When everyday life becomes a struggle

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I am 39, female, have been single for most of my life and have recently had what I can only describe as a falling out with my 2 closest friends.

I have been battling feelings of incredible loneliness for a few years now and generally am able to push through my struggles of sadness, anxiety and loneliness to function quite normally. But this year has been awful, I was so happy, had met a new man and had a great circle of friends at the beginning of the year and all have degraded to the point where I feel like I have no one and nothing.

This is now impacting all areas of my life. My work performance has suffered, I have zero motivation to get up and exercise and even leaving the house has become difficult. I feel invisible, like no one cares about me. Because I’ve previously had such an active social life, am adventurous and travel and get out there, everyone assumes that this is still the case. I feel like I have no one to talk to, to open up to, especially due to the loss of my 2 closest friendships in the last month.

I have made my first counselling appointment for Monday but feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown because I have taken that first step in admitting I need help.

How do I get back to the fun loving, carefree person I once was? I feel so alone and this is impacting my ability to put myself out there, even in social circles I once felt comfortable with. How do I meet new people, create meaningful connections and have people in my life I can count on? I feel so lost, am constantly crying and suffering headaches and stomach issues due to the stress of this.

Thank you for reading and I welcome any assistance or advice you can offer.

[Doolhof]

Hi Feeling Lonely,

If that pain of past memories starts to hit you, if you have the opportunity, write it all down. Then when you have all that pain and hurt on paper, write down how amazing it feels to have had that conversation with your parents!

My psychologist suggested I write "forgiveness letters" you don't necessarily have to give them to the person, just write everything down, how a sense of forgiveness feels for you and how you want to move on from there.

Some nights when I am feel lousy, I try to recall some of the good things that happened during the day or even during the week. and focus on the good.

If I am having trouble changing my thoughts I will read a book at night. That way my mind is focused on something else.

I've learnt to like myself more, helps me with those feels of loneliness when they hit hard.

You are more than welcome to my words and encouragement. People have helped me along my journey and I have been thankful for their support as well.

Cheers to you, from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

You are truly amazing! Thank you Dools. I take on board and try out all of the advice you have given, it’s really helpful and I’m willing to try anything.

[Doolhof]

Hi Feeling Lonely,

As I write things down, I am reminding myself of all the things I can do to help myself when I am feeling lousy.

Just last week I filled two pages of paper writing down all the stuff I have not enjoyed or appreciated in my life. At the end of that I decided to forgive all those whom I felt had wronged me and forgave myself as well for holding on to all that garbage and not dealing with it earlier.

It felt liberating to realise I do not have to go overt hose details anymore! If those thoughts come to mind, I can challenge them and decide to think of something different.

At 3.00 a.m. this morning I found myself wide awake thinking silly thoughts. I then started to say to myself "Breathe in. Breathe out." My mind could not do two things at once! I ended up falling back to sleep.

I too need to practise these techniques to help myself at times!

Congratulations to you for feeling willing to try something different!

Cheers for now, from Dools

[Birdy77]

Dools & FL ❤

I find both of you inspirational, you are always so positive and practical and help me on every single thread on which i read your awesome thoughts and advice (either of you).

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Hi Birdy,

Thanks, that is so very kind of you. I too like your posts and feel like you have really grown more confident since starting on this forum.

As I have mentioned many times, I feel this forum is so beneficial to so many people in a variety of different ways.

We all help to make this forum the special place it is and I for one am so very thankful I "found" it a few years ago, it has been a blessing to me!

Cheers to you Birdy and to all, from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you Birdy 🙂

I’m having another exceptionally tough day today. Loneliness has to be the most crippling feeling. I know I have people who care, but those negative thoughts and feelings of emptiness inside are so overwhelming and overpowering sometimes. I literally am curled up in a ball on my bed sobbing away. I just wish I had someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me it’s all going to be okay. I try so hard to believe that it is, but today just feels really, really hard.

[Birdy77]

Dear FL ❤

I know it's not the same, but i am mentally putting my arms around you and telling you this: "everything is going to be ok".

I am so sorry you're having such a tough day. I have had a horrible week and will cone back in here and talk to you later, just saw your post and wanted to give you a big hug.

I would love if you could do something nice for yourself this afternoon ... a walk? Too hard to get out of the house? How about a nice bath a bit later with some candles? Or a dvd on the couch with a pizza?

Thinking of you.

I know these days ... they're hard.

Today will pass FL.

If you want to justwrite today off, that's cool too ...

Tomorrow is a new beginning.

With love xo 🌻 birdy

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you so much, it is appreciated. I have had to pull myself together to babysit for my sister. I do love spending time with the little ones, but it was super hard today when they were naughty and pushing my limits. It has been a good distraction though. Whilst I still feel really sad today, tomorrow is a new day. Thank you for your support. You are incredible. I’m sorry to hear that your week has been tough too. I hope you’re doing okay.

[Doolhof]

Hi Feeling Lonely,

Hope you are feeling a little better today, Birdy has sent you a wonderful message of encouragement and care. It would be lovely if we could all reach out and be there for each other in person, but that is not possible.

So words are the best we can do. Words of hope, care, sentiment and acknowledgement that life is not as we always desire it to be.

Doing something nice for yourself does help with the lonely feelings. Sometimes I get dressed up and take myself out somewhere. In our region, we can purchase $10.00 movie tickets, so loosing myself in a movie is a nice treat.

Going for a walk in an area I have not been to before can be like a mini adventure. Window shopping in stores I don't usually go into, visiting a museum or art gallery, reading a book, all those things help to add to my days.

Roughly how old are your sister's children? (You can choose not to share this or say under 5 or over 5 as may be the case.) It can be a little difficult when you are feeling low and the children start to push your buttons! That is when you get them to run around outside for a while to wear themselves out! Ha. Ha.

Thinking of you and wishing you some brighter moments in your day! Sending you a huge bunch of sunflowers to add some joy.

Cheers from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you so much for your lovely message Dools. The 3 kids are 5 and under and are quite the handful when I’m on my own with them. I love them dearly though.

Whilst I’m not feeling the extreme sadness and loneliness today, my body seems to be riddled with anxiety. I long to wake up and just feel normal, not consumed with any negative emotion or physical symptoms.

I am very kind with myself these days and treat myself often to nice things, like a walk, yoga, coffee or breakfast out. I am still doing daily meditation and mindfulness and journaling, positive affirmations, etc. but I’m really struggling to shift this down patch I’m going through. I know it will get better, I just wish there was an easy way to overcome this feeling.

Thank you again for your support. It really does mean so much to me to know that I can come here and just be myself and talk so openly. I know that I have a couple of friends I can talk to, but I fear they are starting to tire of my sadness and are confused by what I’m going through.