Plain misery

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications 

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you    to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence  

[therising]

Hi Joe

To have raised yourself to this point, beyond so many oppressive and depressing people gives you automatic 'Star' status.

To be more conscious than those who bring you down can be one of the greatest challenges in life, for you can feel their lack of conscious consideration, in so many ways. You're obviously very conscious, being able to identify all those influences in your life. While you've managed to hit on obviously depressing influences, you've also managed to touch on one not so obvious, involving people who don't necessarily put us down but they leave us vibing in 'down'. When people say 'Everyone goes through that (a tough stage of life)', you can feel yourself being left alone to work things out. If only they could have opened up constructive dialogue, leading to some positively mind altering life changing revelations.

I imagine you've become pretty good at feeling people's nature by now, given all you've been through. I imagine you can feel yourself in the presence of a narcissist, a self righteous person. They have quite a feel to them. I know a few. I imagine you can also feel yourself in the presence of someone who won't fully listen, doctors/specialists included. A lot of people can be hard work at times. Can get exhausting. I'm a gal who's a real feeler. I'm easily triggered to feel a person's nature. I'm currently in the process of trying to master emotional detachment (shutting down 'feeling', as a way of preserving my sanity and energy levels)😁

Joe, do you ever think 'My god, I'm surrounded by insane people'? Btw, I've found an amusing way of managing narcissists involves revealing to them 'You do know you're insane, don't you. Just because you can't see it doesn't take away from the fact'. Of course, they'll deny their own insanity unless they wake up to it 😄

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

As I also mentioned my father isn't liked by me, and I know I had a mental mis diagnosis, I am so irritated with being pre diabetic and than having my gallbladder removed, and remaining on anti psychotics and anti depressant and anxiety medications. I am going to be having a psychologist to talk about my self esteem

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Joe,

It was heartbreaking reading your post about how you were bullied at school and not treated well by your dad…..I am deeply sorry you went through all that….

I think it’s a great idea, that you have reached out to a psychologist…I hope they can help you with your self esteem….Like you I was bullied at school, had uncaring parents….then I escaped my parents home the only way I could by…by eloping with a cruel narcissist husband….who really did make me believe that I was worthless and not worth the air that I breathed…..After 9 years of being a widow, I have learnt that these people were all wrong, I am worthy…..and I do deserve a good life….You are worthy, highly valued and you deserve a good and peaceful life….

Please try hard to believe in yourself…..and don’t let what the other disrespectful and mean people’s words and actions define the beautiful person that you are….

Talk here dear Joe, whenever you feel up it it…we are all here for you and will try our best to help and support you…

My kindest thoughts with care..

Grandy..

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

That's one of the most connected and beautiful responses I have ever had from a stranger, I take that and keep that with me, thank you, and yes, my father can be difficult, and I can force myself to look beyond school kids,

but I am also dealing with a mis diagnosis of a mental health condition, and previous medications gave me pre diabetes and took away my gallbladder long term, and still being treated for over 10 years for a disorder I don't have ruins my esteem, plus having the pre diabeties 

It's always hard to feel everything good without either having answers for problems or having the right friendship's, thankfully I have my mother and brother 🙂 

Thanks again for your response, that was very special to me

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Joe,

Thats sad getting pre diabetic from medication and having your gallbladder removed….I am so deeply sorry…..Having pre diabetics is a kind of a warning of what could happen later on in life….I have been diagnosed with pre diabetes….a few times….A change of diet helped my sugar levels…level out, but I keep going back to the yummy foods and wreak all my good work…and it flares up all over again…..Has your Dr. organised for you to see a nutritionist at all?….

Is it at all possible for you to find another Dr. and get another opinion on your mental health….If your sure that the diagnosis is wrong, maybe another diagnosis is the way to go…and get them to review your meds…if you want them to….The most important thing for you to do is….to care for your beautiful self..if that means reaching out to another Dr. or professional please do so….Theirs no rule to say that you have to accept or stay with your current Dr and there diagnosis….you know your body and mind more then any one else….so please go with your heart and do what’s best for you…

I am so very proud of you reaching out to a psychologist for your self esteem….I hope with all my heart that they can help you….You so much deserve help and a peaceful life….My counsellor (victims counselling) help me with my self esteem…..

You are a wonderful person with a beautiful soul….I can here it in your words…I wish you only the best in life…

Keep talking here when you feel up to it…we are all listening and by posting here, you are helping many other beautiful community members, without you even knowing it…we are here for you Dear Joe….when we can be..

