When everyday life becomes a struggle

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I am 39, female, have been single for most of my life and have recently had what I can only describe as a falling out with my 2 closest friends.

I have been battling feelings of incredible loneliness for a few years now and generally am able to push through my struggles of sadness, anxiety and loneliness to function quite normally. But this year has been awful, I was so happy, had met a new man and had a great circle of friends at the beginning of the year and all have degraded to the point where I feel like I have no one and nothing.

This is now impacting all areas of my life. My work performance has suffered, I have zero motivation to get up and exercise and even leaving the house has become difficult. I feel invisible, like no one cares about me. Because I’ve previously had such an active social life, am adventurous and travel and get out there, everyone assumes that this is still the case. I feel like I have no one to talk to, to open up to, especially due to the loss of my 2 closest friendships in the last month.

I have made my first counselling appointment for Monday but feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown because I have taken that first step in admitting I need help.

How do I get back to the fun loving, carefree person I once was? I feel so alone and this is impacting my ability to put myself out there, even in social circles I once felt comfortable with. How do I meet new people, create meaningful connections and have people in my life I can count on? I feel so lost, am constantly crying and suffering headaches and stomach issues due to the stress of this.

Thank you for reading and I welcome any assistance or advice you can offer.

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you for your lovely reply Dools. There are some excellent suggestions there.

I do journal every day to write out my feelings but have never taken the approach of coming up with ideas to counteract them. I think that will be helpful.

I was walking every morning to force myself to exercise and also to smile at strangers but haven’t had any motivation to exercise or get out of the house of late. I will try to reintroduce this into my life. My alarm is still set early, but every day I talk myself out of it.

My parents are coming to stay with me this weekend and I think it’s about time I tell them everything I’ve been going through. It is a really daunting feeling as I come from a family where we pretend everything is okay and never talk about our feelings. I question whether I’m strong enough to have this confrontational conversation. I am also not used to putting myself or my needs first. I’m scared to be so brutally honest but I know it will be a weight off my shoulders to do this.

Thanks again for your reply, I really appreciate it.

[quirkywords]

Hi feeling Lonely,

It often comes as a shock just when you feel ok for a while then suddenly you plummet down and the feelings of loneliness and sadness feel almost overwhelming.

When I have these feelings My first reaction is to hide from people but I know I need to get outside even if it is a walk across the road into the bush. I find the sounds, smells and sights of the book distract me.

I also write even though it is hard. I make myself write for ten min sometimes it will be the same word over and over but I just let my emotions flow into the page- nothing great, but I usually feel better to write it down.

The most alone I have ever felt when I lived with someone who was never there for me emotionally.

Sometimes I bake a simple recipe and that helps me concentrate on measuring and pouring etc.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you for your reply Quirky. I live alone and whilst I used to be so comfortable living by myself, I now find it quite isolating.

After starting the morning in a flood of tears not thinking I’d be able to make it to work today, I pushed myself to go in because I had deadlines to meet. It was a good distraction but now as I head home to an empty house I feel sad and alone again.

I will practice some meditation and might try and force myself to go for a walk. It’s so nice to be able to talk here and feel connected to the world.

Thank you again for replying, I really appreciate it.

[Doona]

Hi Feeling lonely,

I loved your post as I to come from a family who doesn’t share which has made me go to far the other way with my children. I can’t help wondering if you talked to your parents, and if you didn’t be kind and gentile to yourself as it isn’t easy or an option in some families.

[Doolhof]

Hi Feeling Lonely,

I also hope you have been able to chat with your family. Sometimes I just blurt out how I am feeling and decide that people will either accept that or they won't.

One time out of total desperation and feeling incredibly depressed and out of control, I walked out to the front of the Church and told everyone that I was so depressed I had been feeling suicidal. The minister said a prayer for me, and that was that basically.

People kept their distance for a while in-case what I had was contagious perhaps! Ha. Ha. The thing is with depression and mental health issues, some people just don't understand and I've learnt that is okay.

Regarding the feelings of loneliness at home, do you have some favourite music you could put on when you get home from work?

Put your walking shoes near the door ready for the thought of a walk.

I have a husband here at home but can still feel very lonely. Reading a book helps me. I also take myself to the movies and to a café for a coffee or invite a friend to join me.

Sometimes I just randomly talk to other people in a shop, an art gallery or where ever so I have a conversation with someone.

I like my time volunteering in the Op Shop, I have plenty of customers there to chat with!

Hope your weekend is going okay.

Cheers fro now from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you for your lovely messages Dools and Doona, I really appreciate it.

I did have the conversation with my parents and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. We were going down the path of having a disagreement (standard) and I cut it off and said there was something I really needed to talk about. They were so incredibly loving, caring and understanding. Going so far back to actually acknowledge and apologise for and discuss a really horrible time in my childhood (caused by their issues) that lasted a number of years. I wasn’t expecting that as I said I didn’t want to lay blame and the past is the past. This is the first time we have ever spoken about it, a burden of hurt, pain, feeling unloved and abandoned that I’ve carried with me for 26 years. I feel this is the beginning of the healing process. It is also an example of putting my needs first, which I have never known how to do. They called again tonight to check in on me and again I was able to tell them what I need from them to support me. Love and empowerment rather than worry and stress.

I know I still have a lot I need to work through, but I know I’m starting to make strides in moving forward. There will be ups and downs, but this has been the biggest step forward for me. I feel such relief to have been able to simply be honest about myself and where I’m at.

I have a few things set up to help distract me when I get to those really low points and now I know I can always pick up the phone and talk to my parents.

Thank you for your support and checking in with me, it means so much to me. I hope you have both had a wonderful long weekend 🙂

[Birdy77]

Dear FL ❤

I am so pleased to have found your thread.

I see you around the forums sprinkling beautiful attitude and gratitude and rainbow awesomeness.

I want to follow your thread and say what a beautiful presence you are.

Love and light to you, more later xo

🌻 birdy

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you Birdy, you have such a beautiful soul and I truly appreciate hearing from you.

Finding this website has been such a wonderful thing for me and having caring people such as yourself to share the journey and talk about what we are all going through. It has made such a difference in my progress and life in general.

Have a fabulous week lovely 🙂

[Doolhof]

Dear Feeling Lonely,

How wonderful to read you were able to have such an amazing discussion with your parents! That is so excellent. Hopefully now, even though like you mentioned, there will be ups and downs, you will no longer feel so lonely!

Communication is so very important. I wish I had the guts to chat openly to my parents as I have felt estranged from them my whole life. I love them regardless as they are my parents after all. They have no idea how I feel towards them as I always put on a smile when I am with them.

All the best with refreshing your journey through life. You have the opportunity now to take your life and your relationship with your parents to new and different places!

Wishing you all the best. Cheers from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you Dools. It feels really surreal to have had that conversation and I am still processing and unpacking what it all means and how to move forward and not be holding onto that pain. It doesn’t automatically undo everything so I need to keep reminding myself that we have the opportunity to have a new relationship now and that I have to change my thoughts and behaviours. Like I said, so surreal. It has made me really happy though to have had that outcome.

I’ve been doing okay this week so far. Have had a bit going on at work which has been a good distraction. But I still find myself waking up and falling asleep with that feeling of emptiness inside me. But I’m learning how to manage and try really hard to find the light in each day and to be kind to myself.

Thank you for your support, it really means so much to me.

I hope you’re having a good week 🙂