A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[Ggrand]

Hello Tim..l.

Happy 50th birthday...All the best wishes I have for you..I hope your dinner was special..the big 5O...no Tim..not old..your only as old as you feel...age is only a number...I was a teenager when you were born.....

and a huge congratulations on getting your Diploma on counselling...Well done...

kind and caring thoughts Tim...🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 x 10 = 🎈50 balloons...start popping them 😂.

Grandy...

[quirkywords]

Tim you are a youngster. Happy Birthday.

I see you getting wiser and kinder every day.

[CMF]

Happy Birthday Tim and congrats on your Diploma! What a great achievement. You will make a wonderful counsellor, you are thoughtful, caring, gentle. It comes across in your posts. I too feel I am taking the 'good' days at times, hoping I can convince myself it is a 'good' day...manifesting.

Nothing wrong with rolling with it, it's all about balance.

Hope today is a good one.

Cmf x

[demonblaster]

Hey Mr Wolfy and to your lovely friends 👋

Hope your birthday was a really nice one. Nah you're still young matey. I remember Mum saying people often struggle with the 0's.

Wow you sure had plenty to celebrate 😀 congratulations on your counselling diploma. I imagine that'd be quite a load off too.

Such a fantastic achieve. Can't believe how quick it went.

I wonder although it'd be fantastic if we could if it's possible to be on top of everything all the time. After all so much of our coping system is down to sleep and energy that's reduced greatly if we sleep poorly which effects our strength

I think you've done and are doing incredibly well. Be gentle and kind to yourself Wolfy.

I wonder how you're getting on 🙂

🌴

[monkey_magic]

Hi Tim,

Congrats on the dip of councilling and turning the big 5-0 whoohoo.

Lots to celebrate. Does that mean a change of careers now?

Well done.

[smallwolf]

Hi monkey_magic... Yes and no. I will be moving into that space and just have to tie up some loose ends first. I certainly will not be leaving here anytime soon - you lot have been a great support for me and the little that I can do here as a way of giving back in return...

Tim

[smallwolf]

@monkey - that is the plan.

hello to @cmf, @grandy, @demon, @quirky.... your responses mean the world to me. You are all wonderful people.

funny how I can get into a down mood and I cannot explain what happened to get into that state. only 1 person today really saw me for how I was today. Some others were either losing their touch or I am getting better at hiding it or .... I know I need to book another blood appt with Red Cross - the last one was cancelled because they were too close (quarterly). Fri was a low day as well, although then I had someone to distract me for a bit.

so I just did a google search for

when you don't know why you are depressed

and got some interesting answers and I looked back at events over the last week, visualizing what happened. and what I was worked out was I am blaming myself for things outside of my control and using statements like I am doing the best I can or I wish...

... and I remind myself of going into a valley while trying to get to the top of the mountain. However, now the valley seems to be going into the mountain and down, where it is dark and silent. I am still moving forward.

[demonblaster]

Hey Mr Wolfy and all 👋

Good seeing you.

I'm glad you're not leaving here Mr.

Keep moving forward. You've achieved a great deal since we first met you. Well done.

I hope you feel happier and that you have more control over your feelings.

Take good care

🕊

[Doolhof]

Hi Tim,

Sorry to read you are struggling at the moment. It can be exhausting when we feel we have to hide how we are feeling from other people. I realise sometimes that might be necessary when we are at work or in different settings.

I wonder if it would be liberating or frightening and confronting for people to speak their reality when they are asked how they are? How often do we say we are fine when we are anything but fine!

I've never thought to Google "when you don't know why you are depressed".

Good thing you were able to look back on your week objectively and were able to find some answers.

So where to from here?

How are you going with your image of the valleys and the mountains?

I haven't been around for a while, so Congratulations on your diploma!

Cheers to you from Dools

[quirkywords]

Tim so sorry you have been down.

when you don't know why you are depressed, I have another question

Why must there be a reason to be depressed. .?

I know I used to spend so much time trying to analyse every mood but it is what it is.

I hope you get to the top of the mountain.

take care