A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[CMF]

Hi SW,

"... I don't know why you feel that way. " I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with a comment like that. I have had the same with my anxiety. People who haven't been through it will not understand.

I'm glad you posted here, I can just imagine that going over and over in your mind making you frustrated and angry.

I hope getting it out has helped somewhat.

cmf

[white knight]

Hi smallwolf

Thankyou for your "raw" account if your issues.

In respect to your last post can I steer you towards the following thread, use google

Topic: they just wont understand, why? - beyondblue

Once you know why people wont understand MI, it makes it easier

Your apparent problems of unfulfillment and negativity will take time to rectify. This can be achieved by

• Attending motivation lectures
• Looking at the positives of -nearly everything. Eg topic: depression, are there any positives?- beyondblue
• Planning your week to include positive events to look forward to. Eg topic: planning your life- beyondblue
• Listening to things that can motivate eg topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

These theories aren't new. But they cant work without a change of mindset from your good self. One way to do that is to defy that part of your thinking that is poisoning your thoughts and bringing you down.

Topic: changing mindsets- beyondblue

This thread has been a success. People gravitate to it because they can relate to your many challenges.

Well done

Tony WK

[smallwolf]

Pity I cannot pin or bookmark a post or thread. You have provided me with a good number of pages to read through. I have the time now (sort of).

My reason for venting on the previous post was three fold. Firstly, that I dare have time off.

Secondly, I had to get over it.

Andfinally, he "has" to get involved in things I was working on. Which by the way we're flicked my way last minute after an install had been done.

When I showed my wife the email I received she was angry herself.

So in order to sleep I vented. Not that I slept that well last night. Anyway, thanks again for the titles to look for.

[smallwolf]

Hey,

Thanks for the kind words. I will see if I can find the posts you are referring to and then somehow tell you how to find them.

About the rock ... It can be an actual rocj, a crystal, a person. Someone or something that is unmovable when a strong wind blows. Rain or water will not penetrate it. Someone or something that will never depart from you. If a rock, then it can glow and provide you with light. The light to help guide you onto the pathway of hope. And then, if we are lucky will join you to the river of freedom and life.

Day 1 of AD medication... Never been on them before. Soo small. No immediate effect til later on in day. Light headed, slightly nauseous , seems to suppress hunger?

[smallwolf]

And the story you are looking for was written on Mar 4 wishing Grandy a happy birthday and then a walk in the forest...

[PamelaR]

Hello Wolfy

Love your musings. You have a beautiful way with words.

1st day on AD. Ahhh, not sure about anyone else, but when I went on them, my doc told me it would be about a month or more before they take effect.

The nausea, light headedness, and suppressed hunger could be due to a lot of things. Anxiety and depression, or the medication. Maybe talk to your doctor (or your psych) on Monday.

Your employer was rather off!! Not at all thoughtful about their employees welfare nor is there much 'duty of care' going on either. How awful you must feel. But it's not your fault how they think or act. You've done everything right. So hang in there Wolfy.

Only wish I have the lovely words you have to say.....

Care and kindness

PamelaR

[monkey_magic]

Hey smallwolf,

Good luck with it all 🙂

[smallwolf]

Pamela,

Thanks. That you came here is enough for me. It seems that I have gotten everyone scared, which is not what I wanted. I was on the phone to other people letting them in know what was happening. At the same time I feel abandoned and betrayed.

[Birdy77]

Hang in there Wolfy.

Things will get better.

Sorry it sucks for now.

Let us be your rocks for a bit.

🌻birdy

[CMF]

Hi Wolfy,

Hope things improve for you soon. I'm sorry you feel abandoned and betrayed. I'm glad that your wife is supportive.

Hope you get some better sleep tonight.

cmf