my ears then to be depressed and have anxiety, the way I’m looking at it all is the ads are not helping one bit my anxiety and causing weight gain and a constant ringing in my ears that doesn’t look like it’s going to go away...which is causing me more depression and anxiety...and my heart was stable before all these ads...I really am lost and confused and half the time they cancel or appointments are so far apart... over two months between psych visits now.....how can that possibly be helping me.......They can’t help me so they want to zap me with electricity....I will help myself somehow....my CPTSD is my worse enemy moreso then depression and anxiety...and two monthly visits to psych for this idk if it helps at all....Maybe I will give her one more visit late November and decide about her then....

I don’t blame any of you if you think I’m to much hard work and decide to support a more worthy person then me here on these forums...I will understand totally....

Im doing okay today, work was so busy for me....I didn’t finish the donations because they didnt stop coming in..the girls tomorrow will be upset with me, but I’m 1 they are 4 out back tomorrow......just confused and not sure of anything anymore....but I am okay, not down, a little sad about everything today....but okay....

Love and hugs,

Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet/s

Hun I didnt ask how your hearts behaving. Hope you had a good day at work and feeling good.

Lot's of love to you sweet lady 🤗💑💜🤝

Lee I adore that widdle puddy tat of yours, look at it so often ☺

🍫⚘👀🦄

[Lee lee 73]

Hello beautiful Grandy,

We will never ever give up on you lovely. I mean it when I said previous posts you are an inspiration. It sucks the mental health services pretty much are non existant where you live. It sucks that medication side effects suck. I understand where you're coming from Grandy. I truly do. And you know, it's good you're able to conclude your cptsd is the worst of your mh illnesses. I hold the same opinion to ECT.

Hon, have you thought anything more about contacting the Australian Psychological Society for a psychologist who can do telephone sessions? When I said I asked for a friend, that friend was you Grandy so it is doable. I emailed bb to see if they could forward the email to you but they are unable to. What do you think lovely lady? It would be something that is better than nothing if you decide to go off meds completely. They are psychologists located all around nsw including cities so maybe the continuity of care would br there for you. Of course, absolutely no pressure beautiful. Have a think about it a bit more, let us know your concerns and we can talk them through with you. We will support you with whatever you decide. You mean the world to us here Grandy. ..to me. As Deebi so beautifully said, we want you to know happiness because you deserve it Grandy, you sooooooooo deserve it.

Take great care beautiful, lots of self care. Sending you caring thoughts and big warm hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗.

❤Leexx