Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Grandy,

How beautiful of your furbuddies to redesign your lounge room and kitchen 🐶🐶. 🙊

Thinking of you today lovely lady. My fingers and toes are crossed hoping everything goes ok today.

sending you calming thoughts 🤗🤗🤗🤗❤❤

Lee

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Lee and all,

Thank you for your kind words,

I completed my tasks for today..

Im okay just so really very tired.....Talk tomorrow if that’s okay..

Deebi I posted a short post on yours not there yet...Love you special friend...

i hope you all have a good and restful sleep..

Sending my love and hugs to everyone,

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (waves to all),

I feel sad that one of your sons isn’t talking to you. That must break your heart, dear Grandy...

Yes, I see what you’re saying about how visitng him but being forced to keep your distance would really hurt. You must miss him so much though...

I don’t think it’s “silly” as you described it. I feel you are slowly re-learning a different way to approach daily life without someone trying to dominate or control your life. Every step counts 😉

Hugs to you and I’m leaving special treats for your precious fur babies 🙂

Love, care and comfort...

Peppy xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy,

I am slightly confused...

Think I’m having some technological glitches this morning so I may have to do some re-writing...I will wait and see...just feeling confused now. Lol.

I just wanted to say you are heard in the mean time and offer some hugs to you 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[Lee lee 73]

Hello dear Grandy,

How are you and how did you go yesterday? Let us know when you feel up to it.

Here are some big warm hugs for you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗!

Thinking of you my dear friend ❤.

❤Lee xx

[Ggrand]

Good morning Deebi, Peppy, Lee,

I seem to be having trouble with my posts as well I wrote here last night and another thread and they didn’t go through, I am sorry I should have checked back...I was just emotionally and bodily tired yesterday that I went to bed really early....

I had to leave here really early yesterday for my job provider, I got their and waited around 20 minutes, she was late, then when she finally turned up said, it’s okay I’ll make another long appointment with you next week or the one after....okay...

Work, I was the shop girl, but instead of staying out front I went outback, but because it wasn’t busy I done a bit of out back and then the shop with Betty, who didn’t mind staying in the shop for the day, I helped her keep the shop shelves full and tidy...

My appointment with the new mhn, She introduced her to me, she hasn’t been told about my history,nThey appointment was here asking me about my life, I was upset that she came to me with nothing but my name and knowing very little about me....The questions ere very personal, Some I answered, I asked her about my former mhn, she said she is now teaching mh to other prospective mhn..Then somehow she into the conversation she said that she is only here for 6 months then she is moving on. I got even more upset and told her I want to go home now...Which she didn’t want me to but I did anyway...I am over the health system out here.. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my psychiatrist from Sydney...I’ve been thinking about that, surely we have Psychiatrists that are working from here...If so why does the Sydney one come all this way for a day?..

Im okay and not down, just tired of the lack of support and the way we get looked after out here, I’m sure in the Sydney metro area this doesn’t go on...and you continue on with the same mhn, etc...

I hope everyone’s day is a good day today, with plenty of light shining into your already lit up beautiful hearts..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi hun 🤗

You had a big day yesterday was wondering how you got on.

It's not good at all not having good access to MH care. I'm really sorry she didnt know anything about you darlin I wouldve thought they'd be briefed. Sounds like the whole day was hard lovey. I he she was gentle and nice to you cause that's what you deserve.

Good Betty was there with you yesterday is that where you met her? That wouldve made your day easier I imagine.

So glad you have her in your life.

Cuddles to fur bubs and big 🤗 to you lovely lady

Love you a lot little angel friend 🌜💑💜🤝✨👀🦄🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi, Peppy..Lee and all,

Lee...Thank you so very much for your big warm hugs and support, I really do appreciate it and hope you are doing okay...

Peppy...Yes it does, and it really hurts to know his birthday is early next week, and I’m unable to visit and possibly speak to him....I know I should let him go, but it’s hard to accept that he cannot remember the heartbreak and physical hurt that I went through a lot of times to protect him...But my love is stronger then his abandonment of me...I will continue to try....

