A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[smallwolf]

Sleep... Yeah.... one of the side-effects of the AD meds is affect sleeping habits. Never been on them before.

[PamelaR]

Just a quick pop into BB to see how you are going Wolfy.

Hang in there Tim. You're really awesome. Need to talk with the psych and/or doctor on Monday about affects of ADs. Let them know. What you've been prescribed may not suit.

Take care.

Pammy

[Music_Freak]

I have been reading this thread but haven't posted in a while.

I can most definitely relate to how you're feeling smallwolf. I've been left feeling like that by my family a lot and they've often thrown it back at me and left me with nowhere and nobody to turn to.

My psychologist and here are my only support, so you can rest assured that you're not alone in how you feel.

I really truly hope that everything soon improves for you. In the meantime, we're here to lean on 🙂

[demonblaster]

Thank you Wolfy I LOVE the roc one although crystals tempting but the glowing roc with light yes I feel that, it all gives an amazing sense of security and safety.

I deeply appreciate, all your time and effort helping and finding that. I'm going there after posting this. Take good care of yourself and all of you, I'd hold your hand or give you a hug but Mrs Wolfy might not like me too ☺

Thanks again every one Hi ⚘

[smallwolf]

Db,

No problem. Hope that it helps..

Sorry for not being around this weekend. The medication my GP prescribed is doing my head in - side effect not pleasant. Will what my psych says tomorrow. Given recent events, nervous. But as I have said before and to others, will be completely honest

[Ggrand]

Hello Smallwolf,

Im sorry your having trouble with your meds...I'm hope the dr can do something to help you cope with them..in the meantime wolfy please try to relax deep breathing, and more breathing..

Take care of yourself wolfy. Please to herevyou will be honest about how your feeling..

Please look after and be gentle with yourself.

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

That's ok Wolfy look after yourself. Sorry you're struggling with side effects. Hopefully that settles soon.Just adds to your other stuff doesn't it but I see strength in you and although it's rough I know you can handle it but always harder when the Black dogs biting isn't it and OH such big teeth it has ☺ Btw think it was you said laugh at it or talk to it a funny voice 😂 loving that.

I had unpleasant side effects too I doubt as bad as yours from pain meds last night have before luckily it doesn't last long but broke out into a horrible sweat and feel terrible that mentally/physically I was in bad shape anyway & couldn't go to bed because that particular pain increases and the meds depending how bad only dulled it but it's way better tonight which is good, actually the other pains are too think I walked too far the other day

Can be difficult depending on the situation you're in being completely honest can't it, like being here we have to be careful what we say, I'm going to start opening up more and with my next psych visit later. For me its not majors like so many poor people cop its being majorly sensitive and people just being people often the pffttts we all know them sadly.

Sorry this is your thread, just having a natter

Good luck Wolfy tomorrow I'll keep an eye out ☺ Hey Grandy and all

[smallwolf]

Grandy - you are one one in a million... thanks for stopping by and reminding me! At our worst, we forget what we should do.

DB- Yes, I know that we have to be careful in what say here. But its OK if you want to natter here... getting ready to go to bed and try to get some sleep. Will prolly wake up later but I will make it through the night. I did for the last 2 nights. My wife is concerned about the effects the drugs are having on me.

About next week... psych appointment on Monday. Coffee with friend on Tue (someone who changed careers after burnout), review with GP on Thu. I will spend most of the days at Uni so that I am around people. A recurring dream is concerning me, which I will bring up with the psych. It is a side-effect of the medication, but feels very real.

[demonblaster]

Thanks Wolfy

👌enjoy your coffee, nice to have someone close by to meet up with glad you'll have some company and uni good for you

Yes I don't know which ones of course but the milder safer ones I have heard and not addictive like some even they can have side effects, even if in small doses but not all the time which is good

Been meaning to ask cause I haven't re read the thread yet but have in parts and btw I want to thankyou you've amongst many been a big help because last night esp a few times I did what you said about basically REBT is and it took me from unbelievable bad headspace and anxiety attacks to a good place. As I said you're another well suited to CC ☺ oop nearly forgot the question how's your physical health? which can be affected with stress

sleep well all best Monday ☺

[smallwolf]

*** Trigger Alert? ***

Hi All,

Just a quick update after my psych appointment. Its not all bad, if you are reading this. In fact, possibly the opposite. A side effect of the drugs is suicidal idealizations. And Yes, I have had those dreams such that I know how I could do it. However.... before each session, I have questionaires to complete. After talking with one friend yesterday, and later wife I realised that relationships with family etc are all good and that is it just the work side of the thing that is a real bummer. That is I have a real wanting to live, and it would only be a tragic accident of anything were to run amiss. And this happens in my dreams. Which we want to ensure does become a reality. For the next while I have to make sure that I am around people. My psych will be sending a letter to my GP about me and where I am at.

I have a plan by which this can be accomplished ... I do not think that I need to go into details here but I am hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time. Work is going to have to cope without me. That might be bad for some(, but better than the alternative for me).