Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Guest8901]

Grandy,

All those lovely words that Deebi, Pepper and Birdy have said about you are true and very accurate. I wish I had the words for you as well, but right now, words are difficult for me. That does not mean I dont care, because I do .. a great deal. Only sorry I am unable to help you or to offer comfort and support when I would like to. Had a psych apt today, so hopefully once I get over that, I can come back here and be of some help to people.

Thank you for your posts on my thread. I havent yet responded there. I'm trying to hide from my own life for a bit. So I have been going in .. sneaking a quick look .. shedding some tears ... and then retreating again. Not easy, but hopefully improving.

I care about you .. my lovely friend. Always.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy and every other lovely one here 🙂

Sweety I was just thinking about your bursitis. Itis = inflammation. Wondering if cold packs might help.
Bet you can't wait to try in your freezing home town lol.

The other thing I wondered if a pillow at your back to stop you laying on it might help. I know you said you have worked out ways to manage it but it seems stirred from sleeping arrangements recently. Poor darling someone else recently in rl said they have it too. Heard it's very painful.

(( Whopping hugs )) and always deep love.

If you're a good girl I might give you your pressy when I'm on tablet later if not soon.

Hope you're feeling a little better lovey, well a lot but a little will do for entree.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Birdy,

Thank you for your kind post here and on Deebi's thread, your kind words are so kind and gentle.. I definitely felt and still feel the love and hugs from everyone here...xx I don't know how to care for my inner child, or even if I have one I think mine was hurt to much and ran away many years ago and hid...Maybe one day she will come out of hiding..and then I can nurture and care for her...xxx.

Thank you so much Birdy, your words and kindness has touched my heart today..

Much love and heaps of hugs..🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy...xxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy..

Thank you so very much for understanding how I have been feeling on Tuesday..Just knowing someone understands makes me feel not so alone...

Peppy, I should have stuck up for myself, she did turn it all around, I hate how I cannot speak up when I know things are wrong, That's the wrong thing to do I know it is but I just can't do it...I don't know how to fix this..

Thank you for your very kind words that you have said to me...No darling you haven't scared me off....I am learning to accept some of them some of the time...💚🍀 Deebi's being a hard task master has helped me with this..🦄..

Thank you for sitting with me and holding my hand I have held on to your hand all day, I'm sorry if your hand is squashed a bit..

Please can both you and Deebi check out the pearl thread, when you have time..xxxx someone left something there for you both...xx

Love and special hugs...,

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,

I read so much emotion in your words from your post to me...

Deebi......Your words went straight to my heart and soul and ended up coming out my eyes with a flood of tears....I keep asking myself how did I ever deserve such a beautiful loving caring friend as you...I have done nothing to deserve you. we met here and talked I clung to you because I felt lost, lonely scared, and you made me feel cared for..

I try hard, really hard not to go down with C-PTSD because it sometimes takes me down and into a BP downer and the depth you get to there are deeper then ??? ...it's hard, and these triggers are everywhere, My C-PTSD is to do with living everyday, voice tones, certain words, yelling, seeing/hearing people being yelled at or worse...It's really hard to manage but I do a lot of the times, it's just that lately it's been so difficult.

Deebi....I am really sorry 🙇‍♀️I hurt you with my words about how I feel about me... I shouldn't voice them....I know your negative words about you hurt me 😢...I'll try harder...I do trust you Deebi, and I'm trying really really hard to accept what you say and sometimes I do believe it, but other times I remember just a for split second that's all it takes and then I just don't like me at..

Deebi, I don't know what to say to you... You're to good to me, sometimes I feel worthy of your love and care and other times I don't feel worthy of them at all..

I'm lost for the right words to say to you, no words are good enough to express what I need to say and I can't put them into sentences that make sense...I'm sorry , you deserve better..

I'm not down as in a downer, I'm just down on me 😢..

Thank you for your suggestions for my bursitis, lol we forget the suggestions we give to others don't we.? Thank you for reminder...I will try the ice pack 😬tonight ,painful it can be, but it can also be free of pain...

The X-rays are for my jaw, ear etc..she mentioned two things it could be, needing X-ray to find out..only can be done in the hospital. How am I ever going to get there is my biggest problem, it's 95 kilometres from my place...😢..then in a busy hospital with people all around, it's the hospital that my hubby was first diagnosed.. I don't know about this...My dr is making the appointment and will give me date to go...

Big love to you my dear sweet beautiful friend..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🦄👼..

love and hugs to eaveryone who needs or wants them..🤗🤗🕊

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🕊🦄.

[demonblaster]

Grandy darling (( xx )) Hi everyone 🙂

Easy to say I know and I know it'll be hard being around people, something to keep in the back of your mind lovey is most people are thinking about what they're up to, yes they look around as we do, we all do.
Maybe imagine they're us walking around. I believe most people are good hun, you haven't had reason to see a lot of that until here.

Remember every time you feel stressed or have a negative thought do your breathing darl and maybe some thought challenging and if you can see a positive in the situation helps too. IF not good ole distraction.
If nothing else it'll be a change of scenery. Wow you're so in the sticks out there. At least you have the peace and stars and animals. Are your cows back yet?. You could think about them and their antics to distract onto happier thoughts.

You know we spend an awful lot of energy worrying about things before hand and when the time comes we have no choice but to deal with the situation. So often it's not as we thought it'd be either. Maybe work on the positives, change of scenery, another hurdle you're going to conquer towards getting stronger and you are, results for your ears and glands, be around caring people that want to help, out of the house for a while. Deebi will be with you every step of the way. If you feel anxious just talk out loud to me, well maybe not in the hospital, they might redirect you to another nice room 🙂

Thank you for your kind words honey. Oh I hear you about clinging and being so cared for ((( xx ))) Ditto lovey. We were meant to meet and be great friends for sure. Lasting.

Don't know if you have community transport in the sticks there, be cheaper than driving maybe or could you drive to a train station, park there and nah probs not a good idea. More people. Maybe Betty could go with you.

Ya know lovely it's beasty that doesn't like us I reckon. I'm getting there but not when beasty romps in. [IT] xx needs a serious attitude adjustment. C-PTSD. must be awful Grandy.

Always love you lady, wish I could be there for you in rl but remember I'm real and so is everyone here. xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Mandy,

Im sorry I just seen your post to me...Please caring Amanda, don't be sorry about not helping me, because you really are helping me when you post because it takes some stress from not knowing away from me...

Oh I really hope your psych visit went good for you..

Mandy, please for now and how ever long it takes you, look after yourself and do you know is necessary to heal yourself....Never be sorry about not posting when your down...a lot of people need to do that...I do as well when I'm really way down there in that dark gloomy place the beasty's lair....Just sweetheart try your best to get well, we all care for you and I know I miss you..

I will continue to pop over yours to just check in on you, If that's okay....🌹🌹.

Sleep well dear Mandy, and sweet dreams...a Lavender oil candle🕯 for some relaxing sleeps..

Love and soul hugs...don't forget to rug up under blanky tonight...

Grandy..

[Susane]

Hi Ggrand , I really feel for you, so sorry about your husband. My husband and I have been together since we were 17 and 18. But he's not someone I can share my feelings and thoughts with, he gets angry at what I say, I always regret saying anything to him. I have depression, on medication and I hate it. I have 2 grown girls, 1 has 2 angel babies that live 3hrs away. Both my girls hate me, our relationships are very strained. If it weren't for my grandbabies I'd never speek to them. Apart from my husband I have no other family. When we argue which is always about our girls, I end up feeling not understood and really alone. I try stay in bed as much as possible but I have to work or we don't have money. I feel my whole life is bad and struggle to find the good in it.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy (and a wave to all),

Hi Susane 🙂

I’m glad we helped you to feel that little bit less alone...you can hold my hand for as long as you like.

I hear your frustration for not standing up for yourself as you would have liked. For some reason, I imagine you “freezing” and going on autopilot when faced with potential confrontation...but as we all agreed, it’s not your fault.

I don’t think it will happen overnight but maybe over time, you’ll learn to put your foot down. I have faith in you. If not right now and if not soon, it will happen one day...

For now, I would suggest being extra gentle to yourself and trying not beat yourself up over it or keep replaying it in your head...

Thank you for reassuring me. I’m relieved that I didn’t scare you away. DB sure has helped you, hasn’t she? You 2 have such a beautiful bond...

I have seen the Pearls thread. Thank you so much! I wrote a reply there...thank you again lovely Grandy.

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Susane,

Thank you for calling into my thread, and your kind words....I'm very pleased to meet you..

I can relate to your husband be angry at whatever you say, mine was the same, I walked on egg shells for the whole 38 years I was married and that on its own I think causes depression.

I have 3 sons, I don't hear from two of them very much but my youngest is starting to msg me monthly, also 13 grandchildren, that I don't see 😢...heartbreaking..oops 😢.

Im wondering susane if you have your own thread, your welcome to stay here if you want to, however If you started your own thread, you will have some wonderful people calling in and chatting to you and try to guide, help and walk alongside you on your journey.. If you do decide on your own thread, please can you call back here and let me know the name of it, because I so much want to support you as I think we have similar parts to our journey and it's possible that we. An help each other..

Im hoping your day is filled with some light and happiness,

Warm Kind thoughts, and caring hugs 🤗🤗..(if you like hugs).

Grandy...