Deebi....I had a feeling she wasn’t told anything when she first rang me...I don’t like the idea of her moving on after 6 months,mit is too hard to talk and embarrassing to talk about my life, yesterday the shame of me my weakness, my hurt, just thinking about re telling parts of my life was/is too much, because even though they are trained to not judge I sense that they do...I am thinking of not attending tomorrow because I’m just to emotionally tired to do so...

I met Betty from the shop, I could tell she had been crying one day and I simply asked her if she was okay then she cried her heart out and she opened up about her partner who was admitted into a nursing home the day before. I gave her my heart that day, and looked after her because she wasn’t...... about 6 months later her partner passed away and I was there for her, until I had my breakdown..Her ex husband still lives in town, he treated her badly and my ears have been for her releasing her hurt from him, she brings me down at times because so similar some of the way he treated her...now her ex is really sick with a deseased heart and failing kidneys and I’m there for her again. she has been looking after him, taking him to hospital when needed and drs appointments...She has a beautiful caring soul..

I am very lucky thay when she knew I was going to work at vinnies, she got me on her day..but there are many days that she doesn’t come to work, she is elderly and herself not well....

So many people have really hard lives that we are unaware of....It’s just not fair that some struggle with daily life and others breeze through it, I’m really sorry for everyone that is struggling...

Love you special friend...

Love and hugs to everyone, because absolutely everyone is important and special..

Grandy...

[Guest8901]

Hello dear Grandy,

I havent visited for a couple of days. Intended to yesterday before your MHN and work day, but just didnt get around to it. Plus I think a reorganisation of forum categories resulted in a stack of posts (in the long term support section) being help up yesterday and today. Which was very confusing. Seems to be all sorted now though thankfully.

Grandy in your post to me you said "I’m pleased we have met and became friends....You are important in my life Amanda....". Thank you so very much. I feel the same about you, and several others here, and feel very blessed to have discovered these forums and the wonderful people in them.

I am really sorry that your session with your new MHN was made more difficult than it should have done, by no handover notes or knowledge. I really did not expect that! And then to learn that the new one will only stick around for 6 months would have made me feel completely flattened I think. Do these people not realise how incredibly difficult it is to open up about our lives in the first place? Urgh ...... frustrating and upsetting, to say the least.

Really happy that Betty was working at Vinnies with you yesterday. She sounds a lovely lady ... and you deserve to have what sounds like a kindred spirit by your side. Its unfortunate she's elderly and not overly well, otherwise I feel sure she would be there for you far more than she is currently able to be.

Love how you said in your post above that "everyone is important and special". So please reserve some of that love, care and hugs for yourself Grandy. Because you too are important and very special indeed.

Much love to you.

Amanda 🌹💜🤗🌺

[demonblaster]

Hi dearest Grandy 🤗

Darlin I'm really sorry you have such painful memories creeping up. You said yourself which is great to hear you saying that you were protecting your son. Keep that voice sweetheart. It's the truth.

It is a pain and would be so hard going through it again and then her choofing after a few mths sheez. Dont blame you feeling emotionally drained poor darling can't understand why they didn't check and pass notes. You're going through so much again lovey. You're strong and resilient hun. With you 🤝

Thanks for explaining where you met lovely Betty, so glad you have her and she would be so happy to have you too. Your hearts pure Gold beautiful lady.

Sweety thought I'd look after you tonight so I've cooked tea... cheese and tomatoe you like on toast, a bit gourmet yip splashing out and somesing special for later, Peppy may be looking for it tomoz shall we say. Oh.. oh.. I got a coffee Frappe? for you too lovely one. Your nighty and broach on one of the slippers so cute are in the bathroom candles and lots of bubbles with glittery holograms sparkling. Then when youre all warm and fresh we can jump under blanky and shawl and enjoy our ✨

💜 and care so deeply about you floss. PUBOK always. Is bursitis still asleep and how bout cicadas. 🌜 💑💜💗👀🕊🤝🌛

Love you Grandy ☺😚