Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

🎼🎶🎵 I just 📞 to say..I l💜ve you🎵

And I mean it from the bottom of my 💜

Not good to hear but your sugar being high darl they can do something about.

Ouch what pain with your bursitis 🌹 gently does it sweety, take your time walking.

Any word on the glands? And your ear you poor thing.

Cholesterol they can help too. My doc said my 😡 weight gain could have contributed to that.

Please please be ok Grandy. You're so precious loved and needed. You matter to many.

🎁somesing special, you're going to 😍 it.

🔭 this is the first half of it. Ohhhh wonder what it is 🤔

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Grandy (and a wave to all),

I realise you’re hurting, upset and exhausted. I sense the feelings of being lost and angry. I get that you’re completely (and understandably) upset with your psych. She seems to have turned it all around to put the blame on you...no wonder you’re feeling upset and angry. I probably would too...

No wonder you kept driving and ended up watching the night sky just to find a moment of peace. No wonder...

But dare I be bold and ever so gently suggest that none of this confirms the horrible things your husband has said to you. Lovely Grandy, you’re not at fault here.

If we have to point fingers and blame someone, let’s blame the people who controlled and hurt you in the past. They’re the ones who conditioned you to saying “yes”, conditioned you to only listen to others (instead of your own inner voice), conditioned you to follow instead of lead, etc, etc. ...I’m saying it’s not your fault.

You, my friend, are a beautiful, kind, caring, loving, smart and brave person. I know how you are with compliments so hopefully I haven’t scared you off...we all love you very much is what I’m trying to say and think how world of you...

You bring so much light and love to so many of us here. Also, as birdy said, your special connection with DB is inspiring and heart warming.

I’m gently holding your hand and reassuring you as I know you’re feeling down and hurting...

Much love and hugs,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala,

Thankyou very much I did and do feel the love on this thread...I come here many times when I'm down and read here, I have no one here. Believe me when I say the posts on my thread have picked me up and held me up so many times that you and others don't know about...I have no one 24/7 to talk to, this here at bb is my go to place...

Your kisses, hugs and cuddles were felt by me last night, and were so appreciated, especially when I called in here early hours of this morning...💚💚🤗.

much love, Grandy..

[Birdy77]

Hello Grandy,

Although I replied to you on Deebi's thread, I just really wanted to echo the wonderful post above by Peppy (I seem to be following her around this morning saying "what Pepper said!").

You are not to blame Grandy.

Please be very, very gentle with you. Treat yourself as you would a wounded, tiny girl, because in essence that who is inside you dear Grandy.

Please also feel all the love and hugs from us all as Cala so colourfully posted.

You are that wounded, tiny child ... she is you, and she needs your love and compassion right now.

With love,

🌻birdy

[monkey_magic]

Morning Grandy!!!

What Pepper and Birdy said...

🙂

That's so true we become conditioned by others and then have to find our way back to ourselves...learn to stand up for ourselves.

For what it's worth I don't think you're a coward. There's a lot that you've survived in your life and keep on surviving. You're doing the best that u can do under the circumstances.

That's so good of you to care about the injured wildlife.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pepper, Birdy, Magic Cala and all,

I will be back...just to emotional atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Magic,

Finding our way back to myself/ourselves is a very hard task, if you have never lived or for that matter known yourself before,

Standing up for myself, I can do it in my mind, but when I go to say something, nope, I can't to many repercussion memories/triggers, best I just 😷 and go along with them...That worked before but not now..I'm finding regardless if I speak up or not I feel bad/guilt about me..

Grandy...xx

[quirkywords]

Ggrand

I really like birdys words and hope you can read them and work out a way to practice them.

You are that wounded, tiny child ... she is you, and she needs your love and compassion right now.

I know you are struggling but you have done this before and you are strong and a survivor. I can see how hard you try and how determined you are.

How do you imagine your life would be like if you could like yourself and give yourself some of the compassion you so willingly give to others.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pepper, Birdy.

Your posts have completely overwhelmed me..I have written out easily 5 posts, but have deleted them..Nothing I say seem to be express what I want to say..I have so many different emotion when I read them.. please be patient with me..What you all wrote...is from your hearts...You are all beautiful people.....I'm sorry... I will reply tonight, you all deserve it...🌹🕊💜..

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky,

Thank you very much for calling in to visit me..and your kind encouraging words..

Quirky, I do at times like myself I just wished i could stay liking myself, but memories hit hard and fast and they don't let you forget then the struggling Starts again...it's a vicious circle with C-PTSD...that I don't want anymore, but unfortunately I'm stuck with....

Kind thought

Grandy...