Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[startingnew]

Grandy xox

i hope your going ok and things are easing abit for you. lets go sit under that tree with fresh squeezed lemon in water, perhaps we will see an array of birds

hugs xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Peppy , Starts,

Peppy, Thank you very much for saying that there's no rush to find myself..and the basket of goodies oh wow yummy thank you to the moon 🌙 and back 🌏..

Starts...Yeah I'm fine Starts, sitting under the tree really sounds good today, I need to get away from myself sometimes maybe the tree will help...

Deebi....I went to darts...

I usually do shower of a night, but umm 😐 I missed a couple of nights, just wasn't up to it..So I had to have one this morning before I left...Getting out of bed I wouldn't if I didn't have my fur family with me...I need to put them out in the morning for toilet then because the ground is all icy I will bring them straight back inside..so they are getting me out of bed most mornings..

Work tomorrow and I have to report into my job provider every Tuesday before work...Last week she came to Vinnies and was very rude and upset me so much, she was telling me about new agreements that I had to sign, but so loud and so quickly, When I asked her a question she ignored me but she was so loud that everyone I work with heard and so did a few customers, I felt so small and insignificant.i spent a lot of last Tuesday in the ladies room trying to hide my tears....Why do people have to be so domineering, rude and loud like she was..rhetorical..

I have an appointment with my mhn tomorrow morning to check how I'm going. I'll be off the meds completely in two days time..It's been hard coming off them..thoughts have been not good, my emotions are very sensitive...My next Psychiatrist visit is a day before the anniversary of my husband passing..2 weeks away.. hmmmm...sigh...this will not go down to well I don't think...

I hope everyone gets some good sleep tonigh, and wakes up tomorrow with some light in their day..

Love you Deebi..💜🌹.

Love ang hugs everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey darl and all

Good on you going to darts you're a trooper lady. Hope it was good.

I'm trying to improve with either a wash or shower daily which mostly I do but if I don't need to go out ditto. Hope to god no one visits out of the blue 🙂 usually they text or ring first so I"ve got time.

Glad your fur buddies give you a reason. Very tempting isn't it to stay in bed, trouble is if we do and don't get sleep then we pretty much stay where we are especially if no distraction. Safe place, warm, we know the story.

I was hacked off for you hearing about that person carrying on like that. Someone suggested to report her if you're up to that. Many like her won't change and don't give a hoot about peoples feelings, wrong job and wrong way to be with people. With the question and her ignoring it, I keep it in mind and keep going back to it. Maybe you could try that if she does it again. (( Hugs )) Grandy. Not right or called for.

Maybe the app with Psychiatrist can you tell him how you're feeling about the anniversary. Sorry Grandy you have so much to deal with. Let's hope this is a new start for you with the new meds.

Back atcha hun good sleep and light in your day too.

Love you (( x )) and a pwetty wee flower so tiny there's no vases that small so where ever you put it it'll keep and it can be whatever colour you choose on the day, for now it's yellow cause I picked some from the ground today, weeds, gorgeous little things just quietly sitting there in their beauty. 5 petals I think.

Nigh nite everyone 🙂 Night hun xx

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy

Well done for getting to darts today. Did you beat those 'uppities' again? Hope so. 👍

Oh yes, I do remember those frosty mornings in the bush where all the water pipes are frozen until midday. It used to be a common occurrence where we moved from 9 years ago where -6C was common. I must say I miss that. Although the last 2 mornings here we've had -1C and a nice white frost which lasted until around 9am. It felt almost like home. ❄

Oh how rude and thoughless of your job provider. There really is no excuse for that sort of behavior. Really hope tomorrow is better than last week.

I'm pleased to hear that your MHN is monitoring your progress regarding coming off your current meds. Only 2 days left on them? That was quick.

Awww Grandy ... You have a really difficult couple of weeks ahead of you. Off the meds plus a significant and no doubt highly triggering anniversary fast approaching. I will try my best to be here for you if you need to talk.

I have immense admiration and respect for you, and dearly hope to see you in a better place soon. You've had an unbelievably unfair and traumatic life, and nobody deserves a taste of happiness more than you.

A very grateful and reassuring hug for an incredible lady. 🌸

Amanda 💜

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful Grandy (and a wave to all),

Your gorgeous fur babies clearly mean the world to you, and give you a reason to surface from your bed. They’re absolutely precious...

Oh Grandy, it must have been awful trying to hold back the tears. The job provider sounds so insensitive and domineering. That must have been such a horrible experience for you...feeling small and insignificant hurts. You must have felt so belittled...

With your appointments and coming off the meds, I feel you have a lot going on. I was wondering if it would help to take it moment by moment and trying not to think too far ahead.

I know it’s easier in theory than in practice but perhaps try not to think too much about things coming up in 2 weeks time and just focus on today (for example). Just a gentle suggestion....

I’m glad you enjoyed the basket of goodies. I might refill it with some freshly baked cookies today. Special treat 🙂

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

what an unpleasant woman your job provider sounds. How dare she be so rude. You need some of us there to back you up. Anniversaries like you are going to experience are awful. That happens to me every March. Which is when my husband died, some times I can’t figure out what is wrong with me and then it hits me. Our pets can be our life line can’t they. I have to let mine out too. And we are trying to stop them barking so they don’t piss off the new neighbours. Do take care of yourself. I so appreciate your posts to me

tess

[demonblaster]

Ohhh what a shame there was a system error so my post probs wont land. Didnt note it either.

I'll jump in tomoz hun pretty ragged still and headache persevering.

Much love sweets

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy,
You've been very quiet the past 2 days, and that is always a cause of concern. So ... I am here to bring you a nice hot cuppa. I expect there would be another frost at your place today? Good thing you have that blankie and bedsocks that Deebi kindly made you. How about I let the little doggies out today for their morning toilet break, save you going out in the cold?

And I will make you bacon, eggs, tomatoes and mushrooms. Plus toast of course. A nice hearty breakfast to get you going.

Would you like to talk about your appointment with your MH nurse yesterday? And your work too? I am a good listener, even if I cannot always talk, I do listen.

I'm worried about you Grandy, so when you feel up to it, I hope to hear from you. Meanwhile, provided you dont mind, I would like to sit with you. I need the company too, and it may be a comfort to know someone is here for you.

Amanda

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Peppy, Tess, Amanda and all.

Work...Job Provider.. and mhn..they all want more off me then I can give them...

My brother was suppose to come today. He rang yesterday and said he won't be coming...I'm trying to hold me together, dissapointed in my brother not coming....I'll okay so please don't be concerned about me...

Deebi..How are you. I heard that your still struggling.....Please be okay... I'll pop over yours soon and chat to you.. Love you very much 💜🌹🕊🤗..

Amanda...I hope your feeling better and getting a little stronger within yourself daily...Please sweetheart, look after yourself, your needed and important to a lot of people...

Tess...Yes my fur buddies are my lifeline in r/l, The anniversary coming up is so very bitter/sweet...it's hard to explain but my emotions go crazy..Sadness, guilt,relief...

Peppy, Thank you for your gentle reminder that I should be living today and not concerned about a couple of weeks away...hard to do but I know your right..💜

I have to call in to my job Provider on my way to work Tuesday mornings, if I don't turn up my benefits are cancelled...I have trouble going in one day every week, now their trying to arrange 3 days a week...I can't do it..it's hard enough to go out one day a week, now I will have different workers on different days..I can't do this.. I just want all this to end..I'm really very tired...I'm fine so please let's just leave this as it is....

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Grandy (and a wave to all),

Gentle hugs from me...

I’m just sitting here quietly with you now ❤️

Peppy xoxo