Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,

Thank you so very much for all your great ideas...I will try to visualise you all walking around the hospital with me....Betty cannot come with me, unfortunately she is having trouble with her health, and I can't ask her..Nope no community transport...Trains 🚝, the nearest train station is 12 kilometres away, one train in the morning 7.40 then one back home at 4.30 I wouldn't get home until dark..and too long to spend an entire day in that town....Okay looks like I'm driving it's on 26/7 so a couple of weeks to get my confidence up....I don't know why the hell my hubby decided to moved me and him into the middle of nothing...oh I do but not on here...😡

My neighbour cranky one came home last night, nearly 2 months gone..I wish she was nicer..geez it's only us two that our houses are not that far away from each other...🤷🏻‍♀️..idk..

No cows 🐂 are not back yet..still not much rain, no grass around here at all..Water restrictions are still being enforced in other towns around here...

I understand about worrying about things before the time, and still having to do it anyway...something I need to work on..

Deebi I hope your day is a good day today..

Oh....btw.....Sweet Deebi...your 🎁....is nearly ready...soon...not long.. L👼Ve Y🔥U 💜 very muchly special friend 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Peppy....Thank you very much, I am hoping you are right and that one day I will be able to say what's on my mind instead of running away in my mind...I'm beginning to get so frustrated about me and my weakness there that maybe one day I just might be able to...love you xx

Warm Kind and big soul hugs for everyone that wants one..

Wishing Everyone 🕊..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🌹🦄..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweet 💑 friend and other lovely ones ☺

🎁..🎵 Farrr away in another place 🎶

Tonight my dear friend I want you to look for 3 🦄 stars ✨ amidst a cluster of many, they can be in any position as long as they're close together.

The biggest and brightest is my darling 💓 so any others. (That's Venus I believe)

The 3 stars are you Starwolf and I. They're called the 🤝 GranStarBie cluster and the surrounding ones that shine SO brightly continuously are our beautiful other loves here that we cherish 🤗🌹 and hold in our 💗 with love 😍 They're called the Ultimate maximus, in the class act zone.

Picture a glorious Purple/Pink sparkling radiant 💜💗 around this group known in Astronomy terms as the WOWoptimus factor.

I'm planted in the middle of you both 🤝 cause that's how you make me feel, so cared loved safe and secure, you all do 🤗🎂🍫.

Now you need your 🔭 because written on that single star 🎵farrr away🎵in thousands of alternating shiny shades of captivating colours is a message for you and Starwolf ( be ok Star 🤗 ) saying "My appreciation and love for you both is eternal" 💗🌹

🔭 To every one. May Peace light and health enter your souls with a power that will always shield you from pain. May you find the strength to go on and find true happiness. We deserve and can.

T 🕊 H 💜 A 🤝 N ❤ K 💚 Y 💓 O 🦄 U

🤗💗🌹

Grandy thank you for always holding my hand , Got yours too all 3 of em 😅

💜💗🦄

Nigh nite sweets

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Oh Deebi, how beautiful of a soul and heart you have, I did really go out last night and looked, I found your love, and I hope you don't mind I thanked him for sending you to me and told him how much I love you... That's the star I usually talk to when I need to tell someone or let out my distress....I knew it was a blessed star because I was and am drawn to it when I'm hurting...💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊..

GranStarBie Cluster..👼🐺🦄.....and Ultimate Mazimus..💜💜....together with all our lovlies we certainly are Wowoptimus factor....a wonderful,caring group of stars, shining for each other to help The other shine...God I love you Deebi.💜🌹🕊👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Deebi, thank you so very much for your super great present,,,I am now tears because I feel loved and cared for...Those words to Starwolf🌹💜🕊, and myself are also words we both echo back to you....because, that's how I feel about you..

Now when I sit outside, the stars will mean so much more to me..Thank you Deebi from way down deep in my heart and soul.....

I know your doing it hard again today special lady, when you take that walk along the beach, imagine me holding your hand and I'll be definitely giggling as the cold water wets my feet...Oh..yeah Deebi, you know I just have to do this, don't you....I'm bending down..to. 😂 splash you,,😂😂, their you go....and the chase is on.....Ha ha ha...do you think you will catch me and splash me back....I think you will and when you do catch me..I have this gloriously shell to remember today....

Hello lovely people, I hope you all know that I also love and care for you as well...Don't forget as soon as all of us are well enough ♨️ Campfire on fantasy thread....

Love and hugs..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

You're very welcome darling Grandy ☺

Beautiful soul, love that you spoke to my darling and told him 🕊

You're magic lady. 🦄

Thank you 💑

For being such a lovely supportive friend. 💜🌹🕊👀🤝✨

[demonblaster]

Nigh nite darlin. Thank you for your beautiful posts

U warm enough, got blanky on.

Sleep tight lovey

Love your 💑💜💗🕊Deebi 😚

[White_Rose]

Hello Karen

I have not posted on your thread for a while for all sorts of reasons. I had a look at the the last couple of pages but I am unsure if you are still at that place.

What I have picked up is the way you were treated by the psychologist. Frankly it is disgusting. A professional person knows (or should know) not to write you off and stop sessions like that. I am surprised you have returned to her. I would expect your other support people to contact her and ask for an explanation. Has anyone told you what she said. Frankly I feel there is little point in continuing in a (professional) relationship when clearly there is no respect for you. Can you ask your GP to change the referral to someone else? I know this can be done on a MHP, it depends on whether there is someone else for you to see. What a waste of money and time talking to someone who is clearly not interested in her job.

The other thing I picked up was how little pleasure you are getting from life. This is very sad.Being able to make your home look and feel comfortable is a gift and is not often apparent in others. I do know this feeling and it has stopped me from working on those things I used to love. However I told myself I needed to finish a birth sampler for my youngest grandchild as she was the only one without this. Then I decided to complete something I had left but could not raise the energy so started a new project.

This very long-winded comment is about enjoying our gifts and talents. In this vein I will tell you that my avatar is a cross stitch picture of wolves I embroidered for my grandson. It has always been a favourite of mine even though I have stitched pictures for the other grandchildren. Showing my work to my friends does bring compliments but this is not the reason (well perhaps a bit). I like to share my enjoyment with those who also enjoy lovely things. This applies to your cushion covers. Not being able to 'show off' as I tell myself is hard. Something that takes time and skill is worthy of admiration and I am certain your cushion covers come in that category. If you cannot show them off in your home, take a photo and brag at your volunteer job. It really helps to lift your spirits and your enjoyment of your work.

Are you going into hospital on 26/07? Is there something to be concerned about? I see you and DB mentioned Starwolf. You do know she has left the forum I hope.

Mary

[Ggrand]

Hello Mary,

Its a real Pleasure to see you hear, thank you for coming to talk to me..

I agree what My psych done is inexcusable, it took nearly 3 months for her to agree to council me again...My mhn and gp had sent several emails to her asking why...no response..My psychiatrist has to fly from Sydney and a phone call from him got her to agree...She is the only one within roughly 100 kilometres...

I do not trust her anymore, I started sharing my dark secrets with her only two sessions then the next one she cancelled...I have no choice to see her,although as I said I do not trust her so our sessions are worthless..She now makes me feel ashamed of my life and guilty she was forced to resume counciling again..She turned things around and for some unknown reason it was my fault she rang me up and cancelled...I don't understand why it could be, but she says it was...

I used to do a lot of long stitch, embroidery, sewing, knitting, croteching, all self taught,but I realise I only done them to get away to a safe place away from my hubby..I think I enjoyed them..I'm really not certain anymore..Now I'm on my own, isolated, and no motivation at all..I forced myself to do some cushion covers. I finished put them on and meh. Nothing....

I like your avatar very much. I haven't done cross stitch before it's something I couldn't teach myself, it's really hard to do, and I think you should be proud of yourself for being able to do it and to create such a beautiful picture..

Thank you for your concern Mary....The hospital visit is for X-rays and scans to find out why my ear and jaw and chin bones are very pain and aches...not a stay in..It's ridiculous that I have to travel 100 kilometres for X-rays, No buses or trains means I need to drive. and all the people there...sigh..I still have a week and a bit to talk myself into getting there..

Mary, how are you feeling?.. I see you around the forums occasionally and do like to read your posts to others..I really hope that you are doing okay..🌹🕊..

Waves to everyone else..

Hope your day is a good day..🕊💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...xx👼

[White_Rose]

Hello Karen

Thanks for your lovely reply. I wanted to share something with you about having some pleasure in the things you do. I know it's not something we can do to order but we can teach ourselves enjoyment.

What was the best thing about sewing sewing your cushion covers? Was it the effort of finishing them? Admiring how well they suited your furniture and home? Perhaps the knowledge that you can do these things? All good reasons to enjoy something you made. Sometimes when I am sewing I get frustrated when I make a mistake and need to fix it. I moan and groan to myself about silly I am and get on with putting it right. Did this happen with your cushions?

I think one of the best rewards to give ourselves is to acknowledge we persevered and not only finished the job but did it as well as we could. I love to look at something and give myself a pat on the back for simply finishing it. So the next time you make anything for yourself, even a nice cake, look at it and enjoy the finished result. Tell yourself you made a good job and deserve a pat on the back.

I do not believe because you found alternative activities to being with your husband that you can no longer doing these things. You did have pleasure, comfort and peace and you can again. I cannot crochet. My friend tried to teach me but I could not 'get' it. My daughter does long stitch when she has the time. I like embroidery more than cross stitch but I must admit I complete the whatever more quickly when it is cross stitch than when it is embroidery. I also used to make my children's clothes, mostly for the pleasure.

I hope all goes well on your trip. Driving 100 kilometres to get an X-ray is a bit much. I guess I am lucky to live in the city where I can take my pick.

Glad you like reading my posts. That's really lovely.

Mary

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy (and a wave to all),

I have little to add today to what your other lovely supporters have said 🙂 Thank you for your earlier post to me. I too hope you’ll one day find yourself (so to speak) again ❤️ But there’s no rush of course...

Leaving a basket of goodies for you to enjoy under the stars. Blueberry scones, chips, croissants, fruit, crackers with dip, thermos of tea/coffee and choccy bars too 🙂

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy love and all other lovelies here

Hope you do get some enjoyment at darts. 10 outta 10 for going. I know how difficult it is for you to be around people yet you're pushing through. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for that and I'm sure everyone here feels same for you.

You might prefer washes in the morning, was wondering if it might be easier for you at night time. I lived somewhere the pipes froze too. Bitterly cold to just get out of bed to get dressed and summer was full blown oven dry heat. Extremes.

Sorry not much in the tank atm

Hope your days good hun and that you throw a few bullseyes. Dad taught me to get the darts out turn them rather than yank them. I don't remember if it was for the board or darts probs the board.

Take care darl and everyone

Love Grandy 🦄💜👀👂🏻💑