My care with kind thoughts Dear Joe….

Grandy..

Joe, our mental health does have to define who we are…It’s really sad that you’re struggling so much with your self esteem….

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I am on  treatment for a mis diagnosis of Psychosis - Schizophrenia, that I was diagnosed with 10 years ago, I am now placed also on duo anti depressant and anxiety tablets

I have been wrongly into hospital 4 times over the last 10 years for mis understandings, the first 3 times I was self destructive, but after the 3rd time I was back to myself, than at the 4th time, the GP got concerned and the CATT team thought I had psychosis, when I tried proclaiming I have a sense with spirituality

I am having online sessions with a psychologist soon, which i'm looking forward too

I have well controlled pre diabeties, I measure the portions and eat well nutritionally, I have low gi white bread and regular pasta, but only 1 cup, I don't agree with light dairy and rye or grains/bread, I stick to regular white or full cream, it's all about the portion size, carbohydrates, sugars, sodiums and fats, 40% of people without gallbladders have issues after, 60% don't and I happen to be the lucky 60%

Fat keeps you fuller for longer, and sugar spikes your glucose quicker, that's why I prefer full cream dairy, and for less man made additives, I also have been told that grains and rye digest instantly into sugar, I don't vaguely trust a guideline dietician.

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

It wasn't just the bullying for 6 years in high school, hating everyone, and being with the wrong continuous company, It took 5 years, after a extra 5 years of trying with two of those toxic friends, one final time.                 

It was having a narcissistic dead beat father, who sits behind the television, He goes out selfishly on the weekend to sports or with his mates, He always lowered my intelligence, and with my mis diagnosis, he treats me as special, disabled, sick, illness, He denies necessities from my life, and treats me as handicapped or like my special challenged cousin Adam, He always had to be the ignorant, arrogant, authotarian figure, with a sensitivity and incensitive offense 

It was also being mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia and having now continuously more than 10 years of treatment for a illness I don't suffer from, and having pre diabetes and no gallbladder 

[Waffle-]

Hi Joe,

As others have already pointed out: It's shocking that the people in your life have mistreated you. People who are toxic and tear you down are the worst. I hope you find some good people who treat you better instead. 

Your misdiagnosis sounds rough. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I would encourage you to talk to a GP to get the treatment you need. They should be able to help with your pre diabetes, and direct you to a mental health professional if you need one. You mention doing online sessions with a psychologist, I hope those go well and give you some of the answers you're looking for.

Good luck!

[therising]

Hi Joe

Wondering if you've ever heard of something termed 'Spiritual emergency'. It was many years ago when I came across an article on the subject that best described what I'd faced myself at one point earlier in my life, pretty much down to a T. Then I came across an amazing woman who wrote a book on the subject, entitled 'Am I going Mad?' Keeping in mind, what psychiatry labels 'psychosis' can be exactly that or it can be what others describe as 'a sudden shift in consciousness', when you suddenly become aware of a number of things that you were never aware of before. With the mind's inability to make sense of the experience (with there being no pre existing reference for it), it can get out of control pretty fast and can become pretty scary in some cases.

Watched a fascinating documentary just a couple of months ago. In a nutshell, it was about how more spiritual cultures manage shifts in reality compared with how we manage such things in the west. Very different. They tend to ask whether it's a spiritual experience the person is going through before they go on to consider the psychological angle.

Would be interesting to know what that sense of spirituality was like for you. Feel free to speak about it.

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I just get so frustrated with how superficial and material, narcissistic, selfish, secular atheist, and entitled I think the western or general world is, I also have generational issues, because I feel I like the boomers and gen X but I'm a 1995 millenial or gen Z either which I don't fancy. I also feel society either gives petty or cliche advice and doesn't truly care to help, The world is vanity and modern drivers are racing 100 kilometers in 50 kilometer back streets and literally not caring if they did a hit and run. I don't know where to find suitable likeable friends who are with similar interests and character and who are respective, I don't know if I like how fake I think modern women are, I also am without direction for suitable entry job's at 27 or career sense, I am mis diagnosed with SCHIZOPREHNIA and am on involuntary treatment for the last 10 years,   I have been living the drowning of knowing that their wrong, but they patronise me and say I lack insight to my illness, because I had a dilemma of going to hospital 4 times over 10 years, and it's complicated, but I know I don't have the disorder they theorise